Long Distance
by JakeDanielRoss
Summary: Sometimes good things dont come in time,Jasper has spent years honestly loving and being there for someone who treats him like a dirty little secret.He feels alone,even in the arms of the one he loves.
1. Chapter 1

_**As he backed out of the driveway for the last time, he paused for a moment, hoping for the door of the house to open and for his love to come dashing out after him, before he drove off into the night and away from the place that had been his heaven and his hell for the last 5 years, but the door remained steadfastly closed and he knew that there was no reprieve, no change of heart, so with tears rolling down his cheeks he slowly drove off away from the one he loved and the life he had built.**_

_**Jasper Whitlock is not a big man, in fact he barely reached 5'7 and he had endured more than his share of teasing during his time in the Marines, but after proving himself time and time again to be a fearless and tough fighter, he was dubbed, "Little Texas" by his squad mates and developed the most unlikely of friendships with a veritable bear of Marine named Emmet McCarty. At over 6'6 and 290 lbs, Emmet looked like a grizzly about to devour a mouse standing next to Jasper, but the two men balanced each other as friends, Emmets raucous and ribald sense of humor often bringing Jasper out of his melancholy thoughts, and Jaspers calm and steady nature bringing the focus to Emmet that he needed to keep his head under fire in combat situations. The many months of combat in Iraq took a toll on the entire squad, and casualties mounted due to seemingly endless IED's and sniper attacks, the deprivations of inadequate sleep and food and resources and the constant stress wore on the men, but friendships forged under such conditions are enduring ones and the 'Mutt and Jeff" friendship of Emmet and Jasper was no different. **_

_**Emmet often spoke of his desire to get back home and find a good woman to marry and settle down with, he wanted to have a pack of kids and become a cop. Jasper hadn't given much thought to what he wanted to do after he got out, in fact he hadn't even really considered getting out because he really had no place to go. He was estranged from his family in Texas for reasons he never would elaborate on, he preferred to not talk about his personal life other than he had never really gotten out much. Emmet didn't pry, he suspected that Jasper might be hiding something that he didn't want the military to know, and be damned if he was going to be the one to pry it out of him. Emmet was a firm believer in the old saying, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead" and he didn't want to know any secrets that might be worth killing or dying over, but he cared about Jasper like a brother, the sad and haunted look in the mans green eyes brought to mind his cousin Rob. Emmet still felt the pain over Robs death, and he knew that by helping Jasper, he would be honoring Robs memory, so he set out to do just that. **_

_**When their unit returned stateside to Arizona, both Emmet and Jasper found themselves with less than 90 days left on their contracts. The surrounding community had several prospects for those interested in Law Enforcement and it was then that Emmet decided to give Jasper the big brother nudge in the right direction. He knew that the local community college sponsored a police academy in conjunction with several of the local agencies and due to the rapid expansion of the local population, there was a large demand for police officers, so he decided that he was going to apply for admission to the academy and then employment with the sheriffs department and he was taking Jasper with him. **_

_**Jasper was initially hesitant to apply for the sheriffs department. In fact, he was skeptical about the entire proposition, but he didn't have any other prospects and the thought of redeploying to Iraq for another extended tour wasn't particularly appealing, so he decided to give in and let Emmet play the big brother for awhile. Their separation packages from the Marines were being processed and soon they would need to find a place to live and jobs as well as figure out what they were going to do with themselves, so why not? **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Im gonna give you folks a bit of a heads up right about now, this story is based off some real events and with a whole bunch of other stuff thrown in. I tend to write how I talk, and I write the people how they spoke as well, so the language is raw, and often grammatically incorrect, none of these folks had a Masters of English, they were khaki collar. The smut doesn't last forever, but it went down hot and heavy pretty early on and developed from there. It was a force of nature. **

**I have recruited a couple of Betas to talk me down when I start freaking out about putting this out there, and they are trying to keep my grammar under control. **

**Absolutely no disrespect is meant by any characterizations. **

**Chapter 2**

Emmet was elected to handle the apartment renting detail the morning Jasper had to go get his fingerprint card re-done down at the sheriffs department, it seems that due to the scars on his hands from an injury he got in the Corp, his prints were difficult to read and a Captain at the department had left a message on Jaspers phone telling him he wanted them redone. Jasper parked his old Chevy truck at the far end of the parking lot at the station under the few shade trees that could be found and he stepped out into the sweltering morning more than a little aggravated and slightly intimidated. He had only been up to the main station once before, and that was with Emmet. Though he was used to the odd looks that they got from those who didn't know them, Jasper was still self conscious about the attention his accent and his size got him and without Emmet and his congenial nature around to deflect the attention away, Jasper was nervous.

Knowing he had no other choice now that he was actually there and the rattlingly loud dual exhaust of his old truck had drawn the attention of those standing out smoking on the front sidewalk, he had to make the walk up to front doors and accomplish what he had set out to do. The men and women congregated in the smokers exile by the front entrance gave him a variety of appraising looks as he approached, not unlike a pack of schoolyard toughs waiting for a new kid to get close enough for them to figure if he were cool enough to pass the muster. A man with a face that only a mother could love, and only then if that mother was a gargoyle, flicked his cigarette towards Jaspers boot and growled," What do you need boy, visiting hours at the jail aren't until 1300 hours" Jasper looked at him, considering if he was worth the hassle he knew was coming once he spoke, but as he looked past the gargoyle and saw the man leaned up against the wall behind the rest of them, he knew he wasn't going to walk away without at least finding out who he was and why he made his heart race unlike anything he had ever felt in his entire life.

Jasper looked at gargoyle and saw the stripes on the mans sleeves and realized that the man who was bracing him was a Sgt, so he unconsciously came to a form of attention and answered the man with as little of his drawl evident as he could, "Im sorry ,Sir, I am not here for visiting hours, I am here to have my prints redone per a Captains request for academy admittance." Silence followed by guffaws greeted Jaspers statement, and gargoyle approached until he was right up in Jaspers face. "What the hell do you mean calling me SIR?, boy? I work for a living, and where the hell are you from?" "I am from Texas' Sgt" Jasper inwardly cringed, he knew what was coming next, ever since "Full Metal Jacket" came out and every tin pot drill Sgt, in the world had seen it, the minute he answered "Texas", the dreaded, "There are only two things that come from Texas, steers and queers and I don't see no horns" line was sure to follow, usually by the even better, "I thought everything from Texas was BIG?" Jasper had given up fighting over those lines, and he simply just either ignored them or replied with. " If you are asking me on a date, the Corp wont be happy." and "If you need me to show you how much bigger things from Texas are, I can but that is probably going to make the Corp want to open a Don't ask don't tell investigation against you." Both statements often provoked fights and Jasper was tired of fighting, but he wasn't going to be seen as a punk in front of the man leaning against the wall. Sure enough the gargoyle went with the dreaded, "Steers and Queers" line and Jasper decided that he had nothing to lose so he leaned towards the gargoyle and smiled as he said, "Well Sgt. If you are asking me on a date, I guess that is relevant, but im sorry, you really aren't my type." The crowd erupted in laughter as the gargoyles face turned multiple shades of red and his jaw clenched. Jasper knew a fight was brewing so he took a step back as the crowd started to disperse to give them room. " You little shit! You pissant son of a bitch! Im gonna kick your scrawny, faggot, ass back to where you came from!" Jasper answered the gargoyle, "Sgt, I assure you that I mean no offence, I just want to get my prints done and go about my business." The gargoyle was fixing to swing at him, Jasper could see it coming a mile away and he looked helplessly at the other officers standing around them. The man leaning against the wall was working hard to not completely fall down laughing, but he managed to step forward and catch hold of the gargoyles shoulder and lean down and whisper something into his ear. The gargoyle immediately froze and stopped his ranting, growled "10-4"at the man and just like that he abruptly turned and went into the building, leaving a confused and relieved Jasper standing on the sidewalk with the bemused man as the other smokers scattered into the building.

Jasper could do nothing but gape at the man before him. He was tall, as in 6'4 tall so Jasper had to look up to look into the hazel eyes that were smiling down at him. The high cheekbones and strong jaw were graced by a pair of dimples that Jasper thought he could have drowned in. The mans hair was cut in the standard military high and tight, but it was a reddish brown and just long enough on top that Jasper could tell it was curly when it was allowed to grow out. The face had a light smattering of freckles across the cheeks and the mans fu manchu mustache framed full lips that were smiling at him.

Jasper did not consider himself a handsome man. He knew he was short, and his features went to the delicate side of things, but girls seemed drawn to his green eyes and his smile that they had assured him was, "Panty dropping" though much to their chagrin, he really wasn't into dropping panties by the time he hit his Sophomore year of high school. He tried, after all, in Texas that is what a young man was supposed to want to do, and with his wavy, dark, dirty blonde hair, his charisma, his lean and cut body that made him a natural athlete, he was supposed to be scoring on and off the football field, but he just felt like he was on the outside looking in. He threw himself into his music and he found a small circle of friends that seemed to be just as much of an outsider as he was, the "Artsy" kids. When he told his parents he wanted to participate in theater instead of sports, his father didn't want to hear it, in fact it was the start of their coming apart as a family. Jasper wasn't sure what he was at that time, but his father already had a label for him and he told him that he wasn't having that in his house, so at the age of 15 Jasper was sent to live with friends in the hope they could, "Work the queer out of him." He spent the next 3 years, shuffled amongst friends and family, treated as the families dirty little secret until he was old enough to legally make his own decisions. He still didn't know what or who he was, and ever impulsive, and needing a place to call home since his family was no longer an option, he joined the Marines. He knew that being in the military and under the auspices of the "Don't ask Don't tell" rules, he could not explore his undeniable attraction to men and in a way hoped to suffocate it.

The man standing in front of him left Jasper feeling like a pole-axled ox. He felt as if every bit of air had been sucked out of his body and he could only hear a whistling sound. It took a moment for it to register that the man was extending a hand towards him, Jasper stared at it and then quickly but self-consciously grasped the mans hand back. Shaking hands with the man was breathtaking. Jasper could feel the calluses on the mans fingers and the sheer size of the mans hand compared to his left him feeling like he was in the land of giants. "What's you're name Marine?" the mans voice had a deep timber with a mid-western twang to it that caught Jaspers attention. Jasper quickly answered him, "Jasper Whitlock, sir. May I ask to whom I'm speaking?" With his next words, the man destroyed any hope Jasper had of building any kind of relationship with him, "Captain Edward Cullen at your service. I guess I am the one that created all this commotion for you this morning by needing better copies of your prints."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N It may seem a little odd to most of ya'll in the civilian world, but in the law enforcement world, fraternization is against the rules. It can cost careers. The fight to be top dog is very blood thirsty and its not uncommon for complaints of "Conduct Unbecoming an Officer" to be used like a weapon to keep one officer down so another might rise. Its very political. I will warn you now, you all might not like my Edward, he was a very career driven man.**

Chapter 3

Jaspers heart broke as the Captain told him who he was. He knew that if he wanted to have any kind of career with the sheriffs department, then he could not even consider trying to find out if there was reciprocal interest. Jasper didn't let his disappointment show on his face, in fact he smiled and responded, "Well I guess that would be the case." Captain Cullen led him into the station and past the area where civilians typically get to be. He walked quickly, his long strides eating up the floor as Jasper practically jogged to keep up with him. Officers going about their duties looked up as they flew past and smiled and spoke to the Capt. It was clear he was popular and well liked amongst the rank and file staff. Jasper tried not to stare at the Capts butt as he walked in front of him, but it was hard not to, the man was built like a triangle with broad and powerful shoulders that framed and easily 44 inch chest, tapering down into what was maybe a 34 inch waist. The brown denim duty jeans nicely accented the firm backside of the Captain and when Jasper had seen the front view, it had taken all his power of self preservation to not stare at the bulge that lurked to the left side. He knew it wasn't a cell phone because that was on his belt, and Jasper felt his insides quiver, half in anticipation and half in fear. Though he was no mouse in that department, he was a virgin and heard plenty of horror stories about the pain of what he knew he now wanted. His mind drifted to thoughts of running his hands over the muscles outlined by the Captains tight fitting uniform shirt, and his lack of attention caused him to run smack into the back of the man as he came to a sudden stop outside a dutch door. "Whoa there! didn't mean to catch you napping, you okay?" Jaspers face burned with embarrassment as he stepped back and apologized. Capt. Cullen smiled at him kindly, "Its alright, I forgot where I was going! The fingerprint doohicky machine is in here" he said as he reached over the dutch door and opened it from the inside. "C'mon in and we will do this without getting you too dirtied up." Jasper followed him into a room that was obviously a booking area with holding cages and identification equipment lining a secure area away from the perusal of the general public. The Capt. led Jasper over to a laser print scanner. "Let me see your hands." Jasper held his hands up, with the palms up so that the Capt, could examine the damage to his fingers. "So what happened?" Jasper explained that there had been an explosion that had blown shrapnel into him, and luckily he had only suffered injury to his hands and some minor through and through injuries to his arms, but one of his squad mates had been killed. The Capt. patted his shoulder and looked at him kindly, with his eyes crinkling up in the corners, "Well, thank you for your service, I never saw any combat in my time in the Corp, I guess I was just damn lucky."

Jasper was struck momentarily speechless, he flat stared at the giant of a man in front of him, "You were a Marine, Capt.?" The Capt. smiled at him and laughed, "Hell, its easier to tell you who in this dept isn't a Marine rather than who is, I'd say fully 90% of the department is either a Marine, retired Marine, or married to a Marine, when we get this done I'll show you around some, give you the ole nickel tour since you are practically once of us anyhow." Jasper beamed in spite of himself, he wanted to be one of them, even if it meant he couldn't have the gorgeous Captain for himself, he could still have him in his life and be part of something, and for now he needed that.

Getting his prints re-done was an interesting experience that left Jasper with more questions about the Captain than he had before. Since the tech who normally who did prints was out to lunch, the Capt. decided to take the prints himself in order to spare Jasper the wait for the tech to come back, even though Jasper assured him it was no problem. "Nonsense, lets get this knocked out and then Ill give you the tour. Hell, I need practice on this dang machine anyhow so you can be my guinea pig. Sound fair?" Jasper laughed and agreed that it sounded fair to him, so he took the proffered wet nap and wiped his hands down and got into position in front of the machine like the Capt. showed him. He was a bit surprised a moment later when he felt the Capt step up closely behind him. " You're gonna have to forgive me, im not used to having a willing participant for this little exercise, so if im a bit rough its just because im used to having to take control of things when it comes to this." Jaspers knees came as close to buckling as he ran all the implications of those comments through his mind. The Capt chuckled under his breath as if he knew exactly the effect his words had on Jasper and he proceeded to begin entering information into the database to prepare for the next step of the process. When he asked Jaspers date of birth, he again chuckled, "Well, I woulda figured you for even younger, you are lucky you don't show your age at all, if you stay here very long the sun will take care of that for you, but you could easily pass for a teenager, you are damn lucky," Jasper flushed, he had always been teased about looking young for his age, and even though he had seen combat and been injured and even taken lives, he still got carded for "R" rated movies. "Okay, are you ready? Give me your right hand" Jasper lifted his hand to the scanning surface and the Capt took control from there, both of his arms surrounding Jasper as he pressed the smaller man against the machine, trying to get a good scan around the scars.

Jasper could feel the strength in the bigger man around him, and the smell of the Capt encompassed him. It was a mixture of leather and cordite and aftershave with what Jasper could swear was the smell of horse and cigarette, but it was all man, it smelled comforting, secure and erotic and in spite of his surroundings Jasper felt himself becoming aroused, but as the printing went on and the Capt shifted his attention to his left hand, and thus his stance so he could get a better grip, Jasper realized he was not the only one who was feeling something.

Jasper wasn't sure what to do. He was painfully turned on by the much larger man who was seemingly nonchalantly taking his prints in the somewhat private part of the booking area, but Jasper was sure that what he was feeling against his back was not a standard issue service weapon. Feigning a momentary need to stretch his back, Jasper leaned back into the Capt just a bit, to confirm for himself that he was feeling a hard on of epic proportions, to let the Capt know he felt it, and to see how the Capt reacted to him acknowledging it. "Got a problem there, Whitlock?" The Capts hands stilled and he froze around Jasper, seeming to hold his breath, waiting for Jaspers response. As he stretched so he brushed against the Capts groin again, he heard him draw a shuddering breath, "No Capt, there is no problem here at all." The Capt stepped closer and leaned down, "Well I am glad to hear that, we are nearly done here and I will give you that tour of the station and introduce you around."

The rest of the print process went quickly, and as the staff that normally worked in the processing area filed back in, the Capt subtly increased the distance between them so that the tension that had built up could calm down. As the last print scanned in and was accepted by the system, the Capt stepped back and smiled down at Jasper, clapping in on the shoulder, "Was that so bad?" Jasper smiled back shyly, "No sir, that wasn't bad at all." The Capt grinned at him and laughed, "Well then, how about I show you the station?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning to ya'll more sensitive sorts,there is some hate speech in this chapter. If you have never heard or read if before you have lived a very lucky and sheltered life.**

The rest of the morning was taken up with the most in-depth tour of the facility that any recruit had probably ever gotten, and before Jasper knew it, it was well into the afternoon and he was due to meet with Emmet to sign a lease on an apartment that Emmet had found for them to rent in the middle section of town. Jasper told the Capt about Emmet and how they had looked after each other in Iraq and now that they were back home. The Capt laughed when Jasper told him that Emmet had a crush on the secretary that worked the front desk, Rosalie. "Oh that poor fool, he will have a run for his money with her, she is tough on all of us and can kick ass and take names, I wish him luck." The Capt warned Jasper about some of the less desirable places to eat in town, as well as clued him in on the best places to get cheap. good. food. As he was getting ready to leave the office the Capt walked out with him under the guise of having a smoke. "So Whitlock, uh, your packet will process in a few weeks and the academy will start in about 6 weeks. You will go through the regular hiring process. The full back ground, polygraph, physical agility and all that to get hired on, and once you are hired, then you will get issued all your gear and you will be able to pick up some special security details and such that will help with financials. Do you and Emmet have enough resources to get you through for the next few months?" Jasper was touched that the Capt was concerned enough to ask about his status, and he reassured him that both he and Emmet had more than enough money save up to live on comfortably for several years, since both had saved nearly all their combat pay for the entirety of their deployments, and instead of buying new vehicles with hefty payments, they both drove older vehicles that were in good order and paid off. Their only expenses were rent that they were going to share and food, which with Emmet's ability to eat was considerable. The military was going to be covering the cost of the academy because it was for college credit, and they would be earning the equivalent of an associates degree that would later transfer to a university for advanced studies if they wanted, and they would be on the path to solid careers.

The Capt smiled at him as he stood there on the sidewalk in front of the station, "You seem to have a good plan for the future Whitlock, what about finding someone and settling down, have you given that any thought?" Jasper shrugged at him, "I don't know, I have never really thought about. I have never been around anyone long enough to want to try, so if anything were to happen, it would be the first time." Jasper looked squarely into the Captains eyes as he said the last sentence, making sure the meaning was taken, and as he saw the look of shock cross the Captains face, he smiled and said, "But I know there has to be someone who would at least be willing to give me a chance." The Capt took a shaky drag on his cigarette and looked at Jasper over the top of his sunglasses,

"So what will you be doing until the academy starts?" Jasper really wasn't quite sure what he was going to be doing. He knew he was going to have to get the apartment set up, and do some physical conditioning in preparation for the academy, but he had no hobbies or local friends outside of Emmett, and no idea where to begin. He played guitar and occasionally performed some of his music at open mic nights, but beyond that he was a loner. The Capt smiled at him, "Then I have just the thing for you, give me your phone." Jasper handed over his phone and the Capt quickly punched in some numbers and he then handed Jasper his phone, "Give me yours so I know how to find you, I have some details coming up that you would be perfect for, I just have to run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it." Jasper quickly put his number in the Captains phone, feeling exhilarated and hopeful that it meant more than just a professional contact. 'Well, I will see you around Whitlock, behave yourself and watch out for ole Gunny, he is like a grizzly with hemorrhoids when you face him down, he will keep trying your for awhile, so you watch your six." Jasper wasn't glad to hear he had made an enemy, but he was leaving the station significantly later than he arrived, feeling like he was walking on air, with hope for the first time in his life that he had met someone who was going to make a change for him that meant something.

Emmet was not thrilled that Jasper was late to their meeting at the apartment office. It had been a long hot day of trying to locate all the things they were going to need to get the place furnished and ready to move into, and when he didn't hear back from Jas by the appointment time, frankly he was worried because it wasn't like Jas to be late or to not be where he was supposed to be. Jas was steady as a rock, calm and reliable, where Emmett was the one who tended to be more fly by the seat of his pants, let the cards fall where they may kinda fella. The old lady manager was giving him the stink eye as it got later, and he tried calling Jas once again just before he heard the familiar rumble of Jaspers truck pulling into the parking lot outside the tiny office. When Jasper came strolling into the office with a smile on his face and a drawled apology that had the ole biddy manager about ready to drop drawers and lay spraddled across her desk for him, Emmett knew something major was up. He was fairly bouncing with the need to interrogate Jasper about what had lifted the general Eyeor demeanor of his friend, but they had to wade through signing everything in triplicate and then tour the apartment, decide who got what room, and bathroom and then look for any preexisting dings or scratches and then take the form back to the manager. Since power and all the other utilities were included, all they needed was to find some furniture and they were set.

Moving out of the barracks was as simple as picking up their duffels and checking out per procedure. After that they would simply be waiting for the military to allow the clock to run out on their contracts, due to their wounds from previous deployments, the likelihood of them being stop-lossed was next to none, so they walked off base feeling like free men with their lives ahead of them. Shopping for furnishings was a fresh hell that neither of them was ready to deal with. Though they had enough money to buy as nice as they wanted, they didn't want to go too extravagant. They agreed beds were a priority, so they went and both ordered queen sized beds. After years of sleeping either on the ground or in tiny billet racks, both men wanted room to stretch out or even sleep sideways if they so desired. Emmett ordered a metal framed four poster that looked like something out of science fiction, and Jasper decided to go with a rustic mansion bed frame that looked antique. They agreed on a large, leather couch with dual recliners and a center console for gaming controllers and a large wooden coffee table that would lift up and hold dinners. They rounded out the spending for the day with a 50 inch lcd tv with all the gaming consoles as well as about 20 games to get them started. The salesmen thought they had died and gone to commission heaven and quickly arranged to have it all delivered the next day.

Dinner was a couple pizzas and beer on the floor of their new apartment as they lounged on their sleeping bags for the last time. Emmett finally got to begin his interrogation, "Alright man, you gotta tell me, what the hell was up with you, when you came in late to the meeting today? Jasper fucking Whitlock is NEVER late, and he NEVER comes in smiling and throwing down the twang like he is going to put the spurs to the ole biddy right then and there, so what the hell man,? Jasper regarded Emmett with a casual look. He had known him for longer than he had known any other person outside of family, he considered him his brother. They had fought together, bled together, nearly died together and now they were starting their new lives together, could he trust him with the one thing that had destroyed his life over and over? Jasper sighed deeply and smiled sadly at his friend, he tipped his beer up and took a long swig and softly said, "I think I met someone." Emmett let out a low whistle and looked at him, "Duuuude, really? coool. Its about damn time, I mean, I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to put yourself out there." And then Emmett did the one thing that cemented in Jaspers heart that he was his brother and best friend forever, "So, are you going to tell me about him?" Jasper regarded his friend out of the corner of his eye, "How long have you known?" Emmett shrugged,"I don't know, probably since I met you, it wasn't a deal. You are my lil brother, I look out for you, I take care of you no matter what, its something I gotta do because I owe it to the memory of my cousin Rob." Jasper had heard Emmett mention Rob a time or two when they were sitting around drinking and talking alone between missions. Emmett told Jasper that Rob had been his favorite cousin, growing up. The cousin that always lead the mischief and that knew all the dirty jokes and was always leading the adventures. He was handsome and charming and funny and the girls flocked to him but he never dated, something that Emmett never paid attention to until the day Robs' step father dragged Rob to the door of the family house by his jacket collar, yelling and slapping the back of Robs head. The family was looking on as the stepfather screamed, "Bastard faggot" and other horrible words at Rob, because he had discovered Robs journal where he had written about his love of a boy who had just recently died. Emmett described how no one moved as the stepfather shoved Rob towards the street and kicked him, telling him to leave and never come back because there were no "Queers in the family!" Emmett was crying as he told Jasper that he remembered standing there as Rob turned and looked at him and he tried to go to Rob, to tell him that he still loved him and that he still considered him family, but his own father had grabbed his arm and dragged him in the house as he fought and cried. He had taken his last beating that night, and left home shortly thereafter, but not before hearing that Rob had hung himself from a bridge abutment in the city park just down from the family home. "I never got over that, and I never will and no one will ever feel that way on my watch ever again." Emmet fisted the tears out of his eyes in an angry gesture, "Love is love, man! I don't care who the hell it is as long as they are legal age and able to consent and I don't have to watch!" Jasper found himself trying not to choke up, he looked at Emmett with his eyes shining, and he said, "Man, not even my own blood could say that, they called me a bastard and threw me away before I even knew what I was. I wasn't even completely sure I was gay until today."

Emmett stood up to go get another beer out of the fridge, he passed one to Jasper, and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, "Well man, we are the only family we' ve got, you have me and I am here for you, you gotta put up with me whining about wanting Rosey and I will put up with you whining over this guy, soo, who is he?" Jasper sighed once again and said, "Well that is the problem, he is probably very much out of reach for at least the extent of the academy and maybe beyond if the sheriffs department hires us." Emmetts face took on a horrified cast to it, and he drew a deep breath, "Dude, tell me hes not rank" Jasper nodded, "Yeah, man, I fucked up big time, not only did I fall for rank, I fell for the big dog, I fell for Captain Cullen." Emmett took a deep gulp of his beer, and looked at Jasper appraisingly, "Well, I guess it could be worse, at least it aint the sheriff himself, but Jesus, could you have had worse timing or luck?" Jasper grunted at him, "I know man, if I didn't know he was interested as well, I would have just walked away and let it go, but man I know he is just as into it as I am and I cant help it, I want to know this guy." Emmett smiled at him, and got up to go take a piss, as he walked by Jaspers cell phone sounded with the tone for a text message. Jasper looked at the message and saw the phone number followed by P-11, not knowing what P-11 he called the number somewhat hesitantly. The familiar voice of Captain Cullen answered him. "Hello Whitlock, how are you doing this evening?" Jasper was a little drunk to be honest and it tended to make him a bit on the happy and even giggly side, so he languidly told the Capt, with his accent in full, panty dropping effect, "Wall im jest fine as frogs hair this evenin, howun are you?" Capt Cullen laughed softly, and replied,"Well Whitlock, I was bored so I was out driving around and I thought I would stop by and see how you are you are doing, would you like to go for a drive around town with me for a bit?" Jasper was stunned, he wanted nothing more than to spend more time with Captain Cullen. He said "That sounds like a plan, when would you be picking me up?" The Capt chuckled and said, "I am in the parking lot, how about you throw on some jeans and lets go?" "Holy Shit" Jasper exclaimed, "You could give a guy some warning!" Jasper jumped up quickly hanging up his cell phone and racing back to his bathroom, to grab a quick shower and change of clothes, he took the quickest shower in history and threw on his Levis and boots with a t-shirt, and with a shout to Emmett to not wait up, he was out the door and into the parking lot, finger combing his hair as he went, when he realized he had no idea what vehicle he was looking for, He stepped out into the middle of the parking lot and as he did, he was briefly illuminated by the light of a truck at the end of the parking lot. He began walking towards it, and the truck pulled towards him. It was a monstrous machine. The newest year full sized Dodge 4 door 4x4 with a lift that meant Jasper was going to have to hop to get into the cab. As it pulled up next to him he heard the lock click open and he pulled the door open. The interior light was rigged to not illuminate when the passenger door was open, so all he could see was the Capt dimly lit by the instrument panel. "Well Whitlock are you coming?" Jasper grinned and looked up at him, "Im doing my best" as he hopped up into the passenger seat and shut the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Im going to give you a little insight into how Edward thinks and where he is coming from. This will not be an exact repeat of everything you just read from Jaspers POV, Edward does a whole bunch of stuff that does not involve Jasper, but I felt you needed to understand his mindset.**

Being married to your career is the loneliest life imaginable. By all appearances I had it all, I was rising fast in rank and in all likelihood I was going to be the next sheriff. I have all the toys any man could want, and my life of leisure is envied by those who think they know me. I have horses and a nice big house and I travel all that I want, but I do it alone. I have no one. Tried dating for awhile, in fact I tried dating a woman, the daughter of my best friend and mentor. We went out for a couple of years and she never questioned why we hardly ever had sex. I was gone all the time to work and scrambling my way to the top of the pile and all she had to do was hang out at the house and go shopping and be a woman. It was a good arrangement that was working until I came home and caught her fucking one of my deputies in my bed on my birthday. I had to dump her ass then because the deputy couldn't keep his mouth shut about fucking her, and well…I just couldn't let that shit stand, so unofficially I have been nursing a broken heart for the past few years, truth is Im gay, have been for as long as I can remember, but you don't get anywhere in this department being gay, so I shoved that part of myself in the closet and I just maintain the "John Wayne, Cock of the Walk persona" around here and no one bothers me if I get to feeling tense enough to need to scratch the itch, I get in my truck and drive to Las Vegas to a very nice hotel on the strip where I reserve a very expensive suite for the weekend along with a very expensive young man that has no idea who the hell I am and he never will. I get looks, hell, Im not stupid, badge bunnies that like the whole cop thing have given me plenty of attention, and then there are women in the department who have a desire to hitch their wagon to me in an attempt to be Mrs. Sheriff when I finally get there in the next 5 years, but none of them clue in that I just don't give a fuck. I have my work and she is a jealous mistress, my hobbies, and those keep me plenty busy, my dog "Duke" and my horses. I really haven't had time to even want anything, that is until I saw him walking towards me up the damn parking lot today.

When I first saw the print card, I thought it was some kind of joke. The prints looked like they had chunks missing out of them and were virtually useless. I raised hell with the tech that took them and he told me that the fella that he took them from was a veteran who had been injured, and those were the best he could get. Normally I would have just rejected the card and sent a letter telling the recruit to try again next rotation, but I felt that I had to give this guy a shot, so I called the contact number and left a message telling him to come in for a re-do. I never imagined he was going to make me want to re do my whole damned life.

It was our typical Monday morning exiles meeting out front. The sheriff was on another health kick and wasn't joining us so I was kicked back against the wall, trying to stay out of the worst of the sun while keeping an eye on Gunny. He was our resident pain in the ass that we just couldn't seem to get rid of even though he had bounced up and down in rank so much that the line officers called him, "Ping-Pong" behind his back, currently he had managed to hold onto his Sergeants stripes for all of 6 months after being busted back from Watch Commander for roughing up a rookie he thought was being disrespectful of him. The kid was being disrespectful, but hell, Gunny deserved it, not only was he an ugly motherfucker, he was mean as a stepped on rattlesnake. I don't know what he had on the sheriff, but my first order of business once I took over shop was going to be to get rid of the rotten old bastard as soon as possible.

We were all just standing there contemplating the start of the day when we heard him before we saw him. The truck was a rolling noise complaint, and I was frankly surprised to see the green monstrosity pull into the parking lot and then park right next to my baby. I was almost had a heart attack, worried that the ugly of the grass green paint was going to rub off on my truck, and the laughter of the chuckleheads standing around at the look on my face didn't help. Gunny growled, "What the hell do we have here, who sent their kid up here to disturb my morning smoke?" and for a fact, the person walking up the lot towards us did appear to be a young teen boy at first glance. Gunny stepped right up to be his usual bulldog, asshole self and he braced the kid right off the bat, but as the kid stopped and looked at him, I could tell that there was a wariness and weariness in the eyes that spoke of age.

I was struck by my reaction to the small man standing in front of us. He wasn't much to speak of size wise, in fact he was a bit of a bandy-legged runt, but he was obviously in good shape and he was what could be described as a "Pretty" man, and I knew that he had probably caught more than his fair share of hell for his size and his features, but I wanted to just step up and protect him. Something about him just drew me in and I knew right then and there I wanted to know him, but after he met my eyes and then spoke, I was done for, roped, tied and ready to ride in more ways than one. That cocky lil son of a bitch had me wrapped around his delicate little finger and I was lost.

After he lipped off to Gunny, I knew he was fixin to get pounded if I didn't step in. Gunny wouldn't let an affront to his masculinity stand, even if it meant beating the snot out of the kid right on the front steps of the station, but I knew if I stepped in and reminded him just how close he was to being a slick sleeve again, he might step off and leave the kid be for the time being. Just leaning forward and whispering in his ear, "Is this lil peckerwood worth bein a slick sleeve road dog again? You better stand your ass down, Gunny" To his credit, the gunny actually listened and just grunted his typical "10-4" response and went back inside to sulk in his cave down in the evidence bay. He knew that being inside and having an office was very preferable to being out on the road at his age, so he wasn't going to push his luck.

The rest of the crew scattered to go back to work, leaving me with the kid on the front deck. I felt kinda bad being the reason he nearly got a beating first thing on a Monday morning, so I felt like I had to make things right. I nutted up and stepped forward and offered to shake hands with him, he was looking at me like he wasn't quite sure what to think about me, but his face was red so he was feeling something. His hands were scarred up, but deceptively strong for such a runty fella, and I was taken by how green his damn eyes were and how full his lips were. It was mind boggling that a man should be that damn pretty and I found myself wanting to touch his face, but luckily we both seemed to snap the hell out of it before we outed ourselves right in front of the station and all the inmates in lockup watching out their windows.

Getting more time with him was something I defiantly wanted so I decided that I was going to redo his prints personally on our new Afis machine. It was so new it wasn't even in the main processing area, it was down by my office and only used by rank who had been specially trained, until we got the rest of the knuckleheads squared away at the end of the month. Whitlock would be the first and only recruit to get his prints done that way, but because the sheriff was a veteran and had a soft spot for underdogs, I knew it would fly, plus this kid could be very useful. The local high school had a problem with meth being sold by one of the football team members, but due to the fact we couldn't seem to get anyone in the schools that could pass the narc sniff test amongst the student body, we hadn't been able to ferret him out, I knew we had just found our ringer, that is if I could stand to put him into the meat grinder that was undercover work, and if he passed the background and academy requirements. Enough of putting the cart before the horse, I knew then that I wanted to get to know this man, not just because his smart assed demeanor and confidence put a snap in my boxers and about made it hard to stand there face to face with him, but because his eyes told me that he needed me as much as I needed him and I was bound and determined to find out just what the hell it was about him that made me even want to consider violating every policy we had in place against fraternization, just to be around him.

Walking though the station with him on my heels I flew past everyone like a man on a mission, and I knew he was having to hustle to keep up, but I didn't want folks to get any ideas that he was anything buy some recruit that I was trying to help out. Having a reputation as a generally kind-hearted but standoffish kinda fella can come in handy at times and with the sheriffs policy of taking in the orphans, bastards, brawlers and general miscreants that other departments wont even consider due to their general standard of only accepting the poster children for perfection, I knew we would be able to slide past without too many comments, no one even suspected I dressed to the left as far as I knew, and I planned to keep it that way. I didn't know if Whitlock was even gay, but if he was, I planned on finding out and then I planned on making sure he knew he wasn't alone.

He was a quiet lil fucker, he just followed along behind me like I had him on a leash, and when we got down to where we the machine was I stopped short just to see if he was paying attention. Yeah, it was a dick move, but I kinda gotta a kick out of how flustered he got when he ran into me, and it gave me another excuse to touch him and see how he reacted. I was still playing it off as no big deal, but I was going to step it up a notch when we got to the printing machine.

The machine was already up and running, so we didn't have to stand there with our teeth in our heads while we waited for it to warm up, but then again, that also cut down on my time I could just spend pumping him for information and looking at him. He was nice to look at, even with the light pattern of scars I could see. He had some freckles and a mole on his cheek that was just…dayuum! I was gonna have to go rub one out if I kept it up, just to get through this. I explained to him how he was going to have to stand facing the machine while I stepped up behind him, and that was where it was going to get interesting, so I figured I might as well go for broke. When I said I liked to take control, I knew he understood exactly what I was putting down, and I felt him get a little shaky, hook, line and sinker I knew I had him.

When he told me how he got the scars, I wanted to take him into my arms and just hug all that pain away, but I knew for damn sure that shit wouldn't fly in the squad bay, so I settled for thanking him. The printing was going pretty smoothly, but being up against him with my arms around him was creating a bit of a situation. When I shifted positions to get to his left hand, I knew he felt it, and Ill be damned if the lil fucker didn't rare back and rub up against me. We were running out of time to get a handle on things so I just asked if we had a problem, and his answer made me feel alive inside for the first time in years.

Giving him the tour of the whole damn shooting match gave me the excuse to keep him around longer. I wasn't ready for him to take off, and because I didn't know when our schedules would allow us to be around each other again, I was being greedy. He was easy to talk to and a quick study. When he smiled it really lit up the room. The gals in the office about fell all over themselves making googly eyes at him and he really cranked up the charm and the accent when he met Rosalie, I later discovered that was an effort to help his buddy Emmett to get into her good graces, but Whitlock came damn close to melting that ice queen into a puddle of goo on the carpet with just his "aw shucks" and smile alone, so he woulda been golden if he wanted her to just drop panty right there on the desk in front of him. The dude was a lethal weapon and he had succeeded in not only working his way into my mind and affections, he had half the damn staff charmed by the time he told me he had to go meet his buddy to sign papers on his apartment.

With his charisma and charm I knew he was going to be a shoe in with the department, the only one we were gonna have to worry about was the gunny, but then that old bastard didn't like anybody but himself, so I was going to have to make sure to run interference to keep him away from Whitlock, because until the gunny got his pound of flesh, he was going to be gunning for the kid, and the academy, where he was an assistant instructor, was the perfect location for him to extract a little payback. I knew I was gonna have to be a little more hands on with this class than I was planning, even if I didn't want to be.

As he was getting ready to leave I decided to take my last union smoke break of the day and get a moment to just chat him up in private under the guise of giving him the deets on his packet processing time and just being an all around hell of a nice guy. I got his number and gave him mine because hell, you never know when something would come up. But when he told me he had never…ever…holy sweet mother of all that is right with the world! I copied that info clear as a bell and I was flattened. I knew he was young. I knew he was a shy fella, but I never expected him to be that much of a rookie. I about had to sit my ass down on the sidewalk to contemplate all the implications of that little bit of information. It meant so many damn things, not only was he someone that I couldn't just maul and be done with, it also meant that he had no fucking idea what he was in for.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thought I would throw anther chapter at you as a holiday treat. If anybody out there has an opinion on things or any questions on some of the phrases or jargon I use, shoot me a line, I do respond to reviews and they are appreciated.**

When I realized I was fond of fellas, I knew that I liked to be the boss in the situation, in fact I tended to be a bit on the rough and commanding side when it came down to getting my rocks off, but I did know how to romance and that is exactly what I intended to do with Whitlock once he dropped that little bombshell on me.

After he left, the day seemed to drag on forever. The results on his prints came back pretty damn quick, he had the speeding tickets in Texas he had reported, and beyond that nothing. Never even stopped for a field interview by any other departments. I gathered his and McCarty's packets and took them down to our hiring officer to make sure that they got expedited processing in time for the academy. I wanted those fellas to have the sheriffs departments brand on them before any of the other agencies came sniffing around the academy class looking for fresh meat for their grinders. I knew McCarty was going to be a hot property with his size and his Explosive Ordinance Disposal experience, and I had a feeling that wherever McCarty went, Whitlock would follow just out of habit, and I wanted to keep both of them with me for the time being.

After handing off their packets to the hiring team with the words, "Make it happen", I headed out to the Academy to eat a little crow and kiss the ass of the director so he would let me come out and play with Whitlocks class. I knew I wasn't going to have to beg too damn hard, after all they were always in need of warm bodies to teach the damn sections and I was certified to teach pretty much everything except First Aid, which oddly enough, Whitlock was. Turns out his papers show he was a fully certified medic and had functioned in his unit as the Senior corpsman for most of their deployments, saving more than half a dozen lives and was even decorated for it, he seemed to be the poster boy for the old saying, "Its not the size of the dog in the fight, it s the size of the fight in the dog." and I found myself contemplating him more and more as I drove out towards the campus.

The director of the academy was a crusty son of a gun that was what could be described as a, "Character", he had been a cop in one of the toughest beats in the U.S. and it had left him with gallows humor of the worst sort, diabetes that was minimally controlled and oddly enough a heart of gold when it came to taking in strays, including me. He knew I was alone in the world when I hit town over a decade ago, and when I came sniffing around his table at the college orientation seminar I was attending while I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do after getting out of the Corp, he put a bug in my ear about being a cop and making a difference that rang true, so before I knew it, I was signed up to attend his academy as and he was putting in a good word for me with the sheriff, and the rest they say is history. I owed him so I had spent more than a few years helping out with the classes that came after, wrangling recruits, volunteering to get whopped up on when they needed a bad guy, and once I got certified, then teaching classes and later entire sections. I had been trying to pull back a little and let the younger guys step up to the plate and contribute since I was constantly busy with running SWAT and working the undercover narco unit, but I knew they were hurting for help so I was going to kill two birds with one stone and protect Whitlock from the gunny as best I could while he was at the academy, as well as spend a little more time getting to know him and seeing how he was on a day to day basis.

The director was in his office putting the finishing touches on the curriculum changes for the new class when I walked in, and he looked at me over the top of his glasses with a smirk, " Well what the hell brings your rabbity ass out to this neck of the woods?" He had always called me, "Rabbit" because he said I was jumpy as hell when he met me, and I was lanky and funny looking like a teen age jack rabbit. I tolerated it from him, but no one else knew of that nick name or if they did, they were too damn smart to use it in my presence. I told him that I missed helping out, and since I was trying to stay involved with the line officers a little better, I wanted to do some bonding time by spending some time working with the new boots. He gave me his skeptical smirk and I knew he wasn't buying it for a minute, but he decided to let me off the hook for the time being. He knew we had a sizeable recruit class coming through with 15 recruits due to land on his deck in less than 6 weeks just from my department, and he needed all the help he could get, because between us and all the other departments, he was facing having a class of over 40 cadets, mostly Marines and probably all thinking they knew it all. He tossed me a file with the breakdown on the recruits and it was scary looking, 36 former Marines, 4 "Other" meaning that they had no background in military or law enforcement, though 2 of them had college degrees, and one was a doctor. The last one was questionable due to some discrepancies on his background investigation, and he might not even clear for admission, so we were looking at starting off with at least 39, if they all showed up.

Whitlocks name had a red check by it and that damn sure caught my attention, but I remained all casual about it when I asked why he was marked as a concern. "Im waiting for his psyche to come back clear, but even if it does, Im gonna try to wash him out because I don't think hes gonna make the cut in the long run." I about saw red when he said that, me and the director had been friends for years, but to not even cut the kid a shot due to some prejudice based on appearance, that was out of character and uncalled for. I called him on it, and brought to his attention that Whitlock was a veteran, as well as a medic and I asked if the director had even met him. He laughed at me, "Of course I met him, I know more about him than you do there, Rabbit. I know that he has and will put others above himself to the point of putting himself at risk, I know he pushes himself to the point of exhaustion and self injury to achieve what he sees as the objective, he is a great human being who cares nothing about himself, and is loyal to a fault, and its that fault that worries me, plus I don't know if he can get through all the physical challenges, have you seen how runty that fucker is?" It made laugh, I had to wonder myself about how he was going to go over a 6ft wall and fight some of the knuckleheads we had in the defensive tactics practical's, but I figured if he had survived a few years in Iraq as a combat medic, then he was going to be fine in the academy. I pointed that fact out to the director, "The kid is a survivor and hes been through a lot, I don't think our dogs are gonna give him too much hell that he cant handle. The director gave me an appraising look, " What's your game, Rabbit, why this stray? He's gonna be a problem down the road, maybe get himself killed, he's a pretty boy and pretty boys end up bringing a lot of grief down on themselves and their department." I mulled over his words, and I knew he was right in some ways, but I wasn't willing to let him write Whitlock off. "Lets give him a shot, if he cant hack it by midway, I will terminate him from the program personally, but if he's maintaining, then you owe me a solid, deal?" the director scoffed and looked at me like he knew I was up to no good, but he stuck his meaty paw at me over his messy desk and grudgingly said, "Deal, the pretty boy is your problem, if he fucks up, its your ass on the line and I will gloat over it." I grimaced with how aptly he put that statement, and decided it was time to take my ass on down the road to the house. I had critters waiting to be fed and tended and then I was going out prowling around to see just what my new pet project got up to in the evening.

It was getting onto midnight when I rolled into the apartment complex Whitlock had rented in. I was familiar with the place because we had a few deputies that had lived there in the past. It had a decent reputation and was clean, considering the area. I located the unit he was in and parked in a typical surveillance position to see if anybody was moving around inside,(yeah, a bit on the stalkerish side, but I wanted to make sure he was still awake before I texted him),when I saw a shape move in the window, I knew at least someone was up, so I sent him my number with a call number as a tail. Didn't know if he knew what that meant, but he had to learn sometime. He called me back right away and I knew by the drawl that my boy was just a little bit on the snockered side, I knew then this could be in my favor.

Taking him out riding around was a risk, but it was a risk that was easy to pawn off as showing him the ropes and introducing him to the narco team which I most certainly intended to do, if I happened to run across them. He was down the stairs and out in the parking lot in less than 10 minutes which I thought was kinda funny considering I called him outta the blue and he had obviously been in the rack and relaxing, I knew the boy was interested then and when he hopped up into the seat of my truck with that grin, I knew things could get very interesting if I let them.

EmPOV

Now that the elephant was out of the closet, or whatever that stupid saying was, Emmett felt like he could finally relax and breathe around Jasper, except for the fact his friend was now crushing on the one man that held their careers with the department in the palm of his hand. He was a little stunned to find out the Capt. was gay, but then he hadn't been around him more than a few minutes and truthfully the guy kinda weirded him out. He was friendly enough, but he gave off a vibe that he was evaluating each person to see what they could do for him. Emmett knew pure ambition when he saw it, he had spent enough time in the military to know that there were people who would use the knife they stuck in your back as a rung on the ladder up to the top and he hoped like hell the Capt was not like that for Jaspers sake. He knew Jasper had never put himself out there, and he didn't want his first time to end in a train wreck.

When Jasper hollered he was going out after he got the text, Emmett was concerned but he kept his fears to himself. Jasper was small but tough and he had been in tough scrapes before and come out on top, besides, Emmett knew who he was with and as he watched the truck pull out of the parking lot with his little brother in it, he made sure he was clearly visible in the window and that the driver knew he was watching.

JPOV

Jasper was nervous. He had survived missions under fire as a combat medic. He had been in fights and brawls to numerous to count, but sitting in the passenger seat of the Captains truck, headed out to God knows where, next to a man that he knew he had strong feelings for, Jasper was nervous, so much so his voice came out as a squeak when he asked, "So where are we going ,Sir?" The Capt. chuckled, "First off we are going to get you something to drink so you don't sound like you are choking to death anymore, and then we will see. Second, don't call me Sir, when its just us, Im Edward, Jasper." Jasper was glad there were no lights in the cab of the truck to show how flushed his face was, he laughed softly and said, "Yeah, a drink would be a good idea I think." The Capt turned onto a side street lined with liquor stores and fast food joints, and Jasper was stunned when the Capt pulled into a drive thru liquor store and ordered a couple 12 packs of beer and bottle of Jack Daniels. He grinned at Jasper as he waited for the clerk to process his card, "Tomorrow is my day off so im going to relax a little and indulge." He handed the packages to Jasper and drove out of the parking lot, heading towards the outskirts of town to where the railroad sidings were. As the truck turned down a dirt side road Jaspers insides clinched in worry. He wasn't willing to become some one night stand no matter how attracted he was to the Capt. and he damn sure didn't want to have his first time be in the cab of a truck on some dirt road in the desert, but he before he could say anything the Capt spoke up, "You are mighty damn quiet right now, are you okay, Im not bringing you down here to hurt you, I want to show you something."

Jasper drew a ragged breath, he leaned back in the seat and regarded the Capt for a moment, " Sorry, I just get a bit tense when I am riding in a vehicle in the desert." The Capt. slammed on the brakes and stared at Jasper, "Holy Jesus! Oh my God im soo fucking sorry man I didn't even think about that!, Do you want to go back into town? We can turn around right now." Jasper reached down and grabbed a beer out of the box and cracked it open and the truck sat there idling, "No, im okay, are we going much further?" He slugged down half the beer in short order and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and looked at Capt Cullen, letting the weight of that statement settle into him. The Capt reached over and gently grasped his hand and slowly pulled him over towards him, bringing his other hand up to stroke the side of Jaspers face and he leaned down and whispered in his ear in a shaky voice, "We will go as far as you are willing to take me."

Jaspers body broke out in goose bumps and he shuddered in both pleasure and fear as the Capt ran his fingers gently up and down his neck, tracing the back of his ear and playing with his collar on his t-shirt. Jasper drew a ragged breath and softly said, "I don't know what to do, I have never…" the Capt interrupted him softly, "I understand, and I am not going to push you, I think we should go slow, but I want you to know I want you, and I will take my time with you and treat you right, but we have to keep it on the QT." Jasper nodded, "I understand after all I lived under, DADT for most of my adult life." The Capt continued stroking Jaspers neck and around his ear, his forehead resting against the top of Jaspers head as they both debated their next move. The Capt seemed to reach a decision and he reached down and took the beer from Jaspers hand and set it on the dash of the truck. He pulled Jasper closer and ran his hand over Jaspers cheek again and then running his fingers under Jaspers chin he tipped his face up until Jasper was looking him in the face. " I wont be able to acknowledge you or what you are to me in the academy or around the department, its against policy, and we would both be in a world of shit if anyone suspected, but if you could live under those terms we can be together. I don't know how much I can offer you, I am married to my career, and it's a jealous bitch, but I want to give things a try, do you?" Jasper was shocked, he wasn't even thinking that far ahead, the concept of a relationship was so foreign as to be a word he didn't even comprehend, but the idea was intriguing, and he filed it away for later consideration, he just knew he was feeling something, something powerful and something that had the potential to change him at a fundamental level and he would have agreed to cut out his heart at that point, so he looked into the Capts eyes and nodded as the Capt bent forward and gave Jasper the first kiss he had ever gotten in his life from another man.


	7. Chapter 7

Jasper entire body was shaking as the Capt kissed him. His senses were on overload and he didn't know how to react so he just let his body take over and rule things for a moment. His arms came up and he put his hands on the sides of the Capts face, stroking and feeling the stubble along his strong jaw, he traced down the back of his neck and along his ears and the Capt continued to kiss him, slowly and gently moving his mouth against Jaspers mouth, his tongue caressing his lower lip until it gained entrance into Jaspers mouth. The Capt tasted of mint and coffee and Jasper was rapidly becoming painfully aroused as the Capt began kissing his way along Jaspers neck to his ear, gently nipping and tasting as he went. His right arm went around Jasper and he pushed Jasper down into the bench seat so that he was somewhat flat on his back, yet, firmly against the Capts chest. They continued kissing for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only a few minutes when the Capt stopped with his forehead against Jaspers. He looked down into his eyes, smiling, " I think we better drive on to where I was headed while I can still operate the brakes, what do you say?" Jasper could only nod, he wasn't quite sure he could sit up without hurting himself, but he also knew that sitting in the middle of a road in a running truck, was not a good plan, so he started working on thinking of things to help alleviate the situation. The Capt chuckled and stretched his long legs out towards the pedals and adjusted himself with a grimace, "I don't know about you, but I am wishing I was wearing anything but jeans right about now." Jasper busted out laughing and grabbed his beer off the dash of the truck, "Yeah, I can damn sure see the benefits of sweats right about now."

The Capt put the truck in gear and they continued on down the road until they reached a small clearing that was obviously the edge of a bluff. The Capt pulled the truck around and backed it up until the tailgate was facing the edge and then he killed the engine, reached over grabbed a pack of the beer and said to Jasper, "Well, c'mon, you gotta see this."

Jasper stepped out of the truck and walked around to the tailgate as the Capt opened it and set the carton of beer in the bed of the truck. From their position on the bluff, they could see all the lights of the city spread out below them. The golden and red glow dimly illuminated the surrounding mountains that were topped by clouds and the thumbnail moon was plainly visible above them. The Capt leaned back against the tailgate as Jasper jumped up and sat on the gate itself, he grabbed another beer and cracked it open, downing half of it to try and calm his nerves as the Capt lit a cigarette and regarded him.

"So you have never been with anyone before?" Jasper took another swig of beer and looked away, "No" he replied softly, "In fact I wasn't even sure what I wanted until just recently." The Capt let out a low whistle, "How in the hell did a good lookin fella like you escape someone wrangling you up a long time ago?" Jasper laughed, " I have been a little busy in a part of the world where I didn't exactly have a lot of opportunities to investigate my social life, and when I was stateside, I pretty much just stayed with Emmett or on base." The Capt moved closer to Jasper until he was standing between Jaspers knees. With Jasper sitting on the tailgate, that put him in the perfect position for him to pick up where he left off in the cab of the truck. He put his hands on Jaspers arms and leaned in and once again kissed him gently, letting Jasper set the pace and feel his way to where he wanted the kiss to go. He slowly moved his hands up and down Jaspers arms, feeling the lean muscle in his arms. He felt Jasper hesitantly move, as if he wanted to put his hands on his chest, so he ran his hands down to Jaspers hands and brought them up to his chest, showing him it was okay. He moaned softly as Jasper ran his hands over his pecs, up to his shoulders and neck, and then into his hairline. He put his arms around the smaller man, pulling him towards him so that they were pressed together.

JPOV

Jasper could feel his heart pounding in his ears. His entire body was on fire and he felt like he was going to explode if much more went on. He was painfully hard, and sitting on the tailgate was not the best of places to be, but when the Capt pulled him up against him and he felt "IT" right "THERE", it was all he could do to not have his eyes roll back into his head. His grip on the Capt became tighter and he deepened his kiss, trying to get the message across that he was in need. The Capt understood and began tracing up and down his spine with his fingers with one hand while slowly rubbing the outside of Jaspers thigh with the other. Jasper didn't intend to be so subtle, he ran his hand over the Capts chest, tracing the outline of his pecs to the middle and then down the middle of what damn sure felt like a six pack to the top of the Capts belt. He began pulling the Capts shirt out of his jeans until he could get his hands up underneath to the bare skin. He ran his hands up the Capts chest and around to his back, pulling him closer, trying to gain some pressure, some friction, something that would relieve some of the build that was verging on agony within him. The Capt reached down and grasped the hem of Jaspers t-shirt, gently pulling it up and over his head. It tangled around Jaspers wrists, forcing him to remove his hands from the Capts shirt, but that became a moot point a second later when the Capt removed his own shirt. "Wait here a minute, Im gonna get something." he stepped to the back door of the truck and pulled out a bedroll and tossed it into the bed of the truck. He jumped up in and unfolded it. "C'mer" he stood in the bed of the truck, the soft lights from the city providing a golden back glow that made him look almost like an angel as he extended his hand to Jasper.

EPOV

I wanted him so damn bad it was taking all my control to not just take him down, strip those jeans off of his tight little ass and put it to him. He had me so fired up that I could hardly breathe and when he put his hands on my bare chest I knew we were gonna have to go a little further than I was planning, if either of us wanted to be able to sit for the ride home. I kept the bedroll in the truck for the times I got stuck out on a surveillance detail or when I was traveling, it just came in handy to have, much that that night. He looked so damn sweet and trusting sitting there on the tailgate looking up at me when I held out my hand, my heart about melted in my chest. I knew the boy needed to go slow, and I was going to try to do just that, but I was also going to give him a small taste of just what he could look forward to by being with me.

He reached up and took my hand and I pulled him up to me. Running my hands over his shoulders and down his leanly muscled back, I could feel bumps and lines that I knew were scars, and in the dim lighting I could make out shadows on his torso that I knew had to be tattoos that I would most certainly want to explore in the light, but then I just wanted to touch him and have him touch me. I tilted his chin up again and kissed him deeply, and putting my hands on his shoulders I gently began forcing him to his knees with me onto the bedroll. He was hesitant, but I whispered in his ear as I tasted his earlobe, "I am not going to hurt you, I promise" and though I curse myself for a lying bastard now, I meant it with all my heart at that moment.

JPOV

When the Capt began pushing him down to his knees, Jasper was afraid he knew what was coming next, and he half expected to hear a zipper being undone, but instead the Capt was following him down to the bedroll and whispering promises that he wasn't going to hurt him. Jasper found himself on his back with the Capt hovering over him, his powerful shoulders flexing as he kissed his way down Jaspers neck and collarbones. "You can touch me as much as you want Jasper, I wont break. I might explode but I wont break." Jasper let out a shuddering breath and slowly raised a hand to the Capts face, Edward leaned into in and kissed Jaspers palm. "I want to make you feel good, is that okay? You don't have to do anything, just relax and let me run the show, okay?" Jaspers eyes widened in surprise and he slowly nodded, unable to speak for fear of squeaking again. Edward kissed his hand again and then began working on his neck and collar bones again as Jasper softly moaned in pleasure, he was so enraptured by Edwards kisses, he almost didn't notice the feel of Edward stroking his chest, and his side and how it was becoming longer and longer strokes until Edward gently trailed his fingers across where Jaspers dick was straining against his jeans. Jasper gasped and his eyes flew open, he was embarrassed by the moan that came out of him and Edwards soft laugh did nothing to help that. "I take it you liked that, well then we are going to have to do something about that." Jasper tried to sit up, ashamed he was reacting like some schoolgirl being deflowered, but Edward wasn't having it, 'Relax, I am not going to hurt you! Just lay back and let yourself feel this, I promise you will enjoy it, and there is no judgment here, hell, I am no pro at this either." Edward pushed Jasper back down gently, and then he sat up, straddling Jaspers groin area. He continued softly touching Jaspers chest, tracing his pecs and down his lean abdomen to his navel. The sensation was driving Jasper insane with want, and he arched his back upwards even though he was doing his best to remain still. Edward leaned forward and took Jaspers hands within his and placed them on his chest, "Touch me Jasper, explore, I am all yours and you are welcome to feel what you want to feel, I know I am going to." With that Edward started kissing his way down Jaspers chest, over to each nipple, taking time to nibble and gently pull on them with his teeth until Jasper was gasping and groaning with pleasure as well as sensation overload. When Edward shifted his position to the side and then continued down Jaspers stomach, he froze, almost afraid to take a breath. Edward had a hand on Jaspers hip, holding him still as Edward kissed and tasted his way around Jaspers abdomen, his tongue tracing from his pecs to his navel and then to the top of his jeans.

EPOV

Good Lord he was perfect, nervous and shy but eager and he was all mine to break in just the way I wanted. I could teach him to do things the way I liked them done, and it don't get no better than that, but I could not screw this up,(so to speak), so I had to make him want it, and want it bad, and the best way to do that was to give him a little taste ,(again so to speak) of what he could expect. Sucking dick was something I preferred to receive rather than give, but this was a special circumstance and he looked good enough to eat, so I was gonna do just that, plus as vocal as he was I knew it was gonna be well worth it just for the reaction it was going to get out of him. I could feel the boys heart racing in his chest as I kissed my way down his chest and stroked his side and his hip, building him up and teasing him along. I put a hand on his chest to hold him down because I knew when I dipped my hand beneath the waistband of those low slung jeans, I knew he was gonna buck like a fresh cut stud colt and I wasn't gonna let him get away. I teased along the waistband of his jeans and ran my fingers over the outline of his dick, and I can tell you, some damn things are bigger in Texas. He may have been short in height, but he was blessed in other areas and I smiled at the bonus of not only finding a fella that I would be able to break in right, but that one who was packing heat. I continued kissing across his stomach as I eased my way down in the bed of the truck so that I was kneeling between his legs. He raised up on his elbows and looked at me, nearly panting with want as I reached up and ran my hand down his chest to the top button of his jeans, "Lay back Jasper, trust me, I am not going to hurt you, Lay Back." He groaned softly, gulped down the rest of his beer and then collapsed back onto the bed roll as I unbuttoned his jeans and eased them down to his knees.

JPOV

Jaspers head was spinning. He knew he was good and drunk after having drunk 6 beers at home and then slugged a half a dozen more in short order in the truck. he wasn't a drinker and on top of all the sensory overload he felt like he was about to come apart. His heart was racing, his damn legs were shaking for some reason and he was so damn hard that he felt like his dick could just pop off and be used to break walls down. When Edward pulled his jeans down he didn't really know what was going to happen, but he was also wracked with anticipation, he wanted it. He wanted to know what it felt like to be loved that way, to be part of another person and have them be part of him, moving together and feeling everything, he was just afraid of the unknown. When Edward leaned down and softly traced the tattoo on his left hip bone, he shuddered, no one other than the tattoo artist had touched it since it had been done, and the sensation was incredible, but it was nothing compared to what Edward did next.


	8. Chapter 8

That tattoo on his hip …damn, that just killed me. If I was a cold-hearted, intending to take advantage, use him, abuse him and then kick him to the curb bastard, the sum total of all the things about that boy that melted my heart was found right there in that damn tattoo. "Im Lost" . DAMMIT! Why the hell couldn't have been a Goddamned Tasmanian devil or some USMC tattoo like all the other knuckleheads had to get? Why couldn't the night have been a little darker so I couldn't see it? Why did he have to get so damn deep under my skin? I couldn't just go ahead and fuck him after that no matter how badly I may have been tempted. I was going to make this all about him and make him feel good, and I was going to try hard to stick with my plan of romancing the lil fella, hell, maybe we could make a go of it. I leaned down and kissed it and then I made sure I put a hand on his chest to keep him in place as I kissed my way across to the other hip bone. He had a nice little happy trail leading down to his package, and his dick was as pretty as the rest of him, curving a little bit to the left, but otherwise straight and thick, rising up out of a neatly trimmed nest of hair. The boy was smooth up top, but his legs were hairy, and I could tell he had to shave fairly regularly, so he was quite the puzzle of perfect that I couldn't not wait to look at in some light. I softly blew on his dick, just to watch it twitch, and he whimpered softly, arching his back in an attempt to find some relief, and just as he did that, I leaned down and grasping the base of his dick with my free hand, I took the rest of him into my mouth as he let out a garbled shout. I didn't give him time to process what was going on, I swiftly teased the head of his dick with my tongue as he gasped and moaned, his hips bucking in spite of my hold on him, his hands slapped the bed of the truck as he tried to figure out what to do with them. Working the head of his dick over with my tongue, I used my other hand to give his sac some attention as well as his perineum. I slowed my pace a bit so that he could process a little of what I was doing and he finally thought to put one of his hands on my head, but he didn't try to control what I was doing I looked up at him and he was raised back up on his elbows, watching me, his eyes as large as saucers, mouth slightly open in both arousal and shock. I allowed some of the spit in my mouth to run down so that I had a little lubrication, and I became a little more adamant about teasing around his backside with my fingers, he dropped back down flat and moaned so decided to get his attention again by deep throating him and picking up the pace, As I took him all the way into the back of my throat, I dipped a finger in and moan that came out of him was erotic enough to make me able to cut diamonds with my dick.

JPOV

Nothing could have prepared him for that, nothing. He was so far into sensory overload that he knew he was about to explode at any second and then Edward slowed it down and just let sensation after sensation build within him. He was in ecstasy but also agony, afraid of looking like a damn fool if he came to fast or did the wrong thing. He didn't know where to put his hands or what to do. Was he supposed to do that back to Edward? He didn't know if he could yet. Was he supposed to tell him he was coming? What if Edward wanted to go the whole distance tonight? He knew he wasn't ready for that, and when Edward pulled his jeans down to his knees he realized he was more vulnerable with the much larger man than he had ever been with anyone in his entire life, and he was a little worried, if Edward wanted to just push the matter, there wouldn't be a whole hell of a lot he could do about it, its not like he would be able to fight him off or even get anyone to believe him. It was the combination of sensory overload, the beer, stress and anxiety that led to what happened next and left Edward debating just how good of a guy he was willing to be.

EPOV

I was doing my damndest working him over, and after I slipped a finger into him up to the first knuckle, he should have come like a rocket going off, but there was nothing, and in fact he had gotten mighty damn quiet and still. What the hell, he was even going soft! Ohh shit, I broke him! I looked up from what I was doing and I saw that he was doing a pretty damn good imitation of an unconscious fella. Ill be damned I thought to myself, he's fucking out cold. I looked in the carton of beers and realized that he had been working them over pretty steadily, so he was assed out drunk. That's right, I had a gorgeous, mostly naked, virgin, passed out mid act in the bed of my truck. This was one of those situations where the angel and the devil on my shoulder are in a full-fledged knock down drag out to the death brawl, and its damn sure a close deal. I am still hard as a rock, he is very much out cold. I tried to wake him up, calling his name, slapping his face, nada…zip, he was out. I packed up the beer and the rest of the stuff into the cab of the truck and as I was debating what to do, I decided to get a good look at him with my minimag light that I carried in my glove box, where I happened to have some lube, and condoms.

I walked around to the bed of the truck and shone the light on him. Damn! he had a few pretty obvious scars, but he had 7 tattoos total including the one on his hip. Rolling him over I could see that the boy was damn near perfect. His ass was round and smooth and I couldn't help but to run my hand over it. I drug him to the end of the truck so I could figure out what to do with him. He whimpered softly as he laid there, and I thought for a minute he might be coming around, but he just muttered under his breath. His damn jeans were all the way down to his boot tops and I could not resist just looking at him and contemplating gagging and securing my good angel in the glove box for 10 minutes for so while I had my way with him. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Jasper, I really want to fuck you, is that okay?" He didn't answer and I ran my finger down his back to the cleft in his buttocks, to see if he even twitched, but he was out. Dammit. Yeah, I had thought about letting the bastard side of me win for about 2 minutes, but then I thought about the sum total of the boy and that tattoo, and I knew I had to do this right. I reached down and hoisted his jeans up and then rolled him over so I could get his shirt back on him. Have you ever tried to dress a boneless chicken? that's kinda what its like dressing unconscious Jasper. Luckily hes a small fella and I just scooped him up and put him in the back seat of the truck on his side and fastened him in so he didn't go falling into the floorboard before I could get him home. I went through his pants and found his keys so I could get him in his place, though God knows I wasn't looking forward to meeting McCarty under these circumstances.

EMpov

He knew he was fighting a losing battle trying to stay awake, Hell, Jasper probably would want him to be asleep when he came home if anything had gone on, but dammit he felt like he had a right and an obligation to be worried about his combat buddy. Jasper had saved his life, and he was damned if he was going to let anything happen to him that was going to put him at risk for being hurt. He laid there in the dark, waiting to hear the familiar scuff of Jaspers raggedy assed cowboy boots to come up the sidewalk. He didn't know why Jas wore those damn things other than they gave him an inch or two of height. They were worn out on the sides from Jaspers odd bow-legged walking style, and he refused to get them resoled, or even polished, he just wore them looking like they had come off the range, and for all Emmet knew they may have, Jasper had them in his gear when they met, and he knew there was some kind of story behind them, but he figured that was yet another story that Jasper would tell him when he was ready. It was going on 0300 when he heard the sound of a big truck pulling into the parking lot outside their building, and as he laid there listening, he heard first one door open and then a couple of minutes later another door open and close on the truck. Emmet expected to hear Jaspers boots coming up the stairs, but he heard the step of a much larger man, and he was instantly on his feet when he heard a key in the lock and muttering as the deadbolt stopped the person from opening the door. He grabbed the door and flipped the latch, jerking the door open and to his surprise revealing a stunned Captain Cullen standing there with his unconscious brother thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

EPOV

I was going to be killed right on Jaspers front door. Emmett was going to kill me right there before I even got to say anything. He grabbed ahold of Jaspers limp body and cradled him to his chest like a little kid and he glared at me like I had killed his puppy. "What the fuck did you do to him?" He laid Jasper down on his side, after giving him a quick once over and then he stood up and advanced on me before I could even get back out the door. "Answer me GodDammit!" I started talking fast, "Nothing, I did nothing to him, he had too much to drink and he passed out so I brought him home." Emmett glared at me from under his eyebrows, " You didn't fuck him did you?" Holy Jesus! I was damn sure glad I didn't because I would be getting killed right about then I was damn sure, "NO!, He had too much to drink and he passed out, I didn't fuck him." Emmet stepped to the side and pointed where Jasper lay on his back, "The can you explain why his pants are undone and his shirt is on inside out?" Oh. fuck. I knew I had to shoot straight with McCarty, those two were like brothers and if I wanted to walk out of that place with my head still on my shoulders, I had to get Emmett on my side, so I fessed up., "Look Emmett, we were fooling around, it must have been a combination of sensory overload and too much booze, but next thing I know he is assed out and I am dealing with a party of one. I didn't take advantage of him. I like the kid and I want to do it right, so I dressed him as best I could and I brought him home. What do you say we get him comfortable and on his side so if he pukes he wont choke on it, and we will talk, you find some towels and I will get him undressed." Emmett looked at me like he was still not quite sure about things, but he went and grabbed a couple of towels and a small trash can out of the kitchen as I sat Jasper up and pulled off his inside out shirt. Emmett pulled off his boots and set them off to the side as I undid his jeans and worked them down past his hips and off. Emmett looked about as uncomfortable as any straight guy could look, seeing his buddy being stripped by a guy he knew wanted to put it to him, but I snapped him out of it by asking, "Dude, does he have any sleep pants or chones or does he always fly free?" Emmett rooted around in a duffel over in the corner of the room, and pulled out a pair of giant boxer briefs that we managed to get onto Jasper before I rolled him back onto his side and blocked him up with a couple of blankets so he couldn't end up flat on his back again. He never even whimpered as we rolled him all over changing him out and tucking him into his bedroll, and I knew that he had to have just been totally out of it, so I had Emmett get him a bottle of water to put next to his head so he would have some hydration when he woke up, and then I knew I had to go deal with poppa bear before I could make my escape before the sun came up. I couldn't resist taking a look at Jasper one last time after I stood up, asleep with his face all relaxed, he looked so damn young that I about felt like a pervert, but the tattoos and scars helped to ease that feeling just a little bit, but damn! he looked so young and innocent, it almost broke my heart to think I was considering taking advantage of him…almost.

I followed McCarty out onto the back porch so we could have our little chat in private without waking up Jasper, and where we would be sure to keep our voices down, because neither one of us wanted a hassle with city P.D. He bummed a smoke off of me as we shut the door to the small porch behind us and he leaned on the railing, looking out over the parking lot. "I want you to understand something sir, that man in there is not just my best friend, he is my brother. He saved my life. I owe him, I would kill for him, I would die for him. He is one of the few truly honest and pure-hearted souls I have ever met. He doesn't have an agenda. He doesn't want anything from you except to be with you and for once in his life to be loved. In all the years I have known him he has never once put himself out there, never once dated or even considered trying to find someone because he has never felt good enough or deserving of love for some fucked up reason. If you fuck him over, if you hurt him, I wont give a damn about anything, I will burn down your Goddamned world, do I make myself clear, sir?" I didn't know what to say to that, I hadn't really considered the depth of McCartys feelings for the boy and I was frankly stunned. Pretty much all I could do was stand there and look at him as I weighed the implications of all of the things he said. If I cut bait and run, then I would be in the clear but I would still be alone and I would never know just how sweet that boy was. If I stuck around and we made a go of it and things went sideways, then I was going to get eaten by a grizzly. I decided to try and reassure McCarty that I was going to treat his little buddy right.

EMPOV

Emmett knew he was probably being given a line of BS by the Capt. but all he could do was tell Jasper his worries in the morning and try to be there to protect him as best he could as thing went along if the Capt wasn't going to step off and leave Jasper alone. He made sure the Capt heard him though, and he fully intended to do his best to keep an eye on things, and if worst came to worst, he would be there to pick up the pieces when it all went wrong, no matter what the cost. "Listen Capt. Jasper is the real deal. He is not a player, he is as loyal as an old hound dog, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. The only things he has in the world are that ratty old truck, those raggedy assed boots, and that battered old guitar. All of those things he could replace a hundred times over, but hes not like that. He takes care of things and he sees the value in taking care the things he cares about. He is a true and good friend, and he will be a good uh…boyfriend or whatever you guys call it, but please don't hurt him, if you are just wanting a piece of ass, you could get that anywhere." The plea was as heartfelt and as honest as any plea could be, and Emmett hoped he was being heard, but he wasn't holding his breath, the Capt was giving him an appraising look and not saying much, so he was either considering what he was being told or plotting a way to get rid of him.

EPOV

Well hell, it was close to 0400 and and I had to get the hell out of Dodge before the light of day caught my ass in town and where it didn't belong, so I thanked McCarty for not eating me as I carried Jasper through the door, and I told him I had to hit the rack before it got much later. I stopped in the living room on my way through to the front door and checked on the boy one more time to make sure he hadn't shifted over. The first rays of morning sunlight were starting to come through the blinds hanging in the main window, and his face was softly lit giving it an even more beautiful cast that I had noticed before. I couldn't help it, I had to, even with McCarty walking into the room, I got down on my knees and I leaned forward and I pressed a gentle kiss to those soft lips before I left, taking his t-shirt with me.


	9. Chapter 9

The impact of a boot striking him in the back was what brought Jasper back to the land of the living just before noon. Emmett had learned after getting his nose broken, that it was not wise to be close to Jasper when waking him up out of a sound sleep. "Dude, rise and shine, the delivery guys are about 15 minutes out so you better get a shower and get some clothes on unless you want them to just dump the stuff off on you." Jasper looked around confusedly, blinking and rubbing his eyes, " What the hell happened?" Emmett grimaced and brought him a cup of coffee and helped him to his very unsteady feet, "Dude, what the fuck am I doing in a pair of your underwear!" Jasper gripped the waist band of the boxer briefs to keep them from hitting the floor and leaned against the breakfast bar as the hangover hit him. "Well, you got brought home last night, unconscious, with your shirt on inside out, and your pants half off with no underwear of your own. I wasn't sure where yours were, so I just grabbed a pair of mine so we could get you covered up and tucked in." Jasper looked horrified, "We? Who brought me home?" Emmet looked at him and shook his head, "Oh dude, you don't even remember going out?, Dayumm he must have made a hell of an impression on you then. I am sure Captain Cullen will be thrilled to know he made such a lasting mark." With those words Emmett got the reaction he was going for, Jasper lunged forward and vomited in the trash can.

EMPOV

Emmet knew Jasper was going to be a wreck and all he could do was keep him from puking on the floor, help him keep his underwear up until he was done heaving and then get him into the shower once he was ready to move. Jasper emptied the contents of his guts into the trash can and tried to lay back down on the floor in a disconsolate heap, but Emmett was having none of it. "Come on man, its not as bad as you think. Lets get you in the shower and cleaned up and I will tell you what happened as you are cleaning up." He carried Jasper into his bathroom and set him on the toilet like a sulky child as he adjusted the temperature of the water. Jasper just stared at the wall, limp and shocked at what had possibly happened to him. Emmett left him for a moment while he scrounged a couple of towels and some soap. He then came back and pulled Jasper to his feet and shoved the shower curtain back. "Jas, man, are you with me? C'mon man, you need to get a shower and get cleaned up. I saw enough of your junk last night, but if you need help I will help you, though I aint washing your stuff." Jasper looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time, "Did he?", "He said he didn't man, he said you guys were messing around a little and you passed out before anything happened. I, uh. .kinda took a look, and uh…well, it uh, looked all secure." Emmetts face was as blood red as Jasper had ever seen it, and the discomfort of the moment was amplified by the fact that they were both sitting in the bathroom with Jasper mostly naked talking about whether or not he had been violated, less than 12 hours after Jasper had figured out he was in fact gay. 'Okay, Dude! We have delivery guys fixing to be here and I don't to be dealing with them wandering in and you naked, so are you okay to shower while I get some food going?" Jasper stood up and let Emmetts boxers fall as he stepped into the shower, "Yeah man, Im good, can you get me another cup of coffee and my jeans?" Emmett groaned and hustled out of the bathroom, 'Duude, you could have at least let me make it out the damn door before you scarred me even more, I swear to God I know you better than I ever wanted to." Emmett didn't know what traumatized him more, seeing Jaspers junk in full glory again or what was clearly a hickey on Jaspers hip next to his dick.

Jpov

The hot water of the shower helped to wake him up and clear the remaining cobwebs out of his skull. Before he stepped fully underneath the water, he ran his hands over his body and into his private areas to see if there was any evidence that things had gone further, but to his relief all was well. He washed quickly threw his jeans on and wandered into the kitchen prepared to take the ribbing he knew was coming from Emmett. "Dude, where is my shirt?" Emmett laughed, "Oh man you mean that weird band shirt you had on last night? yeah, well, Cullen snagged it as he was leaving." Jasper was momentarily speechless he could not imagine why the Capt would take his shirt, it wouldn't come close to fitting him, and few people had heard of the band that was a bit on the quirky side. Emmett broke is reverie, "Man, he wanted a souvenir or an excuse to call you again, don't worry about it, I think he is totally into you, but please, be careful. Im not sure what his intentions are, but I know he's ambitious and probably not really worried about what happens to people around him, and I don't want you getting hurt." Jasper appreciated Emmetts concern, but he was a big boy, he just obviously needed to be a little more careful about how much he drank.

The delivery guys arrived with all the furnishings and the day was spent getting the apartment setup and picking up the incidentals that they hadn't realized they needed such as more groceries and towels. By the end of the day they had a nice bachelor apartment set up, complete with entertainment unit that had all the tech features that would make any tech geek hard. Jasper checked his cell from time to time during the day, hoping for a call or a text from Edward, but nothing came through. He was restless and wondered if maybe he had screwed up his one chance.

EPOV

I went home and crawled into the rack and died until mid-afternoon and my damn dog insisted that I get up and feed his rotten ass. My sleep had been restless and I couldn't get the image of Whitlock out of my mind. He was the ultimate in forbidden fruit and I was so torn about what to do about him, so after I pulled my jeans on and tended my critters, I decided to crawl back into bed with my bottle of Jack and do nothing but yank it to thoughts of him. I don't know why I swiped his t-shirt other than it smelled like him and it gave me an excuse to see him again. I had no idea what the shirt was about, but it was in my bed with me, it smelled like him and for a time it made me happy. Crawling out of bed the next morning to go to work was not the easiest thing I had faced. I had a hang over and it was budget time, so it meant endless meetings with bureaucrats who had no clue what the hell we did on a daily basis, and long nights of crunching numbers so we could justify asking for more bodies and cars and equipment in a way that made sense to the same idiots that wanted to take away the ones we already had. I wouldn't have time or energy to try to see Whitlock for at least the next few weeks, and then he would be at the academy orientation, when he would see a side of me that I was not sure he was prepared for unless I could manage to pull a spare moment out of my ass to see him.

JPOV

The weeks crawled by without so much as a text from Cullen and Jasper despaired that he had lost his chance. He threw himself into preparing for the academy with Emmett, working on physical training, running over 10 miles a day and spending long, grueling hours in the gym, pushing themselves to go further and achieve more than they had ever reached. Jaspers body became hard and covered in muscles, and as his hair grew out from its standard Marine buzz cut, the curls became more pronounced. He grew a light beard and mustache to make himself appear older. They spent afternoons on the academy grounds working on going over the 6ft test walls, which was surprisingly easy for Jasper, but a bit of a challenge for the heavier and bigger Emmett. It was there that the Capt next saw Jasper from the window of the directors office.

EPOV

I had to go out to the directors office to pick up the rosters for the start of the academy as well as drop off the departments final sponsored cadets list, both Whitlock and McCarty had made the cut and I was pleased to see them out on the athletic field practicing on the wall. Whitlock virtually sailed over the wall, moving like a cat, and I could see that he looked like he had gotten bigger, and his hair was longer, and fuck me…I could see another tattoo. Stepping back from the window before they saw me, I saw the director smirking at me, " Those two are yours, huh?" I nodded at him, "Yeah, Whitlock the pretty boy and McCarty his buddy." The director grunted at me, "The are out there every damn day either working over the damn walls or just flat working out. Whitlock is a running son of a bitch and he motivates McCarty. I have to wonder if there is something between those two more than just, buddies" I was momentarily speechless but then I chuckled, "Nah, McCarty has it bad for Rosalie and he's been trying to court her by sending her flowers and chocolates and teddy bears and shit. Last week he brought her flowers and she came out to get them, took the scissors off the desk, cut the tops off of all of them and then walked back into her office." The director laughed, "So did he give up?" I shook my head, "No, the stupid fucker said, "So I guess that means I shouldn't pick you up at 8? and be damned if she didn't step out of her office, glare at him and say, "Make it 7:30 and if you are even one minute late I will kick your ass." The directors eye about popped out of his head, "No fucking way! He got the ice queen to melt? Wow… I am in awe of the man who would be willing to try and hit that." I told him that I didn't know the end results, but that Rosalie had been smiling a little more around the office and less likely to make people who wandered into her lair cry, so I figured something good was going on and we all owed McCarty a favor for taming that shrew and making all of our lives a little better. "So what about pretty boy? What is your pet project been up to? I looked a the director with my toughest glare, "I couldn't tell you, I don't have the fucker on a leash, but he hasn't been in any trouble other than if he thinks that scruff and that hair is gonna fly in on my squad, he is in for a rude awakening." The director laughed and shook his head at me, "Down boy, you will get your chance to educate him come Friday, but bear in mind, that poor kid is probably going to be catching more than his fair share of hell from the rest of the recruits, I have met most of them and he is a mouse walking into a lions den." That's what I was afraid of, but I wasn't going to tell the director that. I was going to make sure my boy was as squared away as he could be in time for Friday orientation so gunny and the rest of the goon squad had not excuses to bring any more heat down on him than he was already gonna be facing.

JPOV

When his pager went off on Wednesday night, Jasper thought it had to be a wrong number. It had been 5 weeks since his disastrous date with Captain Cullen and he had given up on anything coming of it, but there were the numbers followed by P-11. Jaspers hands shook as he called the number back and he fought to keep the quiver out of his voice when Edward answered, "Hey Jasper, how are you? Jasper wasn't quite sure what to say, he was a lot of things, confused, hurt, angry, hopeful, nervous, but the only thing he could say was, 'Good, How are you?" Cullen chuckled and hesitated before he spoke again, but then he said, "Look, you may never want to see me again and I totally understand, but I have really good reasons for not calling you these past few weeks, and I am really sorry, and I would really like to make it up to you, could I come get you and we go somewhere and talk?" Jaspers heart went into hyper drive, Emmet was out with Rosalie and most likely wouldn't be home until morning if at all, and Jasper was tired of being alone, so he quickly said, "Yeah, or you could just come here, Emmet is out until morning." The Capt chuckled, that sounds good, ill be there in about 15." Jasper hung up the phone and flew to the shower, He threw on his most comfortable pair of low slung jeans and a t-shirt that was so worn and faded that is was almost see thru, with no shoes he roughly toweled his hair to get the worst of the water out of it and then finger combed it back out of his face as he walked into the kitchen to see if Emmet had left any soda or tea in the fridge,(since the date he had quit drinking), and luckily he found most of a 6pack hidden in the back just as a knock came at the door.

Edward was just as breathtaking as he remembered, and he was momentarily frozen in front of him after he opened the door. He wasn't expecting to see him carrying flowers and dressed in a black jeans and a black banded collar western shirt and wearing a cowboy hat. Jasper muttered , "fuuuuck me" under his breath as Edward walked in, and Edward smiled to himself thinking that he would love to do nothing more than that.

EPOV

Yeah, I was sucking up, big time. I had to . I hadn't called the guy or even texted him for close to 5 weeks, in fact I had pretty much blown him off. It was partially due to my crazy assed schedule, and partially a test. I wanted to see if he was going to be able to handle the reality of our situation without flipping out and getting all clingy and constantly calling or texting me. I did not need some dude going all, "Fatal Attraction" on my ass, and though he didn't seem like the type, I had to be sure, and he passed with flying colors.

He looked so damn good when he opened that door it was all I could do to not just jump him right there in the doorway, but I knew that was not the way to do things, I was going to take it slow and savor things. I handed him the flowers and walked over to the couch and sat down, waiting to see where he decided to sit. He looked so damn good in those jeans and yet another shirt with a fucking monkey on it, I was once again reminded that he was more than a full decade younger than me, and looked closer to two younger but I frankly didn't give a damn at that point. He offered me a drink, and I took a beer, but I noticed he was having a soda and I grinned at him. He fucking blushed and tells me he quit drinking! I wasn't sure if I was pleased or not. I explained to him about the budget process and all the hassles that I had been dealing with at work and my bullshit reasons for not contacting him, and he said "it wasn't a problem." When he reached over and touched my hand and thanked me for bringing him home and apologized to ME for his passing out drunk, I about fell off the damn couch. I decided to see if he was up for finishing what we started that night so I pulled him over to me and kissed him so that he knew he was being kissed.

JPOV

Jasper was virtually quivering in anticipation after they sat on the couch. He was somewhat angry with himself for forgiving Edward so easily, after all, how fucking hard was it to send one damn text message or even an email, but then again those were all department property and maybe he was worried about generating a record of their contact? It was 2 days before the start of the academy, he had nothing to do for the 48 hours except sit and stew and prepare for the Friday evening orientation session, he had already picked up his gear from the department, there were no books to buy because the Academy issued everything, so basically all he was doing was playing his guitar and working a couple of songs he had been writing, so truthfully Jasper was bored, lonely and more than a little horny, Captain Cullen coming over was perhaps the solution to the itch that needed scratching and he seemed more than willing to help him out with that, so Jasper wasn't going to play the callow youth, he was going to take a little initiative and see where things went.

EPOV

I was flat stunned when as I was kissing him, I felt him push up against me and the next thing I know he is pushing ME down on the couch and showing me a side of him that I never would have thought lurked beneath. I smiled as he got a little forceful pulling my shirt open, "Damn boy! you trying to tell me something?" He sat back on his heels and looked at me with kinda wild eyes and said, " Did I do something wrong? Should I stop?" I damn sure didn't want him to stop, but I didn't want things to go too far in the middle of their new couch in the living room, and I told him so. He hopped up and grabbed my hand and practically dragged me down the hall to his room and I gotta say I was impressed by the way he had it set up, nice big bed, but understated and manly, none of that fru fru sissy shit that some tend to have. He had a nice damn sound system and he kicked it on and some blusey sounding rock started playing from all around, but not obnoxiously loud. The only decorations he had up were of a couple framed concert posters with what looked to be autographs or scribbles on them, and of course fucking monkeys all over them,(I always ment to ask about that), and a big metal Texas star over the head of his bed. I noticed a pair of rape preventers on his bedside table and I could not resist, "Whitlock, do you wear glasses?" He looked like a deer caught in headlights as he saw them in my hand and he visibly gulped. "Uh, just for reading and close work." I held them up, "Put em on, I want to see." He cringed for a moment but then took them and put them on and I was struck by just how good he looked. Those damn glasses usually make even the toughest of men look like total assholes, but he made them look good and I told him so. "Yeah, well you don't have to blow smoke up my ass, you are already in my bedroom so you don't have to lie." Whoa! where the hell did that come from? Did he really not know how appealing he was? I grabbed his hands as he took the glasses off and I made sure I had his attention, "I am not bull-shitting you, I meant that, so learn to take a compliment dammit!" He apologized and started running his hands up my chest again and the next thing I knew he was shoving me backwards onto his bed, so I decided to just go with it and see how far he was going to go with things before he figured out he was in over his head with a shark in the water.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N **Yeah, Im Actually doing an authors note, Amazing huh? Okay, Here is where things get a bit more uh...graphic? Meaning there is sex in the next few chapters. My boys may not be what you are used to, and some of you have been pretty ticked off at Edward. I warned ya'll that he is not your typical Edward. There will be no,"Baby" or sweet nothings coming from him, these are men, not chicks with peckers, and as such, they act like men, so I am warning you that you might get pissed off. Someone wrote me and complained that they faced a "wall of text" when they were reading my story, but they didnt explain what the hell they meant. Are you whining that I write too much, should I double space or what? You gotta clarify. I did go back through and double space because hell, im old and not an expert at all this crap, so I went with maybe it was just to close together. **

** Okay, next. I respond to all reviews ...IF you leave a way for me to do it. I am a bit of an obsessive compulsive and I actually enjoy talking to some of you, so if you leave me a way to respond, I will get back to you. Dont be a puss, if you have a gripe, tell me and lets have a palaver about it. I wont bite you. If I dont respond to you, its because FFN is eating reviews AGAIN. **

**Next order of business, I am writing an outtake of my other fic, "Up Against The Wall And Spread Em" for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence project, yall should check out the project, its for a great cause and over 100 authors are signed up to contribute. If you have any questions, hit me up on the twitter at calamityme99 and lets chat.**

**These are Meyers boys in name only.**

Jaspers hormones were in overdrive and he was feeling the effects of all the physical conditioning he had been doing that had packed 20lbs of muscle on him, and given him endurance that he didn't

know what to do with on top of a sex drive that had woken up and was raging at him every damn morning for the past almost month an a half with nothing to take care of it but Jaspers own right hand.

Emmett had been complaining that Jaspers extended hot showers were draining the tank and delaying his start of the day as well as single-handedly contributing to global warming, so Jasper was

eager to blow of some steam with Captain Cullen, he just wasn't quite sure of who was doing what. He had remembered little bits of the night he had passed out, and he knew that he had woken up

with a hickey next to his dick, so he knew Cullen had probably attempted to suck his dick, and he wanted a repeat of that for damn sure. He had bought some supplies that he had read about as being

important, such as condoms and lube, so there was nothing holding anything back except where they were willing to take things and right then he wanted it all as far as he knew. He pushed Edward

back onto the bed and straddled his groin, looking down in the soft light of the bedside lamp at Edwards chest, running his hands over the ridges of muscles and through the light dusting of chest hair

that made a trail down the middle towards his belt buckle. Edward looked at Jasper and said, "You have too many clothes on" as he grabbed the hem of Jaspers t-shirt and pulled it up. As Jasper

leaned down to let Edward pull it over his head, Edward used that change in position to buck Jasper off to the side and he quickly assumed the dominant position over him as Jasper fought to get his

shirt the rest of the way over his head and off Edward laughed and began kissing along his flank and up the side of his chest, making Jasper squirm half in pleasure, half in an attempt to evade being

tickled. Edward laid fully on him, pressing him into the bed, letting him feel that he was in fact at the mercy of Edward so Jasper stopped squirming and looked at Edward in anticipation, "You 've got me,

so now what are you going to do with me?" Edward laughed, "Well, first off you are going to show me all your tattoos and tell me what the hell they mean, and after you do that we will see where

things take us, start with that new one, that raggedy assed feather and go from there."

EPOV

No, I wasn't stalling. I really wanted to know, that is why I asked about the damn things and I never expected him to tell me that I had to earn the right to know the stories behind them! Damn! I was

pretty pleased to find out that they were all his own design and that they all did really mean something, and each one on him represented a person or a part of his life that had changed him, I mean,

damn! that shit was deep and the feather was a combination of several major events in his life, including coming to terms with the loss of someone really important to him that he didn't want to talk

about because it was a, "Conversation for another day when we weren't so new to each other." One of is other tattoos represented his home was where his boots lead him and where his guitar was,

that was something I could relate to so damn well that I couldn't even speak after he got done telling me about it, I had been through the same thing with my own blood and I knew that kind of shit left

a mark, even decades later with all my success, I still felt like a failure in their eyes and that I was never going to be good enough, so I had just quit trying and cut them out of my life like a bad hunk of

meat. When he finished telling me all he was going to tell me about his tattoos, he looked at me like he was a kid waiting for the recess bell to ring so I pushed him down and I started kissing him like

his life depended on it. He was waay more free with his hands than he had been last time and I decided I liked sober Jasper much better than drunk Jasper, because he had my shirt off and was pulling

me up against him with a strength that was pretty damn surprising. I had to smile when I felt him nudging my head down towards his crotch, seems that the boy remembered getting his dick sucked

and maybe wanted a repeat? I figured it was the least I could do for him considering I had left him hanging for so damn long, but I was going to put the fear of the Capt into him just a little bit to see

how he reacted.

JPOV

Jasper was already hard as a rock as Edward slid back off of him and off the side of his bed. He was about ready to scream in frustration, but when Edward reached up and unbuttoned Jaspers jeans

and pulled them off of him, he sighed in relief and allowed his head to fall back onto the pillows, as his legs quivered in anticipation of what was coming next. He felt Edward trail his fingers up the inside

of his leg to his balls and he whimpered as his body twitched and broke out in goose bumps, he didn't resist as Edward gently bent his knees out and to the side as he started kissing the insides of is

thighs and tonguing his balls he was so enraptured with the feel of the hand running up and down his chest and teasing up and down his length. He didn't hear Edward unfasten his own jeans and kick

off his boots, and caught up in the feeling of Edwards tongue tracing a path from his naval to his balls and around, he didn't pay any attention when Edwards weight shifted to fully back up on the bed

and between Jaspers spread legs.

EPOV

Oh my lord was he beautiful, just laying there and ripe for the picking, I could so very easily just slide right up into him and live with no problem. He was heavier and more muscled than I remembered

from the last time, but he was still lean and perfect and just as vocal. I knew it was kinda dirty pool getting totally skin to wind and in such a dominant position when he wasn't expecting it, but I

wanted to see how he was going to react. I had never been a catcher and I wasn't sure how I felt about starting , and everything about the boy said that he would be a perfect bottom, but that little

bit of aggression he showed me when I came in had me thinking that he might need to be shown who the boss was in the situation, even if I made it feel good while I was going it. I reached put his

knees over my elbows so he wouldn't be able to scoot away to quickly and I lifted his hips ever so gently as I blew softy on him, keeping him distracted as I got into position. As I stroked his flanks I

gently nudged him to see if it even registered with him, and at first it didn't, but when I nudged just a little harder at the point of entry, his eyes shot open and once he took in the predicament he was

in, he kinda reminded me of a picture that one of the secretaries had of a cat that was all puffed out with claws all out and eyes huge looking like it was fixing to be eaten. "Wha!" That was the only

sound he made as he looked at me. I just grinned down at him and told him to relax. I wasn't going to do anything to him he didn't want me to do, but I didn't let him loose either. I bent down and

licked from the base of his perfect dick to the top and when I reached the top I teased the slit with my tongue until he started moaning and grabbing the blanket underneath. I continued teasing the

head of his dick, off and on deep throating him just to break things up and build up the tension. I gently rubbed up and down the crack of his ass with my dick, teasing his entrance off and on and

before too long he was moaning and whining like he didn't know if he was coming or going and I knew I could take him if I wanted to, but I wasn't going to, because I didn't want to suddenly spring

that on him. I let his legs down and crept up his body, kissing as I went and I slid up next to him so I had him in my arms with his back to me and his nice tight ass right up against my dick, and

everything I wanted within reach.

JPOV

Jaspers heart was in his throat when he realized the position he was in. He could very easily end up hurt in more ways than one if Edward decided to just take what he obviously wanted. Jasper knew

that if the relationship continued that one of them was going to end up being on the receiving end of things, and he wasn't sure how he felt about being the one in that position, but he didn't want to

find out by force. He was relived when Edward backed off and returned to other endeavors, but when he slid up beside him and began working himself back and forth between Jaspers buttocks while

gently working Jaspers dick and nibbling on his neck and ear, Jasper found himself arching his back and moaning as if he were in the sweetest kind of pain, and in a way he was. He turned his head so

he could capture Edwards lips and he kissed him with a hungry and passionate kiss as he arched his back more towards Edward. He reached back and placed a hand on Edwards hip, pulling him tighter

against his back. Edward shifted his position until he was on his back and he pulled Jasper on top of him, " Tell me what you want Jasper, I am here for you, and we are going at your speed." Jasper

was in overload at that point and all he could say is," I want you, I want you soo damn bad it hurts." Edward seemed to contemplate this for a moment and then he leaned up and kissed Jasper, and

said, "Well then I guess I should let you have me, do you have any lube and protection?" Jasper gaped at him, and squeaked out, "Drawer next to your head." Edward opened the drawer and pulled

out the supplies and laid them next to them on the bed as he pulled Jasper down next to him and kissed him deeply again. "We are going to take this damn slow, and understand it's a give and take

kinda thing, I am no bottom, but I want to show you both sides of things and let you experience as much as you want to try." Jaspers heart was racing out of his chest and his entire body was shaking

to the point it was hard for him to stay up on his arms, he kissed Edward again and started working his way down Edwards chest, intent on at least attempting to give him head, but Edwards tugged

him back up chest to chest with him and they continued kissing as Edward ran his hands over Jaspers body and encouraged Jasper to touch him. Jasper traced his hand down Edwards chest to his

navel and slowly went below, finding a mole that was lined up almost 3 fingers below Edwards navel, and right at the top of his dick. Jasper softly traced a finger around the head of Edwards dick,

eliciting a low moan and deeper kiss from Edward, so Jasper decided to be a little more demonstrative and he reached down and took gentle hold of Edwards dick and gently pumped it a couple of times

as Edward ran his hand over Jaspers hips and between his legs. Jasper felt Edward shift on the bed again and he heard the cap on the bottle of lube snap open and he paused in anticipation, waiting

to find out what was going to happen next. He was surprised when he felt Edwards hand join his and a coating of lube was added to not only Jaspers hands, but to the Edwards butt as well. Jasper

leaned up and kissed Edwards chest and slowly got on his knees between Edwards legs as he continued to slowly and gently pump Edwards dick. He heard Edward fumbling with the condom wrapper

and he stilled so Edward could roll it on him. The feeling of that alone was almost enough to make him come and he shook like a newborn colt as Edward pulled him down into a kiss and to whisper in

his ear, "Slow, and easy, is how this is going to work, so take a deep breath and slow your roll there for a minute. How do you want me, on my back, on my knees or on my side?" Jaspers mind was

working a mile a minute as he thought about all the images he had seen when he started investigating the mechanics of things online, and though face to face seemed the most intimate, it also looked

like the most difficult for a beginner, so he went with having Edward on his elbows and knees in front of him, He knelt there, running his hands over Edwards hips until Edward reached back and took

his hand and pulled him forward.

EPOV

I don't know what the hell I was thinking deciding to let him top me, but I just felt that it was important to start him off feeling that he had some power in things and I figured that letting him try this

would be the best way to give him that feeling before I let him know who really was the boss in the situation. He was so damn nervous and shaky it was almost funny, but considering my ass was on

the line, literally, I knew I was going to have to control things pretty closely if I wanted to be able to sit down for the next week. Luckily for me the boy had bought the type of lube that had a mild

numbing agent in it. Ill tell you what, those fellas that tend to point and shoot pretty quickly that came up with products like, "Maintain" and the like, have done us worlds of good when it comes to

easing the initial burn of bottoming. I had made sure we were both lubed up and I got into the position he chose, which I had half expected being that he had never done things before. I fully intended

to show him the errors of his ways when it came to my turn though, because while the old stand by of, "doggy style" might be easier to achieve it doesn't provide all the access that face to face does,

or the angles. He knelt there so damn long I began to wonder what the hell he was doing, but then I realized he had stage fright and I was going to have to take things in hand.

JPOV

Jasper knew the moment was nigh, and as he leaned forward over Edwards back, he rubbed the head of his dick up and down the cleft of Edwards perfect ass. He knew not to rush things, and with the

lube he had bought numbing his dick just enough, he hoped he would last long enough to get all the way inside, but he was shaking so hard and so excited, he wasn't sure the rest of his body would

cooperate. Edward reaching back and taking his Jaspers dick in his hand dismayed him for a minute, but when he realized he was guiding him to the entrance, he breathed a sigh of relief, if Edward was

ready, he was ready so he started slowly pushing forward into Edward.

Epov

Holy Hell! Dammit! it stung even with the numbing gel, and I grunted at him to slow down after it felt like he slammed the head of his dick in, in one fell swoop. He froze for a minute, his damn legs

shaking so hard I was afraid he was going to pop back out, so I reached back and steadied him and reminded him, "Slowly", as he began pushing forward again. He was panting so hard I figured he

was going to come before he managed to get all the way in, but then the boy surprised me by pulling back a bit and then nudging forward even more, that made me pant because even with the burn,

that shit felt good! He started doing that pretty steadily and the next thing I know he was laid up over my back and balls deep in me and I was whining like a bitch because it felt so damn goood! He

laid there a minute, collecting himself, and I could feel his heart just pounding away almost as fast as mine was, and then he raised up and nipped the me on the shoulder blade and asked, "Are you

okay? I want to try and move." I told him I was more than okay, that he could have at it, and the next thing I knew he drew back and slammed into me like a freight train! I felt it all the way from my

toes to my ears and I let out a yell of pleasure that I am sure his neighbors had to have heard as the boy got down to business. He had a death grip around my waist and the boy was grunting and

growling in a deep, guttural way that just made goose bumps raise up all over me and made me reconsider my thoughts about him being a natural bottom, he may have been short and shy to most of

the world but once the beast was freed in bed, he was something else. I felt him starting to lose his rhythm and his grunts were becoming more and more guttural and I knew he was getting close. I

had no intention of coming outside of him, so I fought off the sensations I was getting, but damn the boy was hitting the sweet spot and I have to admit it was hard to resist. He bucked into me

raggedly a few more times and let out a growl that would have had "Duke" running for the hills and I felt him erupting into the condom for what seemed like forever and as he collapsed onto my back, I

made sure to reach back and catch a hold of things to keep the condom on him so he didn't make a mess of things in the bed. I slid him off to the side and 1`got up to go take care of the used condom

as well as get a towel to clean up with a bit. I knew I was going to be feeling a little rough the next day, but I was wanting to get back to the task at hand and show him just what I was feeling.

JPOV

Nothing in Jaspers life could have prepared him for how wonderful it felt to lose himself in Edward. He fought hard to maintain some control, but when Edward gave him the, "Go ahead" he just lost it

and let the beast within himself take over losing himself within the sensations. He was shocked at the primal growls and grunts that came out of him, but to try and stifle them felt wrong and he was

tired of feeling wrong, so even if Edward laughed at him later, he was going to just let go and feel what he was feeling. The tightness felt like it was coming from all over the place as he knew he was

getting ready to come. The sensation was almost euphoric as he came and he couldn't even keep his eyes from rolling back in his head as he collapsed onto Edwards back, limp and sweaty and drained

of all ability to even think or move. He felt Edward take a hold of the condom and handle that end of things and he was grateful as he rolled onto his back with thoughts of nothing more than going to

sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Yeah-Technical Difficulties have run rampant in my posting of this lately. I am not the most proficient and in case you haven't noticed, I do not have a BETA or anybody else coaching me. This is all me and all my screw ups. Im to blame for anything that doesnt make sense, so if you got a problem with it, hollar at 1 on the twitter**_

_**A/N OKAY...Serious Authors Note. I have warned you in the past, I am saying it again; You might not like this Edward. This story is a story of a man who was a bit of a bastard in many ways, but he was honest about what he was. It is also a story of redemption and that is a theme through this story. These are both consenting adults who are capable of making informed decisions about what they are doing. Let me know how you feel. I respond to reviews. Hell, I appreciate everyone that reads and favorites my little story. Thank you for taking the time to read my work.**_

_**The only thing these guys have in common with Meyers boys are some extremely common names. **_

_**There is a lemon in this chapter..**_

He thought he was going to go to sleep? Well that shit was funny. I did love how beautiful he looked all sweaty and wrung out there, laying on his back like he didn't have a care in the world, but he

had obviously forgotten that there were two of us involved in this little endeavor and I still had a situation that needed to be dealt with and I intended to deal with it even if it meant giving him a bit of a

rude awakening. I stood next to the bed looking down at him sleeping, and he was sleeping, in fact he was softly snoring. I was impressed with how much work he had put into getting into shape for

the academy. His abs were well defined into a nice six pack and though he wasn't a bulky muscle head type, he was in damn good shape and deceptively strong. I liked the longer hair on him, and as

long as he kept it off his ears and collar, I was going to let him keep it, but sadly the scruffy beard he had going was going to have to go, it was against policy for the department, though if he wanted

to keep a 'stache like mine that was more than okay, in fact I kinda liked that idea. He rolled up on his side in his sleep and just getting a look at his almost perfect ass was getting me harder than a

rock again. I didn't want to waste time hunting down a condom and the lube so I just figured what the hell and I went ahead and got one on and got ready, I was going to get mine and let him go back

to sleep, so there was no point in playing any games. I trailed my fingers down his back and up again, seeing if he reacted, and I as I slid in behind him on the bed I began to trail them along his side

and up his chest as I leaned down and began tasting his neck and ear and whispering to him, "Wake up sleepyhead ,you left something undone that needs to be taken care of." and as I rolled him over

onto his back underneath me, I could see he was very much awake when he felt my hard dick pressing up against his ass and he wasn't quite sure he liked it. "Jasper, trust me, I will go slow. I promise

you will enjoy yourself, okay?" He just looked at me all owl eyed, frozen like I was a snake about to eat him, but I wasn't going to let him slide on this one, he got his, I was getting mine, even if I had

to take a little more control from him than he would like. "Jasper, give me your hands" and as he reached up I caught his hands and grasped them, extended above his head and then I continued

kissing around his neck and ears while my free hand reached down and tweaked his nipples gently and stroked his side, " I am not going to hurt you intentionally, but it will sting a little, do yourself a

favor and breathe and relax, I will go slow just like you did" His eyes got a little big when I said that because we both knew he didn't go slow, and yeah, that was a dick move, but I never said I was a

nice guy. I figured just for controlling him and ease of his first time, it was going to be simpler to have him on his stomach, so I flipped him over onto his belly and pulled him up on his knees, keeping his

wrists in my grip so he knew I was still in control. I spread apart his knees with my knees and I got into position, but first I added a bunch more lube to him, because he was so damn slim and it looked

so tight, I just knew that if it wasn't lubed, he wasn't going to be making the Academy orientation on Friday night. I rubbed my dick up and down the crack of his ass as he moaned and whimpered,

teasingly stopping at the point of entry, but not even trying just to see him freeze like a rabbit as I went back to stroking him again. I nudged him forward until he was close enough to the headboard of

his bed that he wasn't going anywhere, and then on the next pass by, I took a dip in with the head of my dick. The reaction was immediate and dramatic, he yelped and lunged forward, striking his

head on the headboard and just about stunning himself. I could have stopped then and gotten him a bandaid for his booboo, but that would have been a waste of what I had just accomplished, the

head of my dick was in him, he was a bit out of it, so I figured, "What the hell, might as well get the rest of the way seated and get the worst of it over for him." so I did. He gasped as I pushed the rest

of the way in, and truthfully, so did I because that shit was TIGHT. I couldn't have moved without coming to save my life so I just pulled him up against me like I was cuddling him and I waited until he

relaxed a little. I kissed the top of his head where he had bashed it and rubbed his shoulders while I waited for him to give the okay. He was panting and gasping like he was in some pain, but as I

reached down and played with his dick, I also noticed he was hard as a rock, and I don't think it was because of any brain damage he got hitting his head. I decided to take some initiative and I gently

pulled back a little and eased forward again, and he moaned like he wasn't sure what to think, so I decided to keep doing that, only at a little more steady and quicker pace. He started calling for God

when I did that and I knew that if he was looking for God, then with a change of position, I could help him find him, so I pulled out of him and before he knew what was happening I had him on his back

with his knees over my elbows and this time I wasn't just nudging, I slid all the way home and he shouted out like he had damn sure found God at that point. His hands grabbed my forearms and he

had a death grip on me as I eased back out and slowly back into him but at a slightly different angle, and with that he moaned and relaxed his grip on my arms so I reached down and started stroking

his dick as I eased in and out of him, shifting angles every little bit to stroke up against his prostate. "God! Edward!, Im getting close again" he said and I was pleased to hear that, because as tight as

he was, I was getting there myself and with work to deal with tomorrow I was going to have to wrap things up and head for the house. I decided to go for broke and really put the spurs to him to finish

up, and I pulled his legs up and angled so to where I knew his sweet spot was and I made sure I was hitting it every time and before too many more strokes we were both coming apart at the seams

and I could hardly keep from collapsing on top of him as I literally saw stars from the intensity of it. God Damn! I pulled out of him and tossed the condom in the trash next to his bed. He was laying

there on his back with a , "Rode hard and put up wet" kinda look on his face so I knew I had to tend to him a little bit or he was going to be all kinds of sore the next day, so I hot footed it into his

kitchen and got a couple bottles of water out of the fridge and then I stopped off and got a damp and warm wash cloth out of his bathroom on my way back into his room. He had rolled over onto his

side and was kinda huddled up and I knew that shit didn't bode well, so I rubbed his shoulder and kissed him as I cleaned the spunk off of him. I handed him the bottle of water and then went into his

bathroom to run him a warm bath to help soak away some of the soreness he was going to be feeling,(never said I couldn't be a compassionate bastard did I?), and then I went back to get him up and

coax him into the tub with me. I knew he was feeling out of sorts and I didn't want to leave him feeling like hell after his first time. He was still laying on his side and not saying anything so I laid down

behind him and just cuddled him up against me. " Talk to me, why are you being so quiet now?" He sighed deeply, "Well, I guess its official now, I am a nothing but a faggot."

JPOV

The enormity of what had just happened hit Jasper like a ton of bricks. He had ended up getting fucked by a man who he barely knew, and though it had ended up being a mostly pleasurable

experience, he had been dominated and made to feel out of control, and one thing Jasper never was, was out of control. He had worked hard since he had been on his own to keep a level head and

maintain a strict discipline over himself and his body, that was the main reason he had never gone out with anyone before or even tried to have sex, he had to be in control and prove his family wrong,

he wasn't the "shame of the family that should have been drowned at birth" he was just Jasper, a guy who wanted to make his family proud again someday, somehow and yet, he had just proven

them right, he was a "queer" a "faggot", that shit didn't fly in his family so he really was an orphan, he had just sealed that. He laid there waiting for Edward to just leave so he could be alone for

awhile, he didn't know what he was going to do after that, but he was probably going to leave and never look back. Emmett was building a new a good life with Rosalie, Edward would go on being

whatever he was, nothing would change but Jasper would be out of their hair. When he heard the water running in the bathroom, he thought Edward was showering and cleaning up before he left, he

did not expect him to come back in to deal with his melt down. Jasper wasn't expecting kindness from Edward, in fact he was more than sure he had been used, but by the same token he had done

some using himself, so he figured he got as good as he gave, he just wasn't as experienced in the method. His whole body was beginning to ache when Edward laid down next to him, and he was

planning on taking a few of his left over pain pills and drinking the beers that were left in the fridge and sleeping until morning when he would talk things over with Emmett. Edwards reaction to him

calling himself those names was unexpected, and it left Jasper wondering what the mans motivation was.

EPOV

When he called himself a "Faggot", I knew that we probably had a lot more in common than I had ever even considered. If he thought he was going to run my ass off by throwing down that word, then

he had another thing coming because I had been called a lot worse by much bigger men than him, in fact I had heard that same word from my own so- called family, much like I figured he had, so it

appeared that my plans for a quick escape to get some sleep before work the next day was blown to hell and gone, because I knew he needed to unload some of the poison that was rolling around in

his guts, otherwise it was going to eat him from the inside out, and no matter what a heartless bastard I may have been most of the time, I did give a damn about what happened to him. I figured the

best way to deal with it was during a nice warm soak in tub so both of our tired and sore asses could be soothed, and I could keep him relaxed, so I just swooped him up against me and carried him

into the bathroom with me and we I got us settled into the tub with him sitting between legs and cuddled up against my chest and I told him, "Look, if you are calling yourself a faggot, then you are

calling me that too and I really don't appreciate being called that name by someone I just spent a damn good time with, so look, I know it's a lot to take deal with, I have been there, in fact I the reason

I joined the Marines was because I was given the option of being homeless or in the military and being quiet about who I was, so I chose the military as a means to an end, much like I am willing to bet

you did." He just nodded against my chest as I started stroking his hair and telling him about all the years I had spent living in denial of what and who I was, and how hard it was to face things alone,

but that it was what made us stronger and when we did decide to allow ourselves to feel something, it would be more intense and meaningful, but that it would have to be in the right time and place

and the important thing to remember was that, all good things come in time. I did my best to reassure him that I was going to do my best to be there for him as much as the situation would allow.

JPOV

Jasper didn't know what to think when Edward picked him up and carried him into the bathroom. He was too drained emotionally and physically to fight, so he just laid there, limp and languid in

Edwards arms as Edward told him about the things he had gone through as a young man, a story that was virtually the same as Jaspers. The warm water, coupled with the soothing feeling of being in

Edwards arms while he stroked his hair, helped to soothe away some of the hurt and anguish Jasper was feeling, but he still was not sure how he was going to deal with everything that was going

through his mind. "Jasper, listen, you are going to be okay, this was just a big bump in the road, but things are going to start really going well for you. The academy starts day after tomorrow, you have

a start on a real future, a damn good friend who cares about you and would rip my head off if anything happened to you, and you have your whole life and career ahead of you. You need to just take a

deep breath and give things time to develop, see where things are going to go, but you damn sure aren't just a , faggot", you are a survivor and someone that inspires fierce loyalty and love from their

friend, and I am willing to bet you are a hell of a medic and you are going to be a hell of a cop." The words helped to ease some of the ache and fear in Jaspers heart, but he still wasn't sure how the

entire turn of events was going to affect his and Edwards budding relationship, so he decided to just say what was on his mind, " We just hardly met a month and a half ago, don't even hardly know

each other, yet I just threw myself at you like it was nothing. You probably think Im some kinda piece of shit for just jumping you like that." Edward chuckled softly , "No, I don't think you are anything of

the sort. I think you were someone like me. Someone who has been alone and starved for physical affection from something other than your own damn hand for so long that it was just like a force of

nature coming together. We are both grown assed men and we are both able to make decisions about what we do, without having to ask permission from the fucking polite society, because God knows

they damn sure don't wanna give it to us." Jasper silently mulled over then things Edward told him, and he considered that in spite of the difficulties they were going to face in their relationship, he

wanted to give being with Edward a try.

EPOV

After I talked to him a bit about my past and made sure his mind was in a better place, I knew I had to start laying out the rules of the road for how things had to be when he was around me in public. I

figured he wasn't going to like it, but if he couldn't hack it, then now would be the time to figure things out and put and end to it. "Jasper, Orientation night is going to be somewhat of a test for all the

cadets, kinda like the beginning of Basic. I know you will be able to handle that, but Gunny is in charge of a large chunk of things and he will be out to get a little payback from you for you dogging him in

front of staff, I can only step in if it gets too far over the line, so you will have to be ready to watch your own back. I will even have to be tough on you, so be prepared, you may not like the side of me

you see when things get to rolling along. You will be expected to put in ride along hours as well as academy time and after the mid-point of the academy when you get your reserve status, you will be

expected to start working with different field training officers. We should be able to see each other from time to time, but its always going to be subject to being able to work around schedules and

other interruptions and we absolutely have to keep it quiet because if anyone even suspected that we were anything to each other more than Captain and new boot initially, they would come down on

you extra hard and it would go bad for both of us." I hoped I was making it clear to him that things had to be the way they were for the good of us both, but I don't think he fully grasped the

implications of the entire situation and just how damn long those lonely nights were going to be and how hard it was going to get on both of us in the long run.


	12. Chapter 12

Arriving at the academy was an interesting experience. Jasper knew that most of the command cadre of the sheriffs department, along with the entire training staff of the academy would be on hand for the orientation session. He had been warned by Edward that the Gunny would be there and that he should be careful to not be anywhere alone with him or out of sight of the rest of the training staff. Emmett planned to buddy up with Jasper as much as allowed and when they filed into the classroom area, they made sure to take a desk towards the back of the classroom. Emmett spotted Edward leaned against the desk talking to the director and he nudged Jasper. Jasper glanced at him in spite of his efforts to resist. "Emmett, dammit don't draw attention to him or me!" Emmett laughed at his buddies discomfort as Jasper blushed and tried to shrink into his uncomfortable chair. The rest of the recruits slowly trickled in and promptly at 1600 hours the officer at the doors turned and locked the entry doors, leaving a rather large and imposing officer to deal with the stragglers.

The director began by taking roll. There were 32 answered as present and accounted for , and with a nod of the directors head, the classroom door was opened and 6 stragglers were marched to the front of the classroom to explain themselves and their reason for being tardy. Two of them were sheriffs department recruits and the Gunny was on them like a pit bull the moment the director was done checking them in, "Follow me, NOW!" The two recruits followed him out, tailed closely by the Captain and it wasn't too long before the shouting could be heard inside the classroom. After 10 minutes the recruits came in, sweaty and disheveled to take their seats near the front of the classroom, and the Captain and Gunny returned to their positions of wary evaluation.

The rules were simple, "Do not be late, do not miss class, always be prepared, respectful and follow orders." They were issued their guide books and rules and regs and told that they would be tested on them the next night. They would be beginning PT on Saturday as well as the hands on training. Any injuries would be at the cadets or their departments expense. They were not to bring weapons to class until specifically told to, and any deviation from that would result in immediate termination from the academy. They would have uniform inspections daily and they would be held to standard. A cadet class captain would need to be elected and would be responsible for all lapses in discipline as well as would be reporting directly to the director and all command staff any questions, comments or complaints from the cadets. They would have one week to elect and officer. The director of the academy invited questions and a few cadets asked about off hour behavior requirements, and a few grumbled when they were told that they were held to the same standard as already sworn officers and as such if they got into any trouble in their off time, it would affect them in the academy. The director was very blunt, " By mid session, I expect to lose more than half of you, most cant hack the academics, we have injuries, frequently, and the physical demands will be too much for some." He looked directly at Jasper when he said that, and Jasper looked right back at him, evenly meeting his gaze, he was used to being under estimated and he knew the director would live to eat those words.

After he had finished giving them the breakdown of the rules and regulations, the director turned the floor over to the individual departments with the sheriffs going first due to the sheer volume of cadets. The Gunny lead the assault on their ears, going old school classic R. Lee on them, barking like he had never learned to communicate normally, he glared at Jasper throughout most of his rant about rules and punishments and how he liked to washout those who could not properly represent the department. Jasper sighed to himself, it was going to be a long 6 months. The captain studiously ignored him during orientation though Jasper felt his eyes on him as he left that evening , and he wished that there was some way they could live in a world where things were different.

The first few weeks of the academy flew past, and due to his caginess and willingness to go the extra mile and organize study groups to help the cadets that were weaker academically, Jasper quickly became popular amongst his fellow cadets, much to the surprise of the director who had expected him to be treated as the goat. Jasper was elected class Captain and soon became the Directors right hand man, often running errands for him to the sheriffs' department. Whenever they could grasp a few stolen moments together, they were filled with passion and need and want. Jasper felt himself falling for Edward in spite of the warnings Edward gave him, not to. He couldn't help it. They spent hours together in one another's arms and Jasper felt that something was there, but he didn't know what. He knew that he loved Edward, and with everything he learned about him, it only made him love him more, but he felt that Edward was keeping a distance between them, a wall around himself that Jasper just couldn't seem to climb over no matter how freely he gave of himself or how much effort he put into things. There were times he would get a page to meet Edward at his apartment and he would be there waiting, and then Edward would not show up. There would be no call, no text, and no apology for his behavior. At the academy during training, he had been an opponent for Jasper on a number of occasions and true to his word he gave no quarter to Jasper. In fact it was after one of these defensive tactics training sessions that Jasper ended up in the hospital.

EPOV

I don't know what the hell happened. I didn't mean to hurt him, but he zigged when I was expecting him to zag and I connected with that hard head of his and they next thing I know he is on the fucking ground having a seizure! It was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in my life and I wanted to just grab him up and hold him, but Emmett shoved me back so damn hard that I had his hand prints in my chest for a week and he shouted, " Don't just fucking stand there you idiot, call an ambulance!" He flipped Jasper up on his side and got some padding under his head so he didn't bang it on the ground any more than he already had. I got an ambulance on the way as the seizure passed, but Jasper wasn't waking up. His mouth was bleeding and he had a hell of a knot on his head where the baton had connected and I could already see battles signs starting to show. I had given him a concussion and maybe a skull fracture. Holy Fuuck !Emmett was looking at me like he was fixing to rip me limb from limb as he rubbed Jaspers back and talked to him. "You could at least talk to him and let him know you are sorry, Goddammit." I knelt down and patted Jaspers shoulder as the ambulance rolled up, "I'm riding in with him and McCarty" I told the director "Have someone bring my truck into the hospital would you?" He said he would and I told the medics I was riding in back and Emmett was riding up front as they strapped a still unconscious Jasper to a backboard and prepared to haul ass to the hospital.

Fuck! What the hell had I done? I had been pushing him harder than the other cadets, but I wanted him to prove to everyone he was capable of making it out in the field just fine, and he had been meeting every single challenge I threw at him, handling every combat challenge and every defensive tactics and force exercise that we had with skill and perseverance, even though his body was a road map of bruises and sore muscles that I spent many an hour massaging and tracing guiltily when we got time together. I knew he was pushing too hard and I was the reason, he wanted to make me happy, he wanted to please me at the cost of his own physical well being. The baton training was often the toughest part of the entire academy, many cadets ended up with significant bruises and we had even experienced broken bones from miscalculations or over enthusiastic cadets who forgot that they were actually facing comrades instead of real bad guys. Jasper had turned and ducked, the opposite of what I was expecting him to do and instead of catching him in the upper arm, I had caught him in the side of the head with a pretty strong off hand strike, strikes that had been known to kill lesser men.

When we arrived at the hospital, he was still unconscious and unresponsive. My heart was dying inside but I had to show the hard-assed, callous side to the E.D. staff as they asked for information about who he was and what had happened. Emmett was giving as much of his medical history as he knew and I was shocked to hear that he still had shrapnel in him so they were going to have to figure out how to get films of what was going on in his skull without that creating a problem. I went into the room they had him in as the nurses finished cutting his clothes off and starting Iv's. He was breathing on his own, but he was out and didn't even flinch as a catheter was seemingly jammed into him. "Jesus woman! Easy on the poor guy , he will need that again when he wakes up!" She smirked at me, "Hun, he isn't feeling a damn thing right now, and its better to get it done quick so I can get a urine sample and get it sent off with everything else." She looked at his tattoo on his hip and I saw her face soften, " Poor dear." She covered him up with a blanket and brushed a stray lock of hair off his face as she gathered up her stuff to leave the room. "He will be fine, if they were truly worried about a brain injury he would be on his way to Barrows by now, so don't you worry about him." I didn't know what to say to that, how the hell could she tell I was genuinely worried and heartsick about the fact I had really hurt him? Fuck! That scared me just a little, because if some random nurse could see he meant something to me, then others might be able to tell something was going on as well. I had to get gone and soon. I planned as soon as my truck arrived, I was going to bail and leave Emmett orders to call me as soon as he knew something.

EmPOV

That bastard was leaving? He did this to Jasper and now he was just going to leave? Emmett wanted to rip his head off and shove it up his manipulative and calculating ass, but he knew that would only hurt Jasper more when he woke up and Emmett had faith that he was going to wake up, and soon. They had been through too much together to let some stupid training accident take one of them out, plus they were already half-way through the academy and there was no way this was going to stop them now. He stood there seething at Edward, trying to convey just how badly he wanted to hurt him as he did his best to maintain professional decorum in the E.D. and the cover that Jasper and Edward had so carefully crafted. Cullen got a call midway through their conversation and he turned and walked away from Emmet to talk to the person, " Yes, he is still unconscious. No, we don't have a status update on him beyond that. Yes, I was the one that hit him. Yes Sir, I understand. No Sir, he has no family outside of McCarty his roommate. Understood." Edward ended the call and turned to Emmett, "Apparently I am going to be staying here, so disregard that last. You probably need to get some fresh clothes and some food, as well as some clothes for him to replace the ones they cut off of him, so there is an officer driving in to bring me my truck, you can take it and handle that." Emmett was pissed beyond belief at the audacity of Cullen's casual dismissal of him. " I am not leaving him until he wakes up and I know he is going to be okay, Im not so worried about covering my ass as you are, so why don't you just fucking leave and I will take care of him?"

They stepped toe to toe and it looked like they were going to go at it but the same nurse that had tended to Jasper, stepped between them and said, " If you two want to find out whose dick is bigger, I can catheterize both of you and let you know, but if you don't mind, he is starting to wake up and you might want to take your asses in there so he's not alone when he does."

Jpov

Jasper didn't know what the hell had happened. Last he remembered he was facing Edward who was demonstrating the techniques of keeping a suspect at bay with just an expandable baton. He went in for a sneak attack and that was the last thing he remembered before he woke up with a whopper of a headache, naked, in the emergency department. Everything was a bit blurry and when he tried to sit up he realized that two sets of hands were pushing him back down. "Take it easy there Jasper, I don't think they want you sitting up just yet, okay?" He heard Emmett call for a doctor and he realized that the other set of hands was holding one of his while gently stroking his forehead…Edward was there! " You scared the hell out of me." was whispered in his ear as Edward leaned down to talk to him, "I cant stay long, but don't worry about things at the academy, I will handle it with the department and with them, so just focus on getting better. I will be over as soon as you are home."


	13. Chapter 13

Epov

It felt like took forever for the damn doctors to get their asses in gear and get me some damn answers about what was going on with Jasper. It turns out that Alice was right, while he did have a pretty damn good concussion, it was the dehydration and exhaustion that was really kicking his ass. They were going to keep him over night to evaluate him and keep an eye on things, as well as make sure he got a good nights sleep. The doc also was insisting that he take at least a few days off to do nothing but rest. I was going to have to go to the director and get a variance for Jasper for that, because he academy rules were pretty strict when it came to missed time, basically there was no excuse, even if it was my fault. I took the doc out into the hall to have a little chitty chat with him up close and personal. I needed him to keep Jasper in the hospital for that rest and I needed him to run further tests, even if it was on my dime, because even if it was a smoke screen and bullshit, it was going to be the best way to get the variance and prevent questions. The doc was on board with keeping him for a few more days, hell why wouldn't he be? Its all more money for them. And I hung out until they got him settled into his room, which was private because he was a cop and I didn't want some scroate hassling him when we was out of it. McCarty had finally quit mad dogging me long enough to go and get Jasper some clothes and things for when he woke up, but he was still naked under the sheet due to all the damn tubes they had running every where on him. He was gonna hate the one coming out of his dick, hell just looking at it made me squirm, not that I kept looking, but damn! Ouch!

He looked so tired and lost laying there, and I felt like such a bastard. Love him? Yeah, probably. But what the hell can be done about it? Its not like this is San Francisco. That kinda stuff just doesn't go on around here it would be detrimental to both of our careers. I made sure he was covered up and as I was about to sit down he started stirring again.

Jpov

Jasper realized he was no longer in the emergency room, when he woke up. He didn't try to sit up this time around because he didn't want a repeat of puking on Edward. He looked around the room and realized that Edward was still with him and that made him happy in spite of all the discomfort he was feeling. His throat felt like it was on fire and he managed to croak out , "Water?" Edward poured him a cup of water from the pitcher that was sitting on the table near his bed, and putting a straw in it, Edward then came over and putting an arm under Jaspers shoulders, helped raise him up enough so that he could take a sip. "Thank you, What happened?" Edward grinned ruefully and rubbed the back of his own head like he was prone to do when he was tense. " Well, you zigged when I thought you were gonna zag and you caught the Asp to the skull. You went down like a sack of potato's and had a seizure. You scared the hell out of everyone by deciding to not wake up for a while, so you are gonna be here for a few days while they run some tests and you rest.'

Jasper started to protest, he couldn't risk getting kicked out of the academy at this point! He had come so far and they were nearly at the end, but the policy was pretty clear. Edward raised his had up in a shushing gesture, " Jasper, I have it handled. Do not worry about the academy. The director and I are old friends and he owes me some favors, the sheriff is aware of what happened and he just wants you taken care of, so you are under orders to just rest, recuperate and not to worry about things. But you are to keep your butt here, in bed, resting and recuperating. Apparently you are dehydrated and exhausted, so you haven't been taking very good care of yourself and that makes me more than a little unhappy."

Jasper sighed, he hadn't been taking care of himself as well as he could have. He had been pushing to stay on top in the academy so he had spent much of his spare time training and when he wasn't doing that, he was with Edward and there was no resting when he was with Edward. He was worn thin physically and emotionally because just when he thought things were going good with Edward, Edward would shut him out and ignore him for weeks on end, and that would lead to weeks of self-doubt and recriminations and insomnia on Jaspers part. Perhaps the blow to the head was a good thing for him, Jasper laid back on the pillow and closed his eyes, he just wanted to sleep and not think for awhile.

Epov

Fuck! He looked like hell. He had two black eyes on top of the lump on the side of his head, and he was thin. The blanket had fallen down when I had sat him up to get a drink of water and I got a real good look at all the bruises on his arms and chest, and the guy looked like a victim of domestic violence. On top of all the scars he already had, he was black and fucking blue all over, and most of them had been inflicted by me during training, though there were a few I knew of on his hips that came from something else. I was bad for the kid. He was pushing himself to hard to try and please me, and it was taking a toll. I was going to have to ease up on him somehow during the academy or a bump on the head was going to be the least of our worries.

Jasper was out of it for the rest of the day, not even waking up to eat the crap that passed for food they brought him. I had to get my ass home to tend to my critters as well as call the sheriff and give him an update on what was going on with Jasper. I tucked the blanket up around him and made sure his water was in reach, prepared to leave, but not before taking a moment to steal a kiss from him, because I didn't know how damn long it was going to be before I managed to get another one.

Empov

Emmett was not happy with the entire situation. He had watched the emotional mindfuck that was happening to Jasper and he resented Cullen for it. One week things would be fine and Cullen would be over pretty much every single night spending time with Jasper, hanging out and acting like he gave a damn, and then at the academy he would beat him like a red-headed step child. Even the Gunny didn't push Jasper as hard as Cullen did, and other cadets had noticed and commented on it several times. During clean up after P.T., they had all seen the road map of bruises that covered Jaspers already scarred body, and there was talk of taking Cullen down a peg during the next hands on combat training. Emmett was ready to participate, but he knew that would piss Jasper off, so he decided to just make sure that those who were thinking about it, had his support and indulgence. The cadets that were planning the payback were all bigger cadets, and oddly, most of them were from other agencies, so they would not face much retribution from their department for taking Cullen down, he was not as popular with other agencies as he was with his own, so payback for hurting Jasper was going to be a bitch, and Emmett was damn sure going to enjoy seeing it.

Once Emmett found out Jasper was going to be confined to the hospital for a few days, he made sure he fanned the flames and let the already angry cadets know that it was time to deal with the situation. Cullen was due to help out with the domestic violence scenario as a bad guy, and with emotions already running high, three of the largest cadets decided that it was time to make sure Cullen got a taste of how abusers should be treated.

EPOV

Updating the sheriff on Jaspers condition was a tricky situation. I swear he knew something was up, or maybe I was just paranoid, but he chewed my ass up one side and down the other about the kid getting hurt. Fuck! it wasn't like I did it on purpose, but apparently he had heard through the grapevine I had been really, "Riding Whitlocks ass" I swear to God it was all I could to not spit my coffee all over his desk at that one, because if he really knew. He told me that he suspected that Whitlock might, "Live an alternative lifestyle" and that if I was being abusive to him because of that I could get into trouble for discrimination. Holy hell! I never thought I would be having to defend myself against allegation of being "Anti-gay", but I managed to convince the sheriff I was just making sure that Whitlock had the sand to hang under pressure and that we were actually friends in our off time. He seemed a bit skeptical, but I told him that we had in fact spent some time at the range,(the truth), and had even gone out on some area orientation drives in my 4x4,(I guess you could call driving out into the desert and fucking, area orientation), but he eventually bought it and told me that Whitlock was going to be aligned with the narcotics task force as an undercover officer as soon as he was up and about again, so I was not to be injuring him any further. It was good to know he had finally been approved for the High School detail and that he was in fact still good with the department, but I left out of there very uneasy. The sheriff suspected that Jasper was gay, and if he suspected Jasper was gay, then if I was around him very much, he would begin to suspect me. Something was going to have to change.


	14. Chapter 14

JPOV

Jasper awoke to the feel of someone pulling the blanket back up over him. He opened his eyes hoping to find Edward, but it was a nurse. He was feeling pretty disgusting and dirty, so he asked if he could get up and get a shower, but the little nurse just smiled at him and said, 'Well honey, we will have to ask the doctor if we can get some of these tubes and things out of you first, but I was just about to clean you up a little bit anyway." That made Jasper more than a little bit nervous, because he wasn't quite sure he was comfortable with the gleam he saw in her eye, but all he could smell was stale vomit, sweat and blood, so he knew he needed it, so he figured it couldn't be worse than laying in his own filth. He was still pretty woozy so the fact he was catheterized hadn't quite registered with him, that was until he reached down to scratch while the nurse was gathering up the towels and things she needed to wash him, " WHAT THE HELL!" Jaspers shout brought her running and she just about slid up to his bed, "Whats wrong? Does something hurt?" Jasper was not sure how to proceed, he was not a happy camper about the state of affairs surrounding his pecker, but he was enough of a gentleman that he didn't want to make it an issue with the nurse. Truthfully, he was a bit bashful around women and he was hoping she would just give him the water and the wash cloth so he could clean himself up, but the tube coming out of his pecker? That was going to have to GO! And sooner rather than later, so Jasper said, "Could you please call my doctor, I think I need to talk to him a minute." The nurse looked at him and smiled, " Is it the catheter? Don't worry, I was planning on taking that out in just a minute, I just wanted to get the stuff together first and then I will pull it out." Jasper went pale, " YOU will PULL it out?" She gave him a sympathetic look, "Honey, it wont be bad at all, in fact, if you don't watch, you probably wont even feel it, so if you just relax and let me get the rest of the stuff together, we will get this show on the road in a few minutes."

Jasper laid back in mortification and tried to pretend he did not hear what he though he just heard, that she was going to pull it out. Could things get worse? Oh yeah, they could. " Okay hun, lets get you all cleaned up and feeling more like a human being without so many tubes running in and out of you." She had no intention of letting Jasper handle things himself, SHE was going to do it. Jasper tried to raise up and protest, but damn! she was surprisingly strong for a small chick! "Lay BACK!" she spoke very firmly to Jasper, "Trust me, you don't want to watch me do this." and as she approached his groin area with a syringe, Jasper suddenly believed her and he very obediently laid back and tried to not gasp in shock as he felt her take his dick in hand. "There, all over and done with, that should feel loads better. I will get you a bedside urinal to use until the doc says you can get up. Now sit tight for just a second while I get rid of this and I will get you all cleaned up." It had happened so fast Jasper hadn't even realized it was over, but he already felt relief. The little nurse came back and helped him sit up a bit so she could spread a towel under his head and then she proceeded to gently wash his hair, mindful of the lump on the side of his head, followed by his face and then his chest and arms and hands. Jasper was so relaxed and happy at finally feeling clean again that he started to doze off, as she dumped out the pan of dirty water and refilled it with fresh warm water. His nice, peaceful nap abruptly ended when she pulled the blanket up from the bottom, uncovering his feet legs and groin! "We are almost done hun, if you want to snooze, that's quite alright, I am used to it." Jasper didn't think he was ever going to snooze again as she very casually swabbed around his junk. Just as he didn't think he could get anymore mortified, the door to his room swung open and he looked over to see Emmett and half a dozen guys from the academy coming in to say, "Hello".

EMpov

Emmet was not known for his great timing or his discretion so of course when he walked in on Jasper with his parts in the wind, he was compelled to make a deal of it, ensuring maximum embarrassment for Jasper as well as letting his friend know that he was still part of the, "Team" and thus subject to being treated like anybody else, even if he was confined to the hospital. "Jeesus man! Couldn't you hang a sock or something on the door if you were gonna be doing that?" Emmetts booming voice made the nurse jump and she glared at him across Jaspers naked lower half, "Do you mind? This is a hospital." Emmett smiled at her as the rest of the cadets tried to look everywhere but Jaspers exposed lower half, " You know lady, I think my friends pecker is clean enough ,hell! Emmett acted as if he were studiously staring at Jaspers groin, its pretty near shiny!" The nurse huffed at him and pulled the blanket back down, covering Jasper up, "I will come and finish this up after lunch time, okay?" Jasper nodded at her, too mortified to even make eye contact as Emmett gave her the raised eyebrow and said, "You do that, Okay?" She threw her gloves in the trash and stomped out of the room, giving one last glare over her shoulder at Emmett as he flopped down in the chair next to Jaspers bed.

"Soo, what the hell Jasper? When are you getting out of here? What have they found out? How are you feeling?" Emmett and the other cadets peppered Jasper with questions so fast that he couldn't hardly think. He was already tired again and it must have shown on his face, because Emmett stood up and said, "Hey guys, he's looking a little worn out already from his adventures with nurse hottie, so what do you guys say you head on down to the ride and I will meet you there in a few so we can head out to class?" The guys gave Jasper their fist bumps and well wishes to let him know he was missed, and they headed out, leaving Emmett and Jasper alone for a couple of minutes to talk.

JPOV

Jasper knew Emmett had not been happy about how his relationship with Edward was going. The hot and cold nature of it had left Emmett to deal with Jaspers morose nature when Edward was ignoring Jasper, as well as when Edwards casual cruelty had left Jasper feeling rejected. Emmett believed Jasper deserved better and he resented how Edward treated Jasper at the academy especially, and a few times it had become heated during training exercises with the hands on part of the training becoming more realistic than the simulation called for. Jasper feared that another showdown was approaching.

"Jasper, I am worried about you man. This isn't right. You are beat to hell, worn out and you work harder than any of us. You so don't deserve this. When is he going to stop pushing you so hard, when he kills you?"

Jasper sighed, he loved Emmett and he knew his heart was in the right place, but he was not one to talk when it came to difficult relationships. Jasper knew that Emmett's relationship with Rose was different, and to say that Rose was a "Dominating" woman, would be putting things mildly, but Jasper wasn't going to interfere in that.

"Emmett, it was an accident he didn't mean to hit me and he is making sure I am well taken care of while I am in here."

Emmett looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "Really, where is he today? I don't see him. In fact, I haven't seen him since yesterday when he was trying to take off out of the ED before you even woke the hell up, and the sheriff called to tell him to keep his ass there." Jasper was stunned, Edward had been ordered to stay with him? What the hell was going on?

"Why was he ordered to stay with me?" Emmett shrugged, " I don't know, I guess maybe the sheriff was upset that his new 'Golden boy" was all messed up. I do know that you have a lot of fans in the class and the guys are all kinds of pissed off that you are hurt, Cullen better keep his shit tight if he wants to keep his teeth after what has all gone on."

Jasper went pale, "Emmett! please, don't do anything to him! It was an accident and we all knew going into the training that injuries were a risk."

Emmett stood up and gently slapped Jaspers shoulder, 'Don't worry about me Bro, I'm not going to do anything to him other than maybe have a few words with him in private once you are out of here. I've got to go, we are doing the D/V hands on today and with the way emotions are running in class, it promises to be a rough session, who knows, you might see more of us in here tonight!" That was what Jasper was afraid of, and as Emmett walked out the door, smirking at the nurse who was bringing in his lunch tray, he called to him, "Please Emmett, be careful!" Though he kinda knew Emmett was the one he need not be worried about .


	15. Chapter 15

EmPov

Emmett hadn't exactly lied to Jasper, he wasn't going to participate in what was going to happen at the academy when Edward showed up for the hands on Domestic Violence training, but he wasn't exactly going to stop it either. Edward needed to get his ass kicked, and Sam, Paul and Seth were just the boys to do it. They liked Jasper, and they admired the fact that though he was the smallest guy in the class, he went out of his way to work harder than every one else, and he out ran everyone. He had spent time tutoring them when they had struggled with some of the academic areas, and he had even gone above and beyond to make sure that his entire class had everything they needed to be successful. Jasper was a born leader and a caretaker, and they loved him for it. Edwards abuse of him had not gone unnoticed and it was resented. Now that it had gone to far and Jasper had been hurt, they had decided it was time for payback.

The plan was that when the scenario started, they would all three rush Edward, take him down hard and then just as fast as possible, administer as many hard strikes as possible before they were pulled off. All three of them expected to get into trouble, but due to the history of the difficulty of the scenario, they were anticipating that it would not be significant. In the past cadets had often ended up in the hospital or with injuries, so an ambulance would be standing by, unlike when Jasper got hurt and they had to wait for one to show up. They all knew Emmett wasn't going to participate, due to his affiliation with the sheriffs department but he gave his blessing.

Emmett tried not to glare at Edward as they prepared for the training scenario. He was among the few, and the air in the gym was thick with tension as the cadets gathered in their teams for the sessions. The gunny gave each approach team their scenario and as the time came for Paul, Seth and Sams team to approach Edward and the other officer in the scenario, a silence fell over the gym as the other teams watched when the voices of the cadets sounded at once, very loud and angry with the agreed upon signal of, "Let me see your hands" as all three charged Edward, taking him to the floor hard.

Emmett saw Edwards head finally hit the floor as Sam and hit him in the knees with his baton and Paul caught him in the lower back with his as Seth took him the rest of the way down. There was a flurry of fists that struck Edward and shouts of " Stop Resisting" as they continued to act as though they were arresting him. He was cuffed and they had his arms bent up behind him but he was unconscious and the other officer in the scenario was shouting for help from the other training staff. A halt was called to the scenario as the Gunny and the rest of the sheriffs department staff came running over to help. The three who had beaten Edward were pulled aside and told to not move until their supervisors arrived. The ambulance crew was called over as Edward was uncuffed by Emmett.

Edwards face was bloodied and was swelling rapidly. It was pretty evident that the guys had gotten in some good shots as they had him down. He was out cold and not showing any signs of coming around. The ambulance crew was packaging him up like he had been in a car wreck and as they cut his shirt off, Emmett could see some pretty damn big bruises coming up on his chest. He had probably gotten at least as good as Jasper, if not worse. Emmett knew it was going to be bad once Jasper found out Edward had been hurt, and he hoped that the director cancelled the rest of the training for the afternoon so that he could get to the hospital and break the news to Jasper before he found out through someone else and freaked out.

Epov

I knew the shit was on. I should have been better prepared, but fucking hell! I was expecting McCarty to kick my ass and settle things up, not 3 of those monsters from the city! I mean, Jesus! What the hell do they care? I didn't even have time to brace myself before those motherfuckers hit me like a mack truck. They hit me, I guess my head hit the floor and the next thing I know I am waking up in the God Damned ER with that same crazy assed nurse jamming a tube up MY dick. That shit HURT! She was lucky I don't believe in hitting women. I got to say I was a little freaked out ot see that what she got out of that tube was red! So I was pissing blood? Son of a bitch. What the hell all had they done to me? I was strapped to a motherfucking back board, a collar around my neck, I couldn't move a muscle and…of fuck me running that damned rent a doc was looking at me with a smirk.

'So Captain Cullen, It appears you ended up on the wrong end of a few fists and batons? That's a surprise." Motherfucker…I was gonna kick his ass when I could get up. He started walking around me. " It appears that you might have some broken ribs, and a bruised collar bone." He ran his hand up my leg, and I realized I was completely fucking naked, " We need to x-ray your knee to see how bad the damage is to it, but it appears it might be fractured' What. The. Fuck? They broke my knee? They knocked my ass out, broke some of my ribs and broke my fucking knee? What the hell? Was I deserving of all that? Had my treatment of Jasper been that bad? The pain was starting to build and I couldn't help the groan that escaped me as the crazy nurse walked up by my head, " Im going to make sure you are put in the room with him. You guys need to talk before one of you ends up dead."

I ended up spending the next 4 hours laying on the damned board, shuffled between the x-ray department and the damn ED while the rent-a-doc took his sweet ass time figuring out what was wrong with me. The little nurse kept shooting me up with pain meds and stopping by to check on me and cover my up whenever that bastard doc left me uncovered. I hoped that son of a bitch planned on leaving town when he was done with me down here, because once I loose and on my feet, I was going to make sure his ass got some payback. The nurse, "Alice" finally got some help and finally got my ass off that damned back board and out of the collar after the x-rays came back and cleared my neck, but the bastard doc seemed to get some sick pleasure out of telling me that I had 4 broken ribs and my knee was indeed broken.

Once I was off the board, Alice helped me to sit up so she could wrap my ribs. I was going to have to wait for a ortho guy to come down to talk to me, but apparently I needed surgery? Fucking hell! My kidneys were badly bruised, collarbone bruised but not broken, ribs broken, concussion, with a laceration on my damn head that Alice had already made sure got stitched up before she let me sit up, but now my hair was all fucked up, and now I was going to have to have surgery on my fucking knee. I knew I should have never started seeing anyone. It was just safer to drive to Vegas once and awhile to get the itch scratched . No one ever got hurt, I never had to worry about anything. Now both me and Jasper are in the hospital all fucked up and within a hairsbreadth of outing ourselves to the world.

The news from the ortho guy was not good. My fucking knee cap was shattered! What the hell? He was going to have to do a total replacement and I was looking at being on crutches and in physical therapy for months. Alice came by to shoot me up with more happy juice and as I was dozing off, I heard her say, " When you wake up, it will all be over and it will be time to start fixing things."

Empov

Emmett was chomping at the bit to get away from the class. He was shocked when the director announced that the training would go on as scheduled. The Gunny had left to go check on Cullen's status and had not returned, but other than that, things had gone on as they normally did. The director eyed Emmett critically a few times , as if he were looking to see some kind of reaction to the stress of the situation, and perhaps he did catch Emmett checking his watch more than a few times, but nothing to make him think that Em was involved in anything. The three that had beat down Edward were written up for misconduct and referred to their hiring agencies for appropriate punishment, though it was likely they would only be written up as using "Excessive Force in a Training Scenario" which was not all that uncommon of an occurrence.

The rest of the day went without incident and the class was dismissed with the admonishment that they were expected to report on time the next day prepared to participate. Emmett didn't even go home to shower and clean up, he went by their favorite Mexican restaurant and grabbed Jasper a decent dinner and he headed straight to the hospital to get an update on Edward,(hopefully from Gunny or someone from the department) and then on to break the difficult news to Jasper that a message had been delivered on his behalf.

Jpov

Jasper was bored. He had been stuck in the stupid bed all day long and he wanted to get up and move around, but the nurses were insistent that due to his head injury and the fact he had nearly passed out a couple of times upon sitting up, that he couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. It was aggravating and a little embarrassing. He had no one to talk to and the tv was boring and he could only sleep so much, though he suspected that the nurse was slipping him sedatives to keep him drowsy. He was just dozing off again when the nurse came back in and pulled the curtain that separated his side from the empty bed by the door. It appeared he was going to be getting a roommate. He was apprehensive about that, hopefully they would be somebody he could talk to or that would at least not be noisy or rude, especially since he didn't know how much longer he was going to be stuck in there with them. He heard a commotion at the door and Emmett came bursting in. "Jas, I have something to tell you and you aren't going to be happy."

Empov

Emmett couldn't believe his crappy luck. They were going to be putting Edward in the same room as Jasper? really? It was bad enough that Jasper was going to freak out over how badly Edward was hurt, but to be in the same room as him? Fuck! At least he got there before they got him actually into the room!

"Jas, there was an incident this morning at the academy and some of the guys kinda got a little rough during the D/V simulation and…welll, Edward got hurt."

Jaspers eyes widened in shock as the color drained from his face, " How bad Emmett?" Emmett looked around nervously and he glanced at the curtain that was pulled between the two beds. "Well Jas, he is going to be your roommate for a while. Hes got a concussion, some broken ribs, bruised kidneys, and his knee was shattered," "What the FUCK EMMETT! What did you do?" Emmett shook his head, "Jas! I didn't do it! It was Paul and Seth and Sam! They did it. I had nothing to do with it! I didn't lay a hand on him except to take the cuffs off of him and help with getting him into the ambulance."

Jasper was trying to get out of his bed, causing the monitors to kick off and set off alarms that brought his nurse into the room, "Mr. Whitlock! What on earth are you doing? You are not to get out of bed!" Jasper glared at her, "Where is Captain Cullen?" She looked at him funny, "You mean your new roommate? He will be here as soon as he is out of recovery. We are just waiting for him to wake up from his surgery and then he will be here. Now if you don't relax and settle down I and going to tie you into that bed, and YOU young man, if you keep upsetting him, you are going to have to leave. Emmett nodded at her and sat down.

Jpov

Jasper was a storm of emotions. He wanted to be with Edward right then. He needed to know he was alright and that he wasn't suffering. He was angry that he had been hurt because of him. He was scared that because of this, Edward was going to break things off between them, and he was relieved that he was going to see him soon. " What happened Emmett, don't blow smoke up my ass either, give me the whole damn story." Emmett looked unhappy as he set the food in front of Jasper and gestured at him to eat it. "Well, the guys were all pretty fired up about what has been going on with you and all the bruises on you. I mean, fuck! Jasper, everyone has seen all the marks on you in the showers and we know that he was responsible for them. Training or not, nobody else is beat up like that, nobody else has had to put up with him just constantly pushing and demanding more of them like you have, and when you got hurt so bad, well…the guys decided that they had seen enough. I didn't do anything, but I didn't stop them either, and neither did anyone else Jasper. His own staff saw it go down and they looked the other direction until he was unconscious."

Jasper was stunned. Was it that clear to everyone but him that he was being brutalized? He didn't feel abused, he just felt like they were both caught in a difficult situation and maybe Edward was handling it in the only way he knew how. As the door to the room swung open and a gurney came rolling in with a semi-conscious Edward on it, the words that Edward was mumbling left him believing that in spite of the rough treatment, he really did care.


	16. Chapter 16

JPOV

Jasper was horrified at how battered Edward was, he was angry that such abuse had been inflicted on Edward, but he was also confused by what Emmett had brought to his attention, he, himself was physically a wreck and as much as he loved Edward, as much as he craved contact with him and the stolen moments they had together, it was exacting a brutal toll on his body and soul and perhaps it was karma that had inflicted some of it back on Edward. As the gurney rolled into the room, Jasper and Emmett were surprised to hear Edward muttering Jaspers name, Emmett gave Jasper the raised eyebrow as Edward said Jaspers name and , "So good, soo damn tight" along with "Harder" , and most shockingly, "God!, Love you so damn much" several times as he was being transferred to the bed by the orderlies and the nurses. Jasper colored deeply red and coughed, trying to cover Edwards ramblings, but Emmett, was the one who turned up the television and created enough of a distraction that Edward stopped talking until the orderlies left the room.

EMpov

Emmett didn't need to hear that. He was embarrassed enough by the sex talk, but to hear Edward say he loved Jasper? That shocked him, and by the look on Jaspers face he was pretty damn shocked too. He wasn't sure the guy could be held to task for things he said under meds, but Emmett believed that when peoples guards were down was when they tended to be the most honest about where things really stood, so he hoped like hell that the cold-hearted bastard was actually in love with Jasper, because he needed to have something on the line. Jasper looked like he was about the climb out of the bed to be near Edward, so Emmett gestured at him to wait until the nurses finished getting Edward settled in the bed and actually left the room. Jasper fidgeted, anxiously glancing back and forth between Edward and Emmett, as the nurses adjusted Edward in the bed and arranged his monitors and IV's, studiously ignoring Jasper and Emmett as they went about their tasks. When they finally finished, one of them turned to Jasper and said, " He will be mostly out of it for a while, so if he needs anything, would you do him a favor and call for me?" Jasper nodded at her, wishing she would just leave. She looked at him with a knowing look and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

JPOV

Jasper sat up carefully, trying not to rush so that he didn't get another head rush and end up either puking for passing out again, he looked at Emmett with a plaintive expression until Emmett came over an helped to lower the side rail on the bed and stood by to help Jasper if he became too unsteady on his feet as he made his way to Edwards bedside. When he reached him, the first thing he did was touch his face, but Edward was deeply out again. Jasper was able to survey the amount of damage inflicted on Edward and it infuriated him.

"Jesus Emmett! Why didn't someone stop them? This is insane! No one deserves all this! He is going to blame me and hate me when he wakes up!"

Jasper stroked Edwards cheek gently and then he pulled back the blanket to assess the rest of the injuries. He knew that the taped ribs meant most likely broken ribs, and that the blood in the catheter bag meant badly bruised kidneys, but the knee…that was horrifying. The frame with the screws extending out of it meant that Edward had a very serious break and that things were not going to be right for a long time. That impacted not only Edwards career, but also their time together. Would Edward even want to be with Jasper if he couldn't be WITH Jasper?

Epov

THAT was some good shit! Okaaay, so we are going to the room now? Good! Im gonna go back to sleep for a bit while you drive. So we are there? Good! Oh that feeels good! When did he get here? Ugh! Yeah! I have missed that! "Soo damn good! mmm, yeahh Jasper! Dammit! Yeah! Im gonna let you do that more often. You are good for me, to me, I fucking love you, dammit!" Wait? what the hell is that noise? Fuck it, im tired, im going back to sleep, him rubbing my head is like the best sedative ever. Makes all the damn stress go away.

Jpov

Edward groaned a few times in his sleep and Jasper stroked his head to try and soothe him as he restlessly shifted in the bed. His eyes opened and he focused on Jasper for a moment.

"Hey you, they put you in the same room with me for now." Jasper didn't know what else to say, it was pretty clear Edward was still really doped up as he blearily gazed around the room, but he was seemingly aware enough to catch Jaspers hand as he said, "Im sorry."

Jasper felt like he stopped breathing for a moment as Edwards eyes slid back shut. He didn't know what that "Sorry" meant, but he knew it made his blood run cold. He looked at Emmett, and tried to put on a brave face, but Emmett saw right through him.

"God Dammit! Jas, if he thinks he is going to bail on you now then he has another thing coming. This is bullshit!" I will pull that damn catheter out of him and re-insert it rectally. Oh wait, he would LIKE that, so I will just have to settle for ripping his dick off."

Jasper shushed Emmett and started back towards his own bed on unsteady feet as Emmett got up to help him back over. He laid back in the bed, staring up at the ceiling as Emmett paced back and forth at the foot of the beds like an angry bull.

"Jas, man! This is insane. You guys think you are some big secret, but you would be surprised how many people suspect that he bats for the home team. Rosy suspects he's gay, has for quite a while and I am getting a bit tired of running interference for him. maybe its time he got outed? It would be good for both of you if he was finally forced to be honest with himself about who and what he is. I don't give a fuck about what he thinks the rest of the department is gonna think about him or you. People LIKE you, but they fucking hate his ass for what he has been doing to you. Hell, Gunny looks like a goddamned saint compared to him when it comes to how he treats you in public and that's not right.

Jasper laid back against the pillow and closed his eyes, trying to not think about all the drama that was going on in his life at the moment. Edward was going to be something he was going to have to deal with, but all he wanted to do was go to sleep and not think for a while. " Hey Em, Im gonna crash back out for while okay?" Emmett got up and put the side back up on Jaspers bed as Jasper lowered it back down to a comfortable sleeping level, " Yeah, man. Its okay. You get some more sleep and I will bring you some more food tomorrow and hopefully they will have some idea of when you can get the hell out of here and back home."

Jasper rolled up on his side so he could look over at Edward, he was struck by how much that just seeing Edward made his heart ache and he realized that he was completely and totally in love Edward. That was not a position he was sure he should have allowed himself to fall into, and as he drifted off to sleep he resolved to regain some control of not only himself, but of the situation before he ended up even more hurt than he already had been.

Edward awoke several hours later to a dark and quiet room. He was unable to see who was in the room with him, but he could hear someone faintly snoring. He was thirsty and his knee was starting to ache, so he started looking for the call button so he could call a nurse in to give him some help, but of course just as he found the damn thing, it slipped out of his drugged hands and slid off the side of the bed and crashed to the floor with a loud clatter, causing the person in the next bed to start awake like they were being shot at. It dawned on Edward as he saw the man lunge towards the floor, that his roommate was none other than the person he had put in here.

JPOV

Jasper was sound asleep one minute, and the next it was like he was back in the war. He didn't know what had happened, but he had reacted and he was prepared to fight. His head was spinning and he had no idea why he wasn't dressed in anything other than a gown, but he hit the floor and began seeking cover in the dark as well as a weapon with which to defend himself. He shook his head to clear the dizziness that seemed to be affecting his ability to see and think, as he heard someone saying his name, "Jasper! Jasper! Its okay! Fucking HELL! Jasper!"

The man in the bed was calling his name, so he belly crawled over to him, checking along the way for injured or weapons. He crept up the side of the bed, "Are you hurt? Be quiet and I will get you out of here." The man reached out and grabbed his hand, and pulled him up tight to his side. "Jasper! Jasper! Listen to me! Its Edward, you are okay! It was just a control that fell to the floor. Please! Jasper! Come back to me. Come on, Right here…Look at me! Edward kept his grip on Jasper while he reached over and began stroking Jaspers face, speaking softly yet firmly to him, trying to pull him back from wherever he was. Jaspers breath was rapid pants and he was rigid against Edward initially, until at long last he relaxed and Edward heard him say, " What happened?"


	17. Chapter 17

Epov

Oh Shit! In all the time we had spent together, Jasper and I had never actually spent the night together all night, so I had no idea what the hell he was like when he was actually sleeping. Apparently my boy had a little bit of PTSD going on! Pretty damn interesting that the initial psyche evaluation for the department hadn't picked this shit up when he had tested for us. He was shaking like a leaf and it was all I could do to hold him against me as I tried to get him to come back to himself. When I finally heard him ask, "What happened" I hugged him up tightly and tried to make sure he was good and calmed back down. "I dropped the damn call button on the floor and it startled you pretty bad."

He was still shaking pretty hard and I kept stroking his head and trying to soothe him, "Jasper, do you think you could hand me the call button, my leg is starting to hurt pretty damn bad and I guess the nurses have forgotten about me or something"

He nodded and slowly reached down and picked up the control off the floor, handing it to me so I could push the call button.

Instead of coming in directly, the damn nurse came over some speaker with a crackly voice that made both me and Jasper about jump out of our skin. "Yes, what do you need?"

"What do I need?" was she fucking crazy? I had gotten my knee sliced and diced, I was stove up in a damn bed with tubes in all kinds of bad places and she asked my "What I needed?" I growled at her, "I need you to get your ass in here, my roommate has fallen out of his bed, my knee fucking hurts and I need you to do your damn job!"

Apparently after she heard me say that Jasper had fallen out of bed, she had bailed on the other end of the speaker and her and the rest of the cavalry were on their way into the room. I was hardly done talking before the door came flying open, causing Jasper to jump again, and the nurse and a couple of orderlies came tearing into the room. They did an almost comedic slide stop when they saw that I had a hold of Jasper, and he was warily looking at them like he was going to fight. I started talking to him, low and fast.

"Jasper, its okay. They are good guys and they are going to help get you back in bed. Its okay!" He was still wild eyed and tense, like he wasn't all the way relaxed yet, so I kept a grip on his hand.

Screw it. If anyone figured out we were together, then fuck it. He needed me right at that moment and if I didn't get him back to himself, someone was going to get hurt and I didn't want it to be him. I reached up with my other hand and started stroking his face again, talking to him sweetly, trying to get him to looking me in the eyes. His eyes kept flitting back and forth between the orderlies and the nurse and me, but they were slowing down. I saw the nurse had gotten a syringe and I knew they were going to sedate him, but it was for the best until we figured this new wrinkle in the situation out.

I held his hand as the nurse approached him, speaking softly and comfortingly to him. He began apologizing to her and was cooperative as she injected the sedation into the iv port that was still in the back of his hand. The orderlies cautiously approached and helped him back into his bed. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillow as the nurse got on the phone and called the doctor, updating him on what she had observed.

"Has he done that before?" She started grilling me like I had known him his whole life. "I don't know, you need to call McCarty" I gave her the number and she quickly called Emmett up, and interrogated him with the skill of a seasoned investigator. Her face was grim as she hung up the phone. "Apparently he has some issues with being woken up suddenly, but nothing ever as dramatic as that. The Doctor is ordering another scan of his brain to rule our a bleed, but it appears he is having some issues. We are going to put him in restraints for his safety, and that is not going to make him happy because I am going to have to recatherize him.

She glared at me as she told me all this. Fucking hell! I am not his "Next of Kin" so why do these nurses feel the need to share all this shit with me? I reminded her that I needed something for my knee and if she would be so kind as to get the tube out of MY dick I would really appreciate it, but she just huffed at me and said, "Right now he is my priority. I am going to get his tests ordered and get him handled and comfortable and then I will get you taken care of. Someone will be in with your pain medication in a few minutes, so just relax, Mr. McCarty is on his way to sit with him, so you will be able to sleep. One of the orderlies returned with the restraints they were going to use on Jasper, and my heart clenched as I watched them slip the soft cuffs over his ankles and wrists. I was glad he was unconscious, but I knew he was going to be traumatized.

I couldn't even watch as she recathed him. That was horrible, and the entire weight of everything he was going though hit me and I realized that I was responsible for every single thing he was going through and I deserved the pain I was feeling. I laid there crushed in the realization that I was a monster. Jasper had done nothing but give to me, and I had taken and taken, leaving him reliving trauma from his past and caught in the hell of his current life that was one seemingly constant stream of what was quite frankly…abuse.

Empov

Emmett wasn't surprised when the call came from the nurse about Jasper finally snapping, he had been expecting some kind of blow-up for awhile. Jasper had been pushed for so hard for so long that he knew he was at his breaking point, he was just surprised no one had been seriously hurt. As he gathered up a few things to take with him so he would be prepared to leave from the hospital to go directly to the academy in the morning, he worried what impact Jaspers revelation would have on his career.

When Emmett arrived at the hospital, he was infuriated to find Jasper restrained and he immediately began untying him as the nurse came in and started to argue with him. "Look, he is a danger to himself and others at this point! Those are for his safety!" Emmett glared at her, "I am here for his safety and if there is any problem, I will handle it. Now leave us the hell alone!" Jasper had started to stir as the argument ensued and he came around as Emmett was untying his ankles, but before his wrists were undone, and he came unglued.

The shouts of rage that came out of Jasper were completely unexpected. He raised straight up out of that bed and I swear I thought he was going to snap the restraints they had on him. The nurse hit the call button and called for back-up to get in right away and for them to bring in sedation. I saw Emmett look at her incredulously as he practically laid across Jasper to hold him down. "Wait just a fucking minute! What the hell did order for him? Have you BEEN giving him that? He is fucking sensitive to that and it makes him psycho! No wonder he is freaking out. Jesus Fuck woman! Call that doctor back and get something different, but not in that same family. it's a freaking wonder he hasn't jumped out the God damned window if you have been giving him that shit. Its in his military medical records!"

The nurses eyes cut at Emmett, "I have not seen his military records!" Its not noted anywhere in his charts that he's sensitive to Morphine and that damn information would have come in handy a while ago, that explains a hell of a lot!"

She got back on the phone with the doctor as Emmett held Jasper down and talked to him, trying to calm him and get him to stop fighting the restraints, but he was yelling himself hoarse, pulling against them, fighting with all he had, trying to get free. Another nurse came running into the room with a syringe full of medication and she injected it into him, and all of the sudden he went limp, as if he had been stunned, though he continued to gasp, as if the very effort he had put into getting free had been like running a marathon.

A fucking drug reaction? Holy shit! As if he hadn't been through enough? Now they dope him up with the one damn medication that makes him crazier than a shit house mouse. Emmett made sure Cullen was paying attention as the nurse explained all that. That Jaspers nuttiness was not Jasper being crazy,(though he does have some issues), but that he was doped out of his head on something he was allergic to.


	18. Chapter 18

The nurse hustled out of the room to consult with the doctor about the all out anarchy that was taking place in the room where Jasper and Edward were ensconced, and before to long a contingent of nurses and physicians came filing back into the room to speak with Emmett and evaluate Jasper once again.

More blood was drawn, as well as other fluids, and the physicians gave him a thorough going over to make sure that he hadn't reinjured anything in his thrashing about. He appeared to be in acceptable shape, but with everything that was going on and the desire for more tests, the doctors decided to keep him for a few more days.

Epov

Well that was more excitement than I needed right after getting my leg chopped up and getting the crap kicked out of me by some of the biggest goons we had in the class. McCarty finally flopped down in the chair in between the two beds and I figured I better get what intel out of him I could before my pain meds kicked in.

" So what the hell happened after I got jumped?"

McCarty glared at me like he wanted to thump on me some more but he finally answered, " We had to finish out the day in class, so I didn't get here until after end of class. You were in surgery and he did not take the news of you getting hurt very well. In case you failed to realize something, he kinda gives a damn about you."

McCarty emphasized the "YOU" like it was an accusation, as if he was saying that he believed Jasper cared about me and I didn't care about him. I rolled my eyes at McCarty, and he stood up and came and stood over me, (did I ever mention he is a huge and pretty intimidating son of a bitch?), "Listen here SIR, You can fucking roll your eyes all you want, but I have seen the mindfuck you have been doing to him. I have been the one dealing with all the pain and hurt you put him through, and I have seen all the bruises and injuries you have inflicted on him. I have stayed out of it because he has asked me to, but I am damn sick and tired of seeing him get hurt over and over by some repressed closet case that thinks no one KNOWS. You are soo fucking wrong about that, by the way. More people know or suspect about you than they do about HIM, so you need to get the fuck over yourself and start treating him like he deserves to be treated before you get your ass in a world of hurt for being such a class A bastard to a guy that people around here love and care about.

McCarty was leaned over, right in my face, growling those words out with as much venom and anger as I have ever heard him use, but softly enough that they didn't wake Jasper.

I was pretty damn close to shaking as I looked up at McCarty, I knew he was beyond pissed off and fully capable of putting me a world of hurt, but before I could say anything to either argue my case or defend myself, I heard Jaspers voice.

JPOV

Jasper felt like hell again. Not only did his head ache like he had been smacked again, but his whole body hurt like he had been in a fight and he was queasy as hell. He could hear voices in the room, and he recognized one of them as Emmett.

He wanted to sit up a little and get a drink, but when he opened his eyes, he realized he was tied down and the controller was out of his reach, but alarmingly, as he looked over to see what was going on with Edward, he saw Emmett leaned over Edwards bed in a way that could only be threatening.

"Emmett! Please stop! Leave him alone." Jaspers voice was barely audible he was so hoarse from his shouting earlier and the dehydration.

Emmett jumped as if he knew he had been caught being bad, and he gave Edward one last glare before he turned to Jasper with his typical dimpled smile.

"Duude! Its about damn time you woke your ass up without trying to go all super ass kicking ninja on everyone." Jasper looked at him confusedly. "Jas, they gave you a morphine based drug and you went ape shit on them."

Jasper groaned, " Oh shit! My records didn't get transferred did they?" Emmett shook his head and grimaced, "No, they didn't and you need to have a damn medic alert bracelet or something on you in case this happens again, it was pretty damn bad this time, and in case you haven't noticed, you got your ass tied down and recathed for the fun of it."

Jasper lifted up the sheet and groaned, "Son of a bitch! Can you untie me the rest of the way and call the damn nurse in so she can get this damn thing out of me?"

Emmett quickly undid the rest of the restraints and handed Jasper the call button, though he suspected that the nurse was probably going to take her time responding due to the fact he was still in the room.

Epov

Jasper seemed more like himself after whatever they had given him had been cleaned out of his system by that other shot. He was working on sweet talking the nurse into coming back into the room to take the catheter out of him, I damn sure know I wish I could get the one out of me, but considering I was not long for the land of awake, I didn't figure it was going to be today. The damn pain medications they gave me were strong as hell and I was feeling no pain as the nurse came walking back in. I wanted to talk to Jasper, but with all the excitement that had gone on in the last few days, I was afraid it was going to be a few more days before we got to have any sort of a private conversation. I had no idea what the hell as going on with the department or anything else, though I hoped my critters were being taken care of.

Jpov

Jasper looked over at Edward as the nurse went about the business of removing the cath once again and getting him resettled in the bed. It was pretty clear that Edward was deeply out again and Jasper realized that he had no idea who was taking care of Edwards animals. He knew that Emmett, while loathing Edward, had a soft spot for animals and would help if he was asked, so that is just what Jasper did.

"Em, could you please, check with the sheriff or with Gunny and find out if someone if taking care of Edwards animals? Please? For me? He has horses and a dog that depend on him and if he is going to be stuck in here for a few days, they will need water and food and someone to check on them. Could you please make sure someone is doing that, for me?

Empov

Em growled in frustration. Jasper knew he wouldn't turn down a request to help animals, even if they were Edwards, and he also knew that he wouldn't leave Jasper in the hospital sitting in there worrying for Edwards sake. 'Sure Jas, I will call Rose and see if she knows anything, and if she doesn't, then I will find out from Gunny or the sheriff and if no one if doing it, I will take care of it until he is up and about.

"Thanks Em," Jaspers response was heartfelt. He was genuinely worried about the horses and Edwards dog, and he knew Edward would be beside himself with worry about them when he woke up and realized he had been out for close to a full day.

EmPov

Em realized that it was getting late and he had to get a move on if he was going to end up playing rancher out at Edwards place before it got full dark. He assured Jasper one more time he had it handled and then he headed out, calling Rose as he headed down to his truck.

He wasn't happy about the situation with Jasper and Edward, but he hoped that with them being stuck in the same room together in a somewhat controlled environment, as well as the fact that Edward was pretty crippled up and unable to inflict anymore real physical damage on Jasper for the time being, maybe they would sort some things out and talk about things.

Rose was full of wonderful news for Emmett, not only was the Gunny already taking care of Edwards animals and his ranch, she was planning on coming over to the apartment and taking care of him! It had been a long and stressful day, but it was going to be a much better evening he was sure of.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N This chapter is shorter because the boys haven't been talking to me as much lately. I usually like to stay at least 6 chapters ahead of the game, but I am now resorting to writing as I post, which I consider to be very amateurish and unfair to my readers. If I cant get my act together enough to put at least 3-4 chapters to rest by the end of this next week, I will most likely put this story on hiatus for a little while. I haven't been getting as much feedback lately, so I am thinking interest is waning, so rather than sacrifice the quality of the story, I will just take a break and wait for my muse to come back. Its not set in stone, my writing muse is a fickle bastard, so I may be able to get back on it this week, but if not, I will let those of you still reading, know what is going on.**

Exhaustion had settled over Jasper again fairly quickly after Emmett had left, and with Edward already deeply asleep due to the pain medications, he saw no reason to even to attempt to stay awake, so he followed soon after into a deep and somewhat restful sleep.

Epov

Trying to sleep in the damn hospital is never an easy thing. I don't know how the hell they expect you to recover when they are waking you up to take your blood pressure and poke and prod you as well as ask you all kind of stupid questions when you are trying to rest, it all seems to just go counter to what they are supposedly trying to accomplish.

I had been sleeping pretty damn good until around 0430 when some sadist decided to come in and deliver what they consider to be breakfast. There wasn't even any coffee on the damn tray! Who in there right or very damn wrong, mind would think a grown assed man, let alone a cop, would want orange spice hot tea?

Jasper was beginning to wake up and I knew the time to talk was coming. I hoped we would have some peace and quiet so we could actually talk without an audience. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him. I cared about him, I hoped he knew that, but I had warned him from the beginning that my career came first.

This was getting so fucking complicated. I didn't know if I could handle that. He was a great guy. He was so damn giving and in reality probably was everything I needed, and he had been so willing to put up with my bullshit.

"Hey, You awake? Jaspers voice was really quiet and kinda raspy, he was laying there looking at me with a smile on his face and I didn't want to do anything to make that smile go away.

"I'm awake, how are you feeling? "Like I got hit by a Mack truck. What the hell happened?" Jasper apparently couldn't remember much about last night, so I filled him in on the details as he shook his head and looked dismayed.

"Its my God damned fault. I relied on the military to get my records sent to where they were needed, I should have a medic alert bracelet or something so they will know. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Did I hurt anyone?"

"No, you didn't hurt anyone, in fact you were pretty determined you were going to save me. Jasper groaned in dismay, "Oh God! No wonder I am sore and worn out." He looked over at me and grimaced, "How are you doing?"

That was a fucking loaded question if ever there was one. I was waiting for the nurse to come in and get the tube out of my dick, and then I was supposed to hear from the guy who rebuilt my knee about how the hell I was supposed to get around with a metal cage banging into everything. "I'm alive, sore as hell even with the drugs they have me on, but I guess I will live."

Jasper looked like someone had just stomped on his puppy, "I am really sorry about that. I had no idea what was going on and if I had been able to I would have stopped it, you didn't deserve it."

"Hey, its not like you did it. Don't sweat it. We will figure this shit out somehow. I have a feeling we will have some time to talk and maybe sort some things out, unless of course, Emmett kills me in my sleep or something."

Jasper snorted, Emmett wouldn't be so subtle as to kill Edward in his sleep and he knew it.

EPOV

Maybe the time spent together in the damn hospital would be just what we needed to sort some things out. I knew he understood that things had to be kept under wraps, I just hoped that nothing else was going to happen to me, I felt like hell. I was going to be out of commission for about 90% of my damn job, and I had no idea how I was going to run my ranch when I couldn't fucking walk. Maybe I could get some help from Jasper until I was back on my feet.

We didn't have much time to talk before the parade of knuckleheads started. I was shocked to see the sheriff come in first and head straight to Jasper, glad-handing him and chatting him up like he was his new best friend. He told Jasper then and there that he had been selected to go full-time with the department and that he already had his first assignment, as soon as he was up and about. It appeared the High School job was on and Jasper was going to be sent in to try and infiltrate the drug gang that was dealing meth. I was both happy and worried. It was still 3 weeks til graduation and Jasper hadn't even had his Field Training, yet he was being thrown into undercover work? It was dangerous and though I knew it was likely to get us what we needed, I also knew that Japer could get hurt. I was losing my God Damned objectivity when it came to him and I didn't like it. He was not supposed to get under my skin. He was supposed to be a casual fuck when the mood hit. A kind of friends with benefits that I really didn't think about except when I was up in him.

JPOV

Jasper was as surprised as Edward by the sheriffs treatment of him. He had expected to be either put on probationary status as a cadet, or to have to make up the days he missed during the next academy rotation, he never expected to be told that he had already been hired to be a full-time officer, or that he was starting off undercover in a High School of all things.

The sheriff was very reassuring and supportive as any politician could be, and Jasper could tell that Edward was as shocked about things as he was. " Thank you, sir. I am looking forward to getting out of here and getting to work as soon as possible." He really didn't know what else to say, other than to ask if Emmett had been picked up as well.

The sheriff laughed and said, " I would be afraid to not hire Emmett! Rose would kick my ass or worse, and considering she runs things around there, God knows we want to keep her happy." Jasper agreed that keeping Rose happy was very integral to every ones survival, and honestly he was thrilled that Emmett had been hired on as well because he wouldn't have wanted to work for the department without Em around.

The sheriff gave Jasper a few more details about who he would be reporting to and where he would be stationed out of once he got though his initial orientation to how things were done on the undercover squad, but after he got squared away with his new team, he wouldn't be wearing a uniform or reporting to the main station for the duration of his assignment, he would be going to high school and essentially living as a high school student! This was going to complicate things beyond belief, but without the stress of the academy, maybe things would settle down enough for us that they would be able to sort things out.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N Hello, anyone still trying to read this. They have finally started sort of talking to me again. I cant promise it will be a regular conversation, so I dont know how often I will be able to post anything. I hated putting this one on hiatus, as its my favorite of all my stories, so I am trying to keep faithful to the characters and not rush it. This is a really short chapter, but I thought I would throw it out there to let you know they were talking again. There will be some dark, some light and some time jumps to avoid the tedium that is endemic in the world of Law enforcement. **

**Warning- There is hate speech in this chapter. Once again, if you have never heard any of this, you have led a very lucky and sheltered life. **

Time had flown past since the training academy incident. Jasper had started his undercover assignment and had virtually dropped out of sight of the rest of the department except on the rare occasions he attended a training or a meeting. Spending time together had actually become a little easier for us. With me banged up and unable to get around as well, he used the excuse of helping out around my ranch as the reason he was coming out to my place every weekend. McCarty was tied up with Rose most of the time, so he wasn't breathing down my neck about how I was treating Jasper, but things had changed between us. I still maintained my distance and ignored him or any mentions of him at the office, but when we were alone, I was able to let him know he was important to me and that I did, in fact give a damn about him. I didn't know what the future would bring, and I didn't know how in the hell we could expect to have any kind of life together, but as long as I was gimping around, he was able to come out and play farm hand and no one was the wiser, or so we thought.

Emmet POV

The Gunny suspected. You hear things in locker rooms and in training sessions and even at choir practice, that oddly named decompression session that often took place after a stressful incident where cops got together and drank until they couldn't see straight and commiserated about the scene that they had worked. It was during one of those booze soaked sessions out at the firing range that Emmett heard things that made his blood run cold."That lil buddy of yours is a faggot isn't he? I know you aint queer because you are hooked up with Rose, but that lil fella is as queer as a 3 dollar bill and I am willing to bet my badge Cullen is puttin it to him." The Gunny glared at him balefully as the rest of his crew silently regarded Emmett.

"I couldn't tell you, Sir. I keep my business to myself and he does the same." Emmett didn't know what to do, he was outnumbered and damn sure out gunned. The Gunny grinned and took another deep swig of his beer. " I always figure Cullen for a queer. He thinks he is smart and is hiding it, but I aint stupid, but we aint going to let them embarrass the department. That kinda stuff shouldn't be going on round here and we intend to put a stop to it. Cullen was normal til that lil queer come around, and I figure if we get rid of that lil queer, Cullen will go back to normal."

Emmett's blood ran cold. He knew that he really couldn't go to the command staff with this information. He had already seen that the Gunny was pretty much bullet proof for any of his misbehaviors, and though Emmett had lots of friends within the department, he was still considered a, "New Boot" and therefore at high risk for ending up at the wrong end of many of the bad things that could happen to new officers. He didn't want to risk his career or his relationship with Rose, so he made the decision to tell Jasper what he had heard, give him a "heads up" about the danger he and Cullen were in, but he knew trying to take it take it to anyone else would just result in denials on Gunnys behalf and he would be labeled a, 'Snitch", but the men he worked with and counted on to cover his back in dangerous situations. He would tell Jasper and Cullen and let them know they needed to watch their backs, but he was stuck between a rock and a hard place when it came to trying to do anything else about it. Lives were now on the line, he could only hope that he was able to get the word out in time and protect his buddy as best he could, while covering his own ass and preserving his new life.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N Told you the boys were talking to me a bit, I just wasn't aware they were going to be soo, uhh...tense? Anyway, this is a bit of what is going on with just them. There is a bit of perspective jumping and I know some hate that and whine about it, but if you don't like it, there is a little x in the corner for just that reason. Im an amateur writer without a beta. I just write whats coming out of me and I do my best to make it make sense.I hope you guys like this one. Time is going keep jumping forward pretty quickly, with these chapters. What went down didn't happen overnight, it took a few years to develop so if that's confusing, I thought I would let you know that this is about 7-8 months after the academy incident,(knee replacements in older men take a hell of a long time to heal when the older man is a stubborn ass), so that's why he was on pt for so long. **

**Thanks for the reviews, I loved and appreciated every single one of them.**

Life was good for Jasper. Well, as good as it could be pretending to be a high school student 5 days a week and then spending the nights not only doing homework, but writing reports about any activity that had gone on, or reporting in to the commander of the squad he was working with. He was so far undercover that he had even been harassed by the school resource officer who seemed to just dislike him on principal, and he hated to even think about the bullies that seemed to enjoy trying to make his days a living hell. If they only knew the, "Boy" they were slamming into lockers and sucker punching in the hallways, was actually a 20 something cop who legally couldn't strike back against them because they were underage and protected, they would probably be pissing themselves. He just shook it off and pretended to scurry away as quickly as possible once they were done.

It was exhausting but rewarding work, the intel he was gathering on the distribution of meth through the local school system was going to lead to the take down of one of the biggest drug gangs in the city, if he could see it through and get all the players pointed out. The days stretched into weeks and then months as the case was being built. Jaspers information was proving valuable to the team, but his personal life was almost non-existent. He only saw Edward when he went to the ranch in the evenings to tend to the animals for him and to handle any work around the ranch that Edward himself couldn't handle due to his knee.

Their relationship had changed and Edward was more affectionate, but those moments were soo fleeting, that Jasper was getting frustrated.

**Epov**

"Dammit horse! Back the hell up off me and I will put your hay in your bin. C'mon!"

I could hear the frustration and stress in my boys voice. He was as worn as a old pair of boots and he needed a break after nearly 7 months of working the damn case he was on, but I had heard from the D.A. that they were considering sending him into the other high school and holding off on making a bust until sometime next year! I knew when he heard that he would probably lose his damn mind, but that's part of the job, you go where you are needed, and I think I am needed in that barn. No one, including him, knows I got released from P.T. and cleared to go back to full duty yesterday. I think its time I surprise him. I didn't even have to use my cane anymore and I figure when I come strolling up behind him and showed him up just how grateful I was for all his help, he would be a little less stressed out in short order.

Slipping up behind him usually wasn't a good idea, but he tended to relax a little more than usual when he was out at my place, and I was often able to get around his more difficult issues like being snuck up on or having someone wake him up from a sound sleep by touching him. He felt safe around me and that had taken months of work and not a few close calls to come to that point, and even so, I still didn't just up and grab him or make him feel like he was restrained or held down. Walking up behind him, I slid my hand up his bare arm to his shoulder to let him know I was behind him.

"Hey you!, I'm almost done here and then Ill be in to cook dinner." I stopped him from turning around as I slid my hands on around to his chest and came fully up behind him, bending down to kiss his neck. He froze and leaned back into me, trying to figure out what was different.

"Where is your cane! How are you standing here like this? You are going to hurt yourself." I stopped him from saying anything else by turning him around and kissing him like he hadn't been kissed in months, and while I had him distracted that way, I reached down and unsnapped his jeans and went fishing for what I had been missing for a damn long time. He was already half hard before I could even get a hold of him, and by the time I got him in hand, he was hard as a rock and gasping, so I figured it was time to give the new knee a try.

Backing him up against the stable door I kept kissing him and teasing him while I worked his pants down so I could get to him. I knew he wasn't going to last long, and as I eased down to my knees in front of him, pinning him in place with a palm in the center of his chest while I teased and tormented him with my other hand, I was happy to see the smile on his face. He had obviously figured out that my P.T. was over and he was reaping his rewards.

The guttural sounds that he made caused the horses to stop and look over at us for a moment, but then they went right back to eating their hay and ignoring what was going on, after all, priorities must be maintained. He was so lean and tight and sweaty, I knew that once he got his, I was going to reintroduce him to an old friend who had missed him in many ways.

Things had not been the same since we had been condemned to light duty and I was looking forward to showing him that I was still capable of making him feel as good as he did when we first got together. We had hardly gotten to spend any quality time just being a couple, actually in bed, waking up together or even making anything close to, "Love". Every time we had been able to get together it had been rushed and secretive and often even a little on the brutal side of just plain fucking that left us both sated, but also drained and lacking the emotional connection that we had actually managed to build over the months since the incident. I had come to realize just how much the little bastard meant to me. I guess you could say I loved him. We hadn't said it to each other, after all, we weren't chicks with dicks, we were men, and Marines and deputies, but we both knew it was lurking below the surface and that one of us was going to break and say it sooner than later. I was betting I was fixing to make him say it.

A long, slow lick from his chest down his abs, tasting the sweat and the taste that was just…him, left him shaking and staring at me with his mouth hanging open just a little, and I grinned at him as I teased him my tongue, flicking back and forth across the head of his dick as he groaned and tried to grab a hold of my head to get me to get down to business, but I wasn't ready to end it yet. I took a long slow lick up the side of his dick just to watch it twitch and to hear him whine low in his throat and then I bent down and tongued his balls as he slammed his head back into the wall, groaning out, "You are trying to kill me!" as I sucked on in and then another, rolling them around as his legs shook and he grasped my hair so hard it felt like some pulled loose. Reaching between his legs I grasped his ass and then drawing back I took the head of his dick into my mouth and running my tongue around the outline of it I teased him just enough to get him off balance before I took him all the way in and got down to business.

Jasper couldn't think too clearly. It had been months since they had been really able to do much physically due to Edwards injuries and Jaspers own recovery, and now, here Edward was, on his knees, in the barn sucking his dick for all he was worth. He was elated that it seemed the interminable physical therapy and light duty requirements were over and they could now go back to exploring the physical side of things. Jasper was lost in the moment and when he came, it was seemingly from his soul.

"I swear boy, you probably scared the neighbors horses with that yell." Edward grinned up at a slumped over Jasper who could barely keep his feet. Rising to his own feet, Edward began kissing Jasper deeply putting into each kiss, the emotion and feeling that he wouldn't speak. His hands running over Jaspers body, he stopped and looked Jasper in the eyes, the intensity of the moment getting to both of them as they realized that it was the first time in months they had been together whole, with no restriction, no injuries or other issues barring the way and they had an entire weekend to themselves.

"Stay here this weekend." It wasn't a request, it was a command and Jasper knew it. He knew they needed this time to just be with each other and to hide from the world and it s demands upon them that they hide who and what they were to each other. He nodded and ran his hand up Edwards thigh to where the bulge was pressing painfully against the zipper.

"Wanna finish this in the house under the A/C without an audience?" he nodded at the horses and the dog.

Edward grinned, "Works for me, lead the way."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N The story gets jumped forward pretty quick here, but like I explained, cop work is a lot of tedium with little excitement in many cases. This story ties into my other story,"Up Against the Wall and Spread Em" and especially, "Back Up Against The Wall-Strip Search" which takes you to where Edward and Jasper,(with a new identity), have relocated to someplace if you are bored and starved for something to read, give it a shot.**

Now that Edward was off light duty, it was more difficult to explain away the time they would spend together. Though it was not uncommon for senior officers to take on younger officers as protégés, Emmetts words of warning had quite a chilling effect on the budding relationship initially. Edward was startled that they were suspected, though he had been warned by not only Emmett, but by Rose herself that they were suspected of being involved with each other. He decided that the best form of defense was a good offense, so he decided to put gunny off the scent by speaking to him in the language that he understood.

I fucking hated going out to his place. Not only was it way the hell off the beaten path and looked like something out of, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", with all the piles of junk all over and half-assed torn down bunkers and junked vehicles all around, but 9 times out of 10 he would be drunk as a lord and out in the yard skinning some poor unfortunate critter that he had half-assed shot and most likely let die slowly before he started in on. He was a cruel son of a bitch and I hated dealing with him. I always kinda hoped we would get a call on him some day and we would find him out in the yard stiff as a board with some critter gnawing on him, but he seemed to just be too damn mean to die. Sure enough, I rolled up in his yard and hes out there with his damned shirt off, beer in one hand, pistol in the other, popping off rounds at one of the wrecks sitting on the edge of his yard.

"Hey there Capt'n! What brings you out to the ole hacienda today?" He dropped the pistol on the ground and started swaying his way towards me, I grimaced, realizing that it was his department issued sidearm that he had just thrown down in the sand.

"Hey Gunny, I wanted to talk to you about some of the new recruits, but if this is a bad time, I could always come back." I casually strolled over and picked up the weapon, checked to see it was empty and then stuck it in the waistband of my jeans, as he took another swig of his beer and attempted to light a cigarette.

'Oh no, no, no, it's a fine time. I got nothing going on today. Who you wanting to talk about?, Got any favorites in mind?" He leered at me in a way that told me all I needed to know, Emmett had been telling the truth.

"What do you mean, Gunny?" I schooled a blank look on my face for a moment and then tried to look confused. "All the new recruits are guys." I took a drag off my own cigarrett and looked at him, just daring him to say something.

"Really? Coulda fooled me with that lil Whitlock faggot. I don't see much of a guy there at all. Tell me something, Cap, you tappin that? I seen how that pup follows you around and looks at you. If you aint, he needs a damn lesson in proper respect and male behavior."

I had moved before I even realized it. He was on his back and drooling blood. I heard myself growling at him, "You lay one hand on any of my troops you sorry motherfucker and I will kill you! You are not one to go talking about respect or proper behavior! I swear to God you ever fucking imply anything about me or him ever again and I will make your life even more worthless than it already is, do you understand me you sorry son of a whore?"

I managed to stop myself before I killed him, but he was going to be uglier that he already was. I knew I had crossed a dangerous line, but it was already getting close to being stepped over and I was desperate to protect what I knew I needed in my life. I had to protect that boy, one way or the other. By Gunny opening his big mouth and throwing it at me, I had hopefully managed to send several different messages through his thick skull as I got up off of him. One, was that I was protective of my troops. Two was that I didn't allow anyone to trash talk me or my troops. Three that I wasn't afraid to kick his ass to prove a point. I left him laying in the dirt as I walked back to my truck, and I threw the pistol out into the bushes where it would take him days to find it.

The point had been made, but like a low dog in the pack that is always vying to beat the pack leader and take over, Gunny wasn't going to let it lie forever. He filed it away under debts to collect, and went about his business. He watched Cullen and Whitlock and he filed away every bit of information on them he could. He knew there would come a time, and when it came, he was going to be there to collect his pound of flesh from whomever bled the easiest.

Jasper and Edward went about their lives, albeit more carefully, but many in the department knew they were friends. Jaspers undercover detail did roll over into a second year much to his dismay, but during the summer he had to lie low while still functioning as part of the department, so he was put to accompanying Edward on trips to pick up equipment for the department and attending advanced training out of state. This was a boon for their relationship and they grew even closer and more inseparable.

At the end of the second year of the high school, the intel that Jasper had collected managed to almost single-handedly bring down the a major drug cartel and all the dealers that were operating within the schools in the district. He quietly moved from that detail into a regular squad and finally got to work as a regular deputy. He tried out for and made the SWAT team along with Emmett, and he participated in several department based shooting clubs along with Edward. He was a popular deputy that had earned his first stripes by the end of his second year and his Sergeants rank by the third. He was up for promotion to Commander at the middle of his fourth year and his relationship with Edward was comfortable and happy.

Emmett was getting married to Rose. In all actuality it was about damn time, after all, those two had all but been shacked up for the last couple of years and Rose had been worried more than once that she was knocked up, so when he came marching into the office one day with Jasper following after him carrying a cracked open shot gun, we all figured something big was up. He walked into her office, got down on one knee and with the entire office looking on, proposed to her. It was the first time any of us had ever seen her cry. She accepted and 6 months later we were watching the sheriff walk her down the aisle. Her and Emmett bought a nice place out in the country and set about trying to start a family while Jasper and I tried to figure out if he was going to keep his apartment or if he was going to buy a place out near me. The ranch next door to mine had been for sale for a few years and with some work it would make a nice place to connect to mine. If I had known then what I know now, I would have told him to just move in with me and we would have handled the rumors and comments as they came at us, because what came next nearly killed us both.


	23. Chapter 23

He had waited. He had bided his time. He and his cronies had kept their opinions to themselves and plotted their revenge for the slight against their leader, and as the old saying went, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold." and it was very cold. Over the years Edward and Jasper had gotten comfortable that their friendship was accepted as just that, "friendship", there had not even been any whispers against them in regards to an alleged relationship. They thought they were in the clear, and as they stood next to each other at Emmett's wedding, they casually slung arms around each other for the wedding photographer and smiled as they asked for a copy to be sent to Edwards house.

Gunny watched and slugged his whiskey, he knew the time was approaching. They had grown cocky and confident that he had let it go, but he hadn't let it go, oh no…he had plotted and planned and schemed along with his friends and he knew exactly what he was going to do, it was just a matter of the proper time.

He knew their schedules and routines, he knew when Jasper left Edwards and where he went after he left. They knew what he drove, that he tended to speed a bit as he left, and that he often stopped for a coffee on his way back to his apartment. In other words, Jasper had become a creature of habit and that was going to cost him dearly.

Who the fuck is calling me when I am trying to get my ass in the shower on a Monday morning? I know it wouldn't be Jasper, he just left here a few hours ago on his way in to the office, the sheriff is out of town for a few days at a conference, so it must be bad juju and I better drag my ass out of the shower and get it.

"Capt. Cullen? Sir, We need you at a scene ASAP. It appears that one of ours may have been grabbed by one of the cartels. Could you please get to county road 24B and Hwy 95?"

What the fuck? That was near here. I quickly began interrogating the troop that I had on the line, apparently a patrol car had been found in flames off in the ditch with signs of a struggle and blood all over the damn place. They were working on getting the fire knocked down to get the car number, but only one unit hadn't responded to an all call…Jasper.

"Issue out that all call again. Preserve the scene as best you can and limit the number of people in and out , we don't need any GodDamned looky loos running over everything. Keep the press back and set up a 100ft perimeter. Get ahold of McCarty and have him meet me there. Though I was panicking inside, I had to stay calm. His life depended on it, if he still was even alive. If he wasn't I needed to stay calm so I could make sure I got all the information I needed to hunt down the bastards who hurt him.

Things were good. Hell, they hadn't just been just good, they had been great. Emmett was married and happy. Jaspers career was on the fast track to making rank and he was well liked and popular with his squad and in the community. His and Edwards relationship had progressed to the point that they were together more than they were apart. Whenever there was a training or a conference out of town, he and Edward went together, and as a budget saving device, they always shared a room, but no one need know that they always shared a bed. They traveled together to pick up heavy equipment for the department and they had even managed to vacation together without attracting any attention,(so they thought), and they had developed a comfort level with each other that made them virtually inseparable. They had discussed the future, and what would happen when the current sheriff retired. Edward had always talked about running for sheriff, and that was his main reason for not coming out in the extremely conservative community, but they had decided that if he lost the election, they would look at relocating to a more open minded community where they would be free to live as a couple.

They had been mulling over buying the ranch next door to Edwards place as Jaspers new, "Home", or as an investment in case Edward didn't win the election and they decided to pull up stakes and relocate to the Northwest like Jasper had been trying to talk him into. They had spent the weekend looking at properties up in the Portland and Seattle area and they had even planned to take a vacation up there over the summer to see just what areas they liked the best. With progressive departments and large gay communities, they both believed that they would find a new home where they would fit, if Edward lost the election.

Jasper had tried to nudge him into just chucking it all and relocating anyway. They both had more money than they could spend, they would easily lateral into practically any department they applied for, and they were both tired of hiding who they were, but Edward stubbornly refused to give up what he saw as his hard won place in the community and what he saw was his rightful position in the department. It had been a bit of a sore point between them off and on, but it rarely created enough of a riff to result in any serious problems. Edward was agonizing over the fact he hadn't given in to Jasper and just pulled up stakes and left over a year ago when they both finally realized that what they had was a forever kind of thing, and now with Jasper missing and presumed kidnapped by people who meant him serious harm or even death, Edward was beside himself with grief and worry.

Jasper had never even seen the truck that had broadsided his patrol car, coming at him from the Cedar grove on the side of the road. The initial impact of the cow catcher into his drivers side door, knocked him unconscious and forced the car into the ditch. His seat belt saved his life, but he was seriously injured with broken ribs and a concussion as well as multiple lacerations. The men who jumped out of the 4 door truck didn't care about that at all. They quickly reached in across the passenger seat and cut his seat belt and then dragged him out onto the road where they kicked him a few times for good measure before they stripped him of his uniform, and then cuffing and hog-tying him with his own equipment, they threw his gun and badge and id in the car and set it ablaze, leaving the rest of his clothes laying in the road as a message to those who responded to the scene. They threw him into the floorboard of the truck and then speeding quickly away out into the desert, they left chaos in their wake.

The fire department had the car out by the time I got there, but in doing so they had washed away any potential evidence in the cab of the car along with contaminating the scene all around it with their foot prints and truck prints. I rolled up as parked back a ways so I could survey the entire scene from a distance. The car was shoved to the right with significant intrusion, so it was pretty clear it had been struck on the left at a pretty high rate of speed. The grove of trees was the most likely staging point for any attackers, so I grabbed my, 'War' bag and started walking up to the nearest officer to get a status report and to check in with whomever was the recorder for the scene.

'Capt'n! Glad you are here sir. The fire department just cleared the vehicle, there is no one in the cab or the trunk, though they did recover a gun and a badge along with the remains of a duty belt. It looks like they were thrown in after Whitlock was stripped outside of the vehicle, which is really strange for a cartel hit. Usually they keep the gun and badge as a trophy, and they keep the uniforms for trying to rip other cartels off, so this one has weird shit written all over it."

I didn't let the pain of everything I was hearing show on my face, I couldn't. I just got out a cigarette and lit it, trying to not let him see how my hands were shaking as I glared through my Ray Bans at him. "I want complete and total silence on this for right now. You keep those media rats away from here and if you see anyone taking any cell phone pictures of anything, I want that phone."

Walking up to the scene and seeing Jaspers clothes laying there in the road, along with his boots, tore my heart to pieces. The tech told me that they had finished photographing it in place and they were getting ready to collect it for evidence, "Ill take his wallet, its got his personal numbers in there and I will need them to contact his family." They didn't argue with me, as I put on a pair of gloves and pulled his wallet out and secured it in my chest pocket.

"You don't need to be told that this case takes the highest priority, am I right?" The tech nodded at me solemnly as he finished bagging Jaspers clothes. 'Sir, we managed to get some photographs of some boot tracks that were in an odd location, we have already eliminated the firefighters boots and are in the process of eliminating the other officers."

That gave me some hope that they were at least taking things to heart and wanting to work quickly. I knew that if there was even a remote chance of getting Jasper back alive, we would have to move fast and be able to respond at a moments notice.

You need to get another helper and follow me. I have a feeling that whatever hit him came from that grove over there, so I am going to walk over there and see if there is anything we can use. I used a tone that left no room for argument, and the techie hurried off to grab one of his buddies.

I was already most of the way to the grove, shooting pictures of the tire tracks that led out of the grove and towards the point in the road where they had intersected with Jaspers car. I had been dead on with my guess, they had been waiting on him. They knew him. They most likely knew us. I walked into the grove and found a small pile of cigarette butts and the pool of likely suspects got dramatically narrowed down, but I wasn't going to share that information with anyone. This was personal, and I was going to make the revenge just as personal.

Pain. His entire body was wracked with pain. He could taste blood in his mouth, and he sensed that his jaw was most likely fractured. He kept his eyes closed, he knew he was not with friends so feigning unconsciousness was his best bet to prevent further abuse. He knew he was in the floorboard of an older truck, he was naked, hog tied, cuffed and blindfolded. He could hear the voices of multiple American men, so he knew he hadn't been snatched by one of the cartels, which was a little less worrisome, but he had no idea who had managed to sneak attack him or what their intentions were other than to do him as much harm as seemingly possible.

We got him. We got the little faggot and he is going to regret the day he ever set foot in my department. He has no right to be wearing the uniform of my beloved department and he damn sure shouldn't outrank me, and if he wasn't fucking Cullen, he wouldn't. Well, lets see how much Cullen wants him when we get done with him.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N IMPORTANT! READ THIS RIGHT THE HELL NOW!**

**This story takes a very dark and brutal turn. You are not going to like what the hell happens in this chapter, but you need to know its based off of actual incidents and cases that I have either studied or worked. This kind of stuff actually goes on. Hate and ignorance is a powerful weapon. I have finally managed to finish this story and in its entirety its about 34 chapters long. It does tie into "Up Against the Wall" and 'Strip Search" so if you are worried too much and like spoilers, check in with them. The poor boy really is my favorite character/actor/whatever out of all of them, but he reminds me very strongly of someone who wasn't fortunate enough to have the means to escape the ignorance around him in a safe manner and it ended up costing him his life. I miss him every day. This story is dedicated to him.**

They were not on a regularly maintained road. Jasper could tell by the ride of the truck. The heat from the floorboard was starting to burn his groin and stomach, but he knew if he moved, he would make them aware that he was awake and he didn't want them to know that he was capable of hearing or understanding anything.

"Damn! They don't make faggots as strong as they used to, he's still out! I don't think we are going to get any fun out of this one at all." The men laughed as horror rolled through Jasper. He recognized that voice. Gunny. Emmett was right. Gunny had him and God only knew what he had in mind. He felt the toe of a boot roughly kick him in the butt cheek. "Ill just bet he's more awake than he's letting on. Pass me back that pig sticker and let me see if he squeals at all." Jasper began thrashing and trying to get up from the floorboard as the men burst into laughter. "See? I told you the lil bastard was playing us." He roughly grabbed Jaspers hair and pulled his head back, exposing his throat, "You better be still and quit your fit throwing. I wouldn't want any of your Aids infested blood to get all over then inside of my truck." He released Jaspers hair and shoved him back down into the floor of the truck, a sharp kick from the heel of his boot rendering Jasper unconscious once again.

When he awoke again, he was no longer in the truck. He was still blindfolded, but he was now hanging from something by his wrists. The cuffs bit into the skin and with his toes barely scraping the ground he couldn't raise up enough to take any of the pressure off of them. The pressure in his head was tremendous, and he knew he had a concussion, and from the sharp pain he felt each time he tried to draw a breath, he knew he had multiple broken ribs. His back felt like it was on fire, but he had no idea why that was. Gingerly moving his head, he worked to dislodge the blindfold.

He managed to shift it enough that he was able to get a look around the in the dim light of the sweltering room. It appeared he was in a garage or some kind of storage building. The cuffs were hooked over a chain fall and he was in the center of the room, over a grated drain. He could see work benches along one wall, and on the bench he could see a wide variety of things he didn't even want to contemplate the use of, including vise grips, knives, torches, and all manner of hammer and blade. There were several 55 gallon drums along the other wall, with the lids leaned up against them, and Jasper wondered which one his body would be dumped into before it was dumped in the desert. He had gone out on a couple of those recoveries, and though they had investigated and tried every means possible to find out just who the people were that had ended up inside of them, due to the advanced decomposition and the missing teeth, they hadn't had any luck. He hoped that his tattoos would at least lead Edward to know who he was if he was ever recovered.

He hadn't given up, but with the injuries he already had, unless someone really fucked up, he didn't know how the hell he was getting loose. He tried to see if he could get the assembly swinging enough to allow him to work the cuffs off the chain falls hook, but the pressure of his full weight on his wrists was just impossible, and with his already broken ribs and concussion, it didn't take much before he was in so much pain that he passed out again. When he awoke to being slapped in the face, it was dark and the person doing the slapping was wearing a mask. "Well there boy, cant go sleeping what is left of your life away now can you? You think you are soo fucking smart. You shoulda stuck with just being pretty, because you would made some rich old faggot a nice lil bitch ill bet, but you had to go and try to play tough guy. Jasper spun slowly, as the man circled him with a PR 24 baton. He knew he was getting hit one way or the other, that he was going to die one way or the other, and he had never been a man to beg for mercy, so he decided to make it worth it and maybe they would just get so damn angry they would fuck up and kill him quickly.

"So you think I'm pretty? You wanna fuck me? Is that what you boys do out here? Get together and gang bang each other and some poor unfortunate kid you happen to catch? At least I am honest about what I am." The blow across his kidneys stopped him from being able to speak for a few moments, and in spite of himself tears of pain welled up in the corners of his eyes as the man dropped the baton and grabbed the hair on the side of Jaspers head and pulled his face up, "What were you saying? Was that, OUCH!" Jasper heard a blade flick open and he stilled in spite of his resolve to force their hand.

The pain was excruciating as the man walked up to Jasper and jammed it first into the side of one knee and then the other and then he casually wiped the blood off on Jaspers shoulder as he leaned forward and said, "And the answer to your question is No, not each other. But that's not to say we wont make use of what's available." The sound of a stun gun crackling was the last thing Jasper heard before his world erupted into even more pain.

This time when he awoke, he was no longer hanging from the hook in the middle of the room, but his situation was just as ominous and he knew that what he had been told by the man who stabbed him in the knees, was probably about to be visited upon him. He was handcuffed, face down, spread eagled on a work bench, with his feet just off the ground due to his height. It was going to be bad. Even though he and Edward had been together for several years, he had only been with Edward, and he had actually done most of the topping, surprisingly. It seemed that a man who spent most of his life in control of everybody and everything, just liked to let Jasper run the show in the bedroom, so it had been he had only bottomed a handful of times, and always with preparation and love, none of which was going to be present in this room. He pulled at the cuffs, trying to find any slack or weakness that would allow him a chance to slip loose, but there was none.

"Wont do you any good, boy. No one has ever gotten loose, but you can try all you want. Kinda prefer you do, its more fun when they fight." In his position, Jasper hadn't been able to see the men seated on the tailgate of a truck parked in the space behind him. He still couldn't see how many of them there were, but he could hear them moving around as they set their beers down and discussed amongst themselves who was going to get first crack at him. Apparently it was going to be Gunny because he had the biggest ax to grind against Jasper. One of the men reached into the truck and turned on the radio as the Gunny walked over and set his beer down on the table next to Jaspers head. He grabbed Jaspers hair and pulled his head back, leaning down to whisper in his ear, 'Don't pretend that you don't like this , bitch. We all know that you do." He smashed Jaspers face into the table as the other men hooted and laughed.

Choking on the blood flowing from his nose and reeling from a sudden fist to the side of his head that left his ear ringing, Jasper didn't hear the buckle on the belt being undone, but he felt the condom wrapped dick being roughly shoved into him, and he gasped in pain. " Oh fuck, Yeah! You are a tight one. Don't tell me, YOU were fucking Cullen? Holy shit!" The other men burst out laughing as Gunny slammed into Jaspers small form, doing his level best to inflict as much pain and suffering as he could. He relentlessly pounded into Jasper for the few moments he was able to last, and then when he came, he reached down and cruelly grabbed and twisted Jaspers testicles, laughing as Jasper screamed in pain. "He's all tightened back up for you" He picked up his beer and stepped off, tapping his beer against that of the man who was going to be the second. This one was even worse than Gunny, being not only bigger, but obviously younger with more endurance and worse, he didn't even bother with a condom. If Jasper wasn't already convinced he was going to die, the implications of that would have left him gut-sick with horror. This man also enjoyed putting Jasper in an armbar and choking up almost to the point of being unconscious where he could have escaped the horror, but then letting off so that he was coughing and gasping for air, only to have the process repeat as the man pounded into him relentlessly, tearing him and mixing blood with the fluids that he soon left running down the backs of Jaspers legs.

The brutality continued long into the night, with bottles and batons taking the place of pricks when the booze finally robbed the men of their ability to inflict themselves on him anymore. Jasper had long since mercifully, lost consciousness, laying slack in the cuffs as the men carved things into his back. They took turns beating him like a piñata after they rehung him from the chain fall, gleefully relishing the sound of each cracking bone in his face or how his face swelled up after each blow was struck, rending him unrecognizable. The only dissent came from when Gunny went to castrate him, one of the men objected saying that it would leave too much DNA evidence and would also be a clear sign that they had ,"Messed with a guys junk" and he didn't want that to ever come out if he ever got caught, it didn't stop Gunny from taking the knife to him in other ways that did almost as much damage though.

Not expecting him to be alive in the morning, they staggered into the ratty trailer on the edge of the property and passed out. Jasper had been barely conscious for that part. He wanted to die by then, and he didn't know why they didn't just kill him, but he figured they would when they sobered up in the morning if he made it through what was left the night.

Two days. He had been missing for two fucking days. Emmett and I had been taking turns watching Gunnys place, but nothing appeared to be out of place, but then again how the fuck could you tell with all the shit stacked up around that disaster of a place. The tracking device I had managed to get stuck on his truck hadn't moved since he had left work the evening Jasper had vanished. That rotten bastard had supposedly been at a sub-station checking on some reports he had forgotten to turn in when Jasper went missing, and a couple of his cronies backed up his story, but I suspected they were in on it. We needed to find a good reason to be able to search his damn place, but the tests on the DNA found at the scene was going to take time to come back that Jasper didn't have. Emmett and I were ready to go in on our own and start checking every place that was big enough to stash a person, live or dead.

"Edward, look. We are just going to have to decide what is more important, finding Jasper or our careers? I know my choice. I have already talked it over with Rose and she was pissed that we hadn't already gone in. You know he took him. I know he took him. I say we go have an up close and personal chitty chat with him and find out where the hell he has him or what he has done with him. I know how to make him talk."

We were sitting on a ridge that overlooked Gunnys place, hidden from view and waiting for some sign of life. It wasn't too long after dark that we heard a truck start and we both tensed, watching the monitoring device to see if Gunnys truck was the one moving, but it wasn't and whatever it was left all blacked out, moving fast. "I'm calling it in to our guy down on the main road and he will do a discreet tail and then stop in town where there is backup." I just grunted assent at him. I knew Jasper wasn't going to be in whatever had left. All too soon we got the "All clear" call and the grim waiting game continued until just before sunrise when my cell phone went off.

"Sir, we need you to come to your property. Dispatch got reports of a suspicious fire out by your front gate about an hour ago and when fire responded to the scene , well. It would just be best if you got here as soon as you we able." What is it? 'Sir, I would rather not go into details with you by phone, but if you could come to your property and if you have a way to contact Deputy McCarty, I think it would be helpful." My hands went numb and I dropped the phone. I heard Emmett talking to them, but I only caught bits and pieces of it. He was dead. He was dead and they had burned him at my front gate. That was what I had gotten from the conversation. A body in flames had been found at my front gate.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N I felt guilty as hell about the reaction that some of you had to reading that last chapter. I forget that most normal people haven't seen or experienced the things I have, and many of you have no idea what Cops, Ems workers, Nurses, Investigators and sadly, those in communities that are considered 'Outsiders" experience. Life is fucking gnarly and ugly out there for a lot of people and PTSD is a fact of life for not only the victims, but for those who pick up the pieces. I still see the faces of so many of them when I close my eyes, smell the smell of burned skin, blood and hear their cries or that of their family and loved ones, and I probably always will. Its when I forget about them that I begin to think I have truly become damned. **

**I couldn't stand to leave soo many of you hanging and wondering. And to the person who wrote and said that someone wouldn't want to live? The human spirit and the power of love makes people capable of enduring things that seem unfathomable. He has a lot to live for, and sometimes we endure what we must because we are needed by others more than we suffer.**

So what's the plan, are we gonna can him or what? If we do and they ever do figure us out, we will get the needle for him alone because he's a cop. How about this, we let nature take its course and let him try and hike it back from out off the Devils Highway? We could burn some wetback to throw Cullen off the scent and while he's trying to mend his poor broken lil heart and figure out , we get rid of the mess where it will be picked clean before anyone is the wiser?

Gunny knew a point had been made. While they might be guilty of a lot of things, they had never taken anyone that anyone of note had missed before. Whitlock was damn sure going to be missed and Cullen already suspected him. They knew he was up on that ridge, his place might look like it was stacked up with junk, but it was also rigged up with sensors and all nature of alarms that alerted him to unwanted company. Cullen would be on them like stink on shit before they could even move even a hair of that faggot off the property, and if he saw the barrels then they would be good for the rest of the canned queers that had been found over the last few years. "Do it, make sure you get one that is close enough to Whitlocks build to keep him off the scent for a few days, and burn him good, you have seen the tatts and crap on him." The plan was made and the decoy left in the early hours to put the plan into motion.

"Edward, Edward! Look, we gotta go." Emmetts voice was breaking and his eyes were red. He pulled me to my feet. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to stay on them. We numbly walked down the back of the ridge to my waiting truck. I just stood there staring at sunrise, feeling the weight of Jaspers wallet in my chest pocket, the same place it had been since I had taken it out of his uniform almost 3 full days earlier. I couldn't believe he was gone, taken from me after all he had survived in his short life.

Its not him. "C'mon Edward, we have to go make sure. It doesn't look good. it's a young male, same size and build, and they need us to look at some tattoos." No! Its not him. it's a decoy. Something is up. We can relocate down the road a little ways and walk back in, you can drive on into the scene or whatever you want, but I know that bastard is up to something. They are either going to dump him in the next little bit, or he has something in mind.

We drove about a mile and a half down the road to an abandoned Bureau of Land Management road, and parked, watching the monitor. An hour went by and Emmett called the scene manager at my property and told them to seal off the scene and wait because I was unavoidably detained. They had no choice but to hold in place as the dot on the monitor that symbolized Gunnys truck began to move towards the desolate stretch of desert known as the "Devils Highway" at a breakneck pace.

Still alive, but barely, Jasper had been unceremoniously dropped to the floor of the garage and then loosely wrapped in a canvas tarp still cuffed to keep the blood and other fluids from leaking all over the back of Gunnys truck. He was then tossed into the back, of the truck like a gutted deer. Barely alive, he wasn't even cognizant of where he was or what was going on. He was dying.

They had a damned head start on us and it was going to be a bitch to catch them, but with Emmett driving, all that mattered was keeping track of where they stopped for even a moment, and sure enough, they stopped at a slight dip in the trail and then abruptly sped off.

'Oh fucking hell Emmett! Hurry up and get us there, they just dumped him. Emmett floored my truck and we rapidly reached the spot where they had stopped. I wasn't prepared. There was just no preparing anyone for what we found.

'Oh fuck, oh fuck oh fuck! Jay oh noooo!" Emmett didn't even hit the brakes good before slamming my truck into park and jumping out. I was right beside him with my emergency bag in hand, but I didn't know if it would do any good. We couldn't even hardly tell it was Jasper, if not for the tattoo on his hip that started it all, I wouldn't have been sure, because the tattoo he had gotten to match mine, had been cut away.

'Edward! You gotta focus! Help me get his airway stabilized! C'mon Goddammit! Get me the blanket out of your truck and we have to scoop and run with him or we are going to lose him. You are going to have to drive and call Alice, have her meet us at my place with a full trauma kit like we had discussed." We started just working as fast as possible to get him ready to move, he was so broken we didn't know where to touch him that wasn't going to hurt him more, but luckily he was unconscious and not feeling anything. Emmett got oxygen on him and one I.v. started before we even moved him, but as we rolled him to wrap him in the blanket, I saw the carvings on his back. 'Oh Jesus! Emmett! "Edward, Stop! We have to focus on just keeping him alive right now, everything else is secondary. Lets go and get him in the truck"

He was right, but I wanted to hunt down the motherfuckers that did this and I wanted to do all the ugly things to them and more that they had done to my boy. I reached a decision as we hauled ass to Emmetts place and Alice agreed to meet us there. Jasper was going to stay dead, even if he survived. He was never going to be safe here and he needed to leave. He was going to go to the Northwest and start over new. I didn't know if he had seen the guys who had hurt him, but if he testified to what they had done, he would be ruined as a cop in this town and we would be outed in the worst way, during a very public trial. He needed to leave for his safety because I had no idea how far this case went and I had no doubt in my mind that they would try for him until the got him.

We arrived at Emmetts place and Rose and Alice helped us to get him into the house. I had to leave to go to the scene in front of my place so the poor bastard that had been murdered and burned to put me off the trail could be removed and hopefully, eventually be returned to his family. The officer in charge was glad to see, and moderately respectful, leading me to believe that he at least wasn't involved in what had happened to Jasper. I made a show of looking at the tattoos I couldn't confirm or deny. I decided to wait and see what the coroner came up with. The condition of the body was unbelievably worse than Jaspers, with all the teeth missing and the face beaten in, hands missing and horrible wounds that indicated that torture had been inflicted with casual brutality. I prayed that the wounds were post-mortem, but I didn't hold much hope that they were.

Clearing the scene, I went to my own home to prepare to take Jasper to a hospital out of state so he could recover. With Alice's help I knew I could get him as far as San Diego, and I had more than enough money to ensure he was well taken care of and his anonymity protected. I called and set up everything, with the planned departure time of in the wee hours of the morning. I was devastated to be losing him anyway, but at least this way he would be alive and able to start over and maybe, someday, we would see each other again.

" He hasn't woken up, and as bad off as he is, I would consider that a mercy. He needs a hospital and he needs a trauma unit. He has infections in both knees from stab wounds, and he's going to need surgery on both of them to repair the damage. His groin injury is severe, I almost couldn't get a catheter in him and just cleaning the wound is going to take a surgeon. He has at least one ruptured testicle, and he is probably going to need a colostomy. We are hoping at this point his kidneys are just bruised, but what came out of him was almost pure blood, so I don't know. His head injury is severe as well and his GCS is about a 6 , if he recovers, he is going to be in the hospital for a long time. He needs extensive help that I cant provide him here. We need to get him to the hospital now, not later. If he stays here, he will be dead for real." Alice was stressed, and the look on Roses face told me that the afternoon that they had was filled with things that I didn't even want to contemplate.

Alice, he is going to a hospital, but not here. If they know he is alive, they will keep after him. The county is going to declare him dead, he is going to be dead for all intents and purposes. The only people who are going to know he is alive, if he lives, are in this room. Emmett, can we borrow your Blazer and your wife? We need to get him ready to go as soon as possible. I have a room ready for him at a private hospital in San Diego. He's going to be taken care of and then he's going to get the hell out of here. Emmett, we are going to need to pack up his place and put it in a pod so I can have it shipped to where he's going. We will need to drive his truck to San Diego as well so he will have a way to get around once he has recovered.

" Edward, that's assuming a lot" We don't even know if he will survive the trip out there. He is very, very bad off." Alice was somber and trying her best to keep me from getting ahead of myself. Fine! Alice I hear you, but I know him, and I know how he is. He will recover, so lets just get moving because the sooner we get him in the truck and on the road, the sooner they can get started on fixing him.

The dark tinted windows on the blazer accompanied by the high lift, made it nearly impossible to see inside the truck. That was going to be on our side as we had to go through town to reach the California side of the highway. With the body being found, everyone at the department assumed I was home mourning my best friend. I planned on a turn and burn trip to San Diego. We were going to slip out of town with him, drop him at the hospital and return as quickly as possible. I wouldn't be able to see him very much, but maybe that would be for the best. I was going to be losing him eventually if I was elected sheriff, and when I stayed to try and put a stop to Gunny.

The trip seemed to take forever. He was mostly quiet, but occasionally when the truck would hit a bump or shift, he would moan softly. We stopped outside of San Diego for gasoline and Rose took over driving so I could spend a few moments saying my goodbyes to him before we reached the hospital. It was hard to find a place to touch him where he wasn't hurt. His face was battered and bruised, and his eyes were swollen almost totally shut, but once, when I gently stroked his cheek, he opened his eyes and looked at me for just a moment. He tried to speak but with his broken jaw he could only mumble, so I told him what I had always meant to say out loud.

Jasper, I am soo sorry. You were right. We should have left. I am sorry. This is all my fault. You just focus on getting better and know this, I love you. I do.

Jasper heard him, but he couldn't really process what he was being told. His whole body was agony and he couldn't even think of his own name. He just closed his eyes and went back to sleep as the truck pulled into the hospital.


	26. Chapter 26

"What in the mother fuck happened to this man? He looks like 10 miles of bad road!" The receiving physician was in full rant as he quickly assessed Jasper, realizing that he needed all kinds of tests and more than a few extra pairs of hands. "I've got him, but I am warning you, its going to be expensive. If I can save him."

I don't fucking care, its not like I have anything else to spend it on. Just fix him. And make sure he isn't in any pain.

"What's his name? Who do I contact with questions and does he have any family?" They had discussed this on the way over, knowing that he would need an alias to keep him safe from the goons in the department tracking him down. Edward had decided to give him a name that would be easy for him to remember, his initials with Edwards mothers maiden name as his last name, so that night Jasper Whitlock died and "J.D. Hale" was born.

We are his only family. If you have any questions, call the number on the checks you are getting for keeping him alive and happy. I will be back as soon as I can. Please call me with the results of his surgeries. Just fix him. Make him as good as new, and for Gods sake, those things carved into his skin? Make as many of them vanish as you can.

Jasper didn't wake up for days. He was in such bad shape that he was kept heavily sedated so that the work to repair his injuries could be done while leaving him in as little pain as possible. Broken bones were set, torn places were stitched, and infections were treated. Edward didn't return. He threw himself into trying to find proof that Gunny had been involved. The DNA results had come back but they had no one to tie them to without getting a sample from Gunny, and that wasn't going to happen easily. When his phone rang almost a week after delivering Jasper to the hospital, he answered it with trepidation. Emmett had gone over with Rose to check on things and he hadn't heard anything for a couple of days.

"Edward, he's awake. You really need to come see him. Emmetts voice sounded stressed " "He's not dealing well with all the damage done to his body. The repairs to his groin and rectum went well, but he flipped out when he found the colostomy. He had to be restrained and we have him in soft restraints right now. He is also refusing to let us do plastic surgery to remove the largest word from his back. He remembers everything they did to him. Evidence was found that he was repeatedly sexually assaulted and though he has been started on a regime of preventative medications, he will need to be on a testing protocol for at least the next 6 months to a year.

We had been clean. We had gotten tested together and had continued to get tested together every six months the entire time we had been together. We had stayed faithful to each other,(a first for me), and we had enjoyed the benefits of monogamy. That had to have been devastating to Jasper, not only was he not used to submitting to bottoming, to have been forced and brutalized to the point that he required surgery to fix the damage had to have been horrifying. I just didn't know if I could handle seeing him so broken and devastated, or if I could face him with no results of my investigations.

We had no evidence against Gunny. Nothing to tie him to Jaspers disappearance, nothing to tie him to the body by my gate. Nothing to tie him to anything. Even if the DNA on the cigarettes were tied to him, all he had to say was that he was there writing a report or running traffic some time in the recent past. It looked like he was going to get away with it unless someone confessed.

I cant get loose right now. I'm working on the case and if I leave now I am worried that I would lead them to him.

"Cullen, that is bullshit and you know it! I have been here to see him several times with Rose, but he wants and needs to see you. He needs to know you are still there for him. Its crucial for his recovery. At least be man enough to come tell him you cant handle it, but don't leave him laying here in pain, wondering why you aren't coming to see him. It wasn't his fault, and he hung on through all that just too be able to see you, so don't you think you at least owe him a decent goodbye, if that is what you are going to do to him?"

I will come when I can. Don't guilt trip me about this. I know what I have to do and coddling him isn't going to make things better, it isn't going to catch the bastards who hurt him, its just going to get him all worked up and give him hope that he just come back here and pick up where he left off, and he cant. He needs to know he's got to leave because he has nothing left and if we give him any hope, he wont leave and he will die. Right now I haven't got a Goddamned thing on any of those bastards that took him, that means that they are out there and more than able to do it again or to just simply walk up and put a bullet in his head. He cant come back here. I cant leave yet, so he is just going to have to get over me and go. I will have him a place up in Portland when he is ready. Its been bought and put in his new name and his situation has been explained to my connections up there. He is essentially in a witness protection program, and if we keep in contact with him, we are going to put him in danger. I don't know how deep all of this goes, for all I know it could go all the way to the top, after all, there has to be a reason that Gunny has been able to keep his job all these years as well as covered for all the bullshit he has pulled. He needs to get angry and he needs to get motivated to want to leave this Godforsaken place and start over.

I hung up on the doc and sat there with my head in my hands. I knew I would end up going to see him before too long. I had to. I had to make him understand that he had to leave. Now that he was awake and going to survive, I needed to make sure he wasn't thinking he was going to come back here and do anything crazy. I had seen Gunny several times since we had rescued Jasper from his clutches, he smirked at me, knowing that he had won for now.

Jasper,(or J.D. as he had been told he was now named) was angry. He was restrained and every time he raised an objection to it, they sedated him back to sleep, saying that he was at risk of pulling out stitches or causing himself more harm by struggling and raising his blood pressure. He had tubes all over the place, cages that looked like something Frankenstein's monster should have around both of his knees holding them together, a bag where his guts used to be, and his thighs had been skint to repair his dick and his back. He was down a testicle, several teeth, and his jaw was wired shut so he couldn't even yell loudly, he could just make unintelligible growling noises that seemed to upset those working on him. Being restrained again had about sent him over the edge, and when his sounds of distress reached a fevered pitch and his blood pressure spiked to the point that they were afraid he was going to give his fragile brain a stroke, they sedated him and called in a psyche consult.

Weeks went by with small periods of alertness, where while his physical wounds were treated, his mental wounds were assessed, but he refused to talk to anyone other than to ask for Edward. He didn't eat. He simply lay there, allowing things to be done to and for him, not caring as his reconstructive surgeries were completed and the colostomy was removed and then the cages around his knees. He didn't object when a feeding tube was installed because he was refusing to eat and his weight loss had become so dramatic that there was no alternative. Medications for depression and sleep and were added to the pain medications, but they made no difference to the slight figure of a man laying tied to the bed in the private room. He just lay there day after day, staring at nothing, talking to no one, even his friend Emmett who came with his wife Rose to visit at least once a month until it became too painful for even them to see and they stopped coming. He was taken to a rehabilitation facility with locked doors and leather restraints where they began making him try to walk again. He didn't fight them, he didn't cooperate, he simply was.

He was sitting in a wheelchair in his room, tied in so he didn't find something to harm himself or try to leave. He was just staring out the window. It had been 6 months since he had been taken. Six months of hell. Six months of no word from Edward. Six months of feeling like he had been discarded like a piece of trash. He knew his tests had come back clear, and that he was close to being discharged from the hospital, but to what? His life was gone. His career was gone, even his identity was gone. He had been told he was in witness protection and that he was going to be relocated to Portland, but to what? What the hell was he going to do up there without Edward? That was their together plan.

He heard someone coming down the hall. He didn't recognize the footsteps, with the hard soles echoing on the tile floor. The nurses and techs as well as the doctors all wore soft soled shoes so as not to disturb the patients. The footsteps reached his room and stopped outside the doorway. He heard the intake of breath, and he knew it was someone who must have known him previously. Maybe Emmett had come to see him? It had been several months since even he had been by, and that hurt almost as bad as losing Edward. He knew he looked horrible. His hair was down well past his collar and lank. He was bone thin with a feeding tube still taped to his face because he still wouldn't eat, and a catheter still hanging out of him because he was restrained most of the time and wouldn't talk to anyone to tell them when he needed loose to use the urinal or anything else. He had been a less than pleasant patient lately and as such, he tended to get minimal care. He hadn't been bathed in days, so he stunk. He was left to his own devices, just sitting and staring out the window until noon when they would come and take him to physical therapy like he was an inmate.

Jasper?


	27. Chapter 27

They had to have sent me to the wrong room. There is no way in hell that pathetic mess slumped in that wheel chair, smelling like road kill, is Jasper. The docs told me that he had been, " Difficult" to deal with and that he had refused to eat and talk, but I thought they were exaggerating. I guess they weren't. From the back I could see he was wraithlike. Even though he had never been a big man, he was skeletal now, and it just looked like the life had vanished from him. When I said his name he hardly even reacted. I didn't expect much, maybe anger or resentment, but no reaction at all? That was horrible. Walking over to him I saw why, he was tied up like an animal. He couldn't have moved even if he wanted to, and it was pretty obvious he was getting less than optimum care even though I was paying through the nose for him to be getting the best. I walked back out the hall and yelled for the nurse and the doctor to get their asses to his room right away.

What the fuck is this shit? Why the hell is he tied up like a fucking dog and if he can walk, why does he still have a catheter in his dick? Why isn't he going to the john? Why the hell does he have a feeding tube? Cant he eat? You said his jaw and his gut was healed and working normally, so why isn't he eating? And is that a fucking DIAPER you have on him? What the fuck is going on here? What have I been paying you people for?

"Mr. Cullen! The patient is unresponsive. He wont eat, he refuses to move and he simply voids all over himself if we don't have him catheterized and diapered."

Oh bull-fucking-shit! He will get his ass up and he will begin taking care of himself, and you will be removing all this shit right now. You are keeping him helpless by keeping him like this, so get your ass in gear and lets get this shit off and out of him right now. I will be staying for the next week to monitor the situation and I want some damn progress. You people have had him in a holding pattern for months while you pad the damn bill, and it ends NOW! Edward reached down and began unbuckling the straps on the arm restraints as the doctor went to the hallway and called for another nurse to come and bring the equipment necessary for removal of all of the tubes and devices.

"I am going to go on record as objecting to this, I hope you know. I think this patient is a danger to himself and if not properly monitored, he could self injure or even kill himself."

Did I not just get done saying I was going to be staying here? Get a cot for this room. I have paid enough damn money to rate at least that, and if there is any extra expense, bill me for it! Edward finished unbuckling all the straps holding Jasper to the chair and carefully gathering all the tubes and devices into a bundle, he picked Jasper up and laid him on his bed so that they could be removed. Jasper just lay there, not responding or reacting at all, Simply staring at Edward until tears began rolling out of his eyes.

It almost broke me. Seeing him like that. Seeing how broken and defeated he was and how they were just neglecting him. I was angry at them, angry at Gunny, angry at myself, angry at him for quitting and angry at the fucking world. The tears rolling out of his eyes tore my heart in two and I wiped them away as gently as I could, telling him that he needed to wake up and come back to us. He needed to start living again. The nurses got all the tubes and crap removed from him and I asked them to bring me extra towels and linens as well as soap and things to bathe him with. He needed a bath and he was damn sure going to get one, and then after that was over we were going to work on getting him to eat something and hopefully talk, if he didn't talk to me before.

They finally left the room, leaving us in peace. He was laying limply on the bed, stripped and covered only by a thin sheet. I hadn't seen the full extent of all of the damage, but I could damn sure see how thin he was, and I was shocked at how light he was when I picked him up. The tears were still falling, and I looked into his eyes. They were full of pain and accusation, but no anger. I wanted to see anger, but after I got him cleaned up and eating something.

Oh Jasper, what the hell am I going to do with you? You cant just quit on me now. You have been through too much. Lets get you cleaned up and then we will talk, or I will talk and you will listen, since they tell me you don't talk anymore. C'mon, sit up for me.

I pulled him up to sitting position and it was like moving a boneless chicken. He just wasn't cooperating. Jasper, you know as well as I do that this needs to happen, so are you going to take a shower on your own or am I going to have to wash you? He didn't answer me and he didn't try to stand on his own, so I figured that was my answer. I laid him back down and walked over and locked the door to the room, and then walked into the ensuite bathroom and turned on the shower. I walked back and lifted him off the bed and set him in the chair beside it, as I stripped the bed of its smelly sheets. Guess I might as well kill two birds with one stone, huh? No response. Fine, you want to play it that way we will play it that way. I stripped off my clothes, and then picking him up like a baby, walked into the shower.

The water felt good on Jaspers skin. It had been months since he had gotten anything but a sponge bath and honestly he had longed for one. The contact of Edwards skin against his was also something he craved. Human contact from someone who wasn't paid to do something to or for him, someone who he thought used to care about him. As he lay there against Edward, he felt an ache in his heart begin to build, and it was going to manifest itself as something more than just tears, before he knew it, a sob ripped out of him and he was sobbing and gasping for air as Edward held him tightly to him, the hot water cascading over both of them.

I didn't know what to say. I just held him and let him cry. He needed to. From what the shrink had told me, he hadn't made a sound about anything since he had left the hospital, it was like he had shut down and just refused to process anything and until he did that, he wasn't going to begin healing the rest of the way. I let his legs down and made him stand, still holding him tightly to me, and I began to massage and wash him. He needed human contact, and he needed to know that while I hadn't been around, I still cared. Washing his hair was such an intimate thing, it had never been this long when we were together, and I liked it, and I hoped that he would keep it long when he got to Portland. I didn't know if he would want to go back to being a cop, though due to circumstances, and with a lot of string pulling, the option was open to him, so he would have to decide and if he was going back, the hair would be gone again, but if not, it was a look that worked for him. He would have to recondition himself and spend a few months working on physically rebuilding, but my connections had looked at his service records and in light of the crime against him and the on-going investigation into the department, had offered to lateral him in under his new name, so he wouldn't lose his rank, but he would have to re-establish himself and rebuild some connections.

He was shaking and unsteady on his feet, so I sat him on the shower chair, and continued to wash him, the hot water beating down on both of us. His knees were badly scarred, but the doc had told me that the surgeries had taken well and that if would cooperate with his pt he would be at 100% in no time at all. The skinned areas on his thighs where they had removed skin to graft onto his back had healed up pretty well. His package had suffered the most damage. They had gone in and removed the ruptured testicle, and then grafted his dick where it had been sliced and skinned, but it wasn't known about the function or the sensation he had retained. The scars were pretty bad, but nothing that would make him a monster. As I began to move the wash cloth towards that part of him, I saw his stomach muscles tense up, so I began talking to him.

Nothing like a hot shower to make a man feel human again. All those weeks I was laid up after my knee got crunched, that was the thing I enjoyed the most, those times you would help me in the shower. Those damn sponge baths just don't do anything for you. I put more soap on the cloth, and very gently and slowly I reached out and began to wash his package. He gasped and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the shower wall. I hadn't intended on feeling him up in the shower, but if that was what was needed to get some kind of response out of him, I would do it. Under my slow and gentle washing, he became just as hard as he ever did. I allowed the shower spray to rinse him and while he was still leaned back, I bent down and kissed the head of his poor abused cock. He softly gasped and I waited to see if he would allow me to continue, and when I felt his hand come up and thread his fingers through my hair, I knew he was giving me the all clear.

It didn't take long, or much effort, but it finally got him to make a sound. As he came he growled just like he used to. I sat back on my heels and looked at him. He sat there, slumped to the side, looking at me as the water beat down on us. Are you ever going to talk to me, Jasper? You cant just stop you know? You have to begin living again, even if it's a different life. I got more soap and went back to washing him, still talking to him about Portland and the future I had set up for him up there. I finished his front and then stood and lifted him to his feet, turning him around so I could wash his back. I hadn't seen the scars on his ass or how clearly the word, "Faggot" was carved into him, but I kissed each and every letter as I washed across them.

Jasper, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't save you in time. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get anything on that bastard yet, but I am working on it and he will fuck up and someday I will get him, but Jasper, you have to live and move forward. He was shaking again and I was afraid he was getting tired, but I realized he was crying again as his arms came up and clasped around me and a raspy voice choked out, " Why didn't you come see me sooner?"

Why hadn't I come to see him sooner? What the hell was I going to tell him? That I had been afraid of what I would find? That I couldn't stand to see him so broken and beaten or that I was afraid to face what might be an invalid? I didn't know. It was hard to see him that way and I was a coward when it came to facing seeing him so hurt. I still had nightmares about finding him, and in the dreams he wasn't alive. I made sure he was rinsed off and then I shut the water off. I managed to grab a couple of towels to wrap around him and then I sat him on the seat of the toilet while I dried his hair and myself off.

I was a fucking coward Jas. I was afraid of so many things, not the least of which was leading Gunny right back to you. I was afraid you wouldn't be you anymore, I was afraid that you were going to die, I was afraid you blamed me for what had happened, because I damned sure blamed myself. I failed you. I didn't protect you from someone I knew was a monster. I didn't take Emmett's threat seriously and I didn't do like you asked me to do and leave. I still cant because I want to get that bastard.

"Its not important. I survived. I'm alive. We could just leave and never look back." Jaspers voice sounded so defeated and broken, I knew that he had lost so much, but to lose his will to fight and see justice done? That made me even more resolved to get Gunny.

But Jas, what about the next victim? What about when he does it again? What about the kid that they burned at my gate so that I would think that you were dead?

He looked at me in shock then. "What are you talking about?"

Jas, they kidnapped some runaway the night before they dumped you because they got worried I was onto them. They murdered him, cut off his hands, destroyed his teeth and then set him on fire outside my front gate. The department and most people except for Emmett, Rose and Alice think it was you. You were declared dead 6 months ago, that is why you have a new name and identity. I dumped a bunch of bones in the desert where they dumped your body so that when Gunny and them when back to check and see if you had been found, they would think they had succeeded. You have a do over. That is why I have been telling you about Portland. You own a house up there now, and your things are already up there. Emmett and Rose have been going up and checking on things from time to time to make sure its in good shape and ready for you. it's a nice place with 4 bedrooms and a huge yard, back in the trees in an old neighborhood near some private college. The department up there has a position for you with the same rank and everything. They have just been waiting for you to arrive. You cant come back to Arizona, its not safe. They will kill you. The entire command structure of the department, except for me is under investigation, and they don't know if other agencies are involved or what, but they think those bodies we have been finding in the barrels in the desert are linked to your case. The problem is, with all the damage you suffered, your testimony wont be enough to build a case against the bad guys. We have to have more evidence. Did you see any faces or hear any names?

"No. They either wore masks or I was blindfolded the entire time. But he has barrels in that building, along with tools that he likes to use on his victims. The drain in the floor…there is likely to be evidence in it, and his cuffs, my dna should be all over his cuffs."

His voice was a whisper as he related the information to me, but it still wasn't enough. There wasn't going to be anything to really build probable cause to even get a search warrant for his place. Jaspers DNA might be on his cuffs due to training exercises, the drain had probably been flushed a million times over with all kinds of acid and shit in the last six months, and as for Gunnys voice? Whiskey/smoker rasp is very common and an attorney would be able to get that ripped to pieces in a heartbeat.

Jasper, we don't have a case. He was too smart and had probably been planning for years what he was going to do. He left nothing to chance and we haven't been able to uncover any other evidence against him or any leads on who was helping him that night.

"You mean you don't have any clues about the other 3 guys at all?"

THREE guys? Oh fuck…until he has said that, I had no idea there had even been three other guys, I thought maybe one other guy, but 3? My heart about stopped. That meant he had survived being brutalized by four men, over a period of 3 days. He was stronger than he gave himself credit for, even stronger than I gave him credit for. It also meant that there were 4 times the amount of people who would be willing to kill him to keep their secret safe if they knew he was alive.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N I lost a buttload of reviews because I am a fail,(as my teen son would say), at figuring out Gmail when there are multiple replies from one source. If I didnt reply to you, or if you got two replies, you have my sincere apologies. **

**As for the questions and comments some of you have had about the music I listen to when I write this? Lately its been "Mechanical People" and the older 100 Monkeys songs. I have mixed in some Waits, but for some reason the Mechanical People have really fit the mood of parts of this story. Songs about longing and the impossibility of living the life you dream of, those have really suited. **

He was so fucking fragile. He had been technically healed of his physical injuries, but he hadn't hardly benefited from any of the work they had done to try and rebuild the strength in his body, and as for his mind? Fucked was the best way to describe it. He flipped from numb to angry to depressed to numb all over again, and that was just within one hour. He was the poster child for hyper vigilance for all the good it would do him, because he couldn't have fought off a wet kitten. The scars on his mind were at least as bad as the scars on his body, and it was apparent he needed some serious counseling and maybe some time out of the hospital.

Because he was considered a risk and fragile, he hadn't left the rehab facility for any kind of outside trips or shopping or any kind of normal, human life. He didn't have any clothes of his own, which was just as well because none of them would have fit him as skinny as he was. I had brought him a change to wear so I could take him out, but I didn't know if he was even capable of being out in public, he looked like a good, stiff wind would blow him over. I had a whole couple of days out planned for us, including seeing that goofy little band he was so fond of. I had managed to score tickets to their show at a local venue and after I had emailed them a Fed approved version of his story, they had even sent VIP passes for him to meet the band before the show. We had a few days to get him into shape, and to figure out if he was even up to it, but I hoped he would perk up with some steady attention and hope for a better tomorrow.

Jas, you need to be working on getting out of here. You don't weigh as much as a 12 year old and they told me you weren't eating or cooperating with counseling. Why would you quit like that? That isn't you. You always drove harder, fought longer and tried harder than anyone I knew, but just laying there in your own filth, giving up? You cant do that!

"I should have fought harder. I should have gotten away. I cant remember anything except for his voice and what they did, so what use am I? Even you and Emmett gave up on me."

Jas, we didn't have a choice. If we had kept vanishing and coming over here, someone would have gotten wise and they might have gone looking for you. We have been looking under every rock, considering every source and doing all we can to try and find enough evidence to find the ones who did this to you, but we have nothing. If I didn't have Emmett's warning to go off of and then finding you right after they dumped you out on the Devils Highway, we would have never known for, and as it stands, that evidence is not admissible because its hearsay and we don't have the story of finding you out on the Devils Highway because according to the department and the Feds, that never happened. Jasper Whitlock was killed in the line of duty by subjects unknown, he was kidnapped, tortured and then set on fire at my front gate. He was buried in Veterans Cemetery under full honor guard and as far as anyone knows, I have searched for your killers ever since. The Feds are helping with the case, but even they are stumped. There is basically nothing tying anyone to you, so we have been trying to catch him on anything else so we will have an excuse to turn that dump he calls a home, upside down.

Jasper seemed to shrink as I explained all of that to him. Maybe he had thought he was going to be able to come back and help with the investigation, but he needed to be made aware of just what had gone on.

Look, lets not worry about all of that right now. Lets figure out how we can get you back to being you. I was going to get an overnight pass from your doc, and take you out to dinner and to the coast, but it appears we need to get you some damn clothes that will fit and some food in you, so how about we work on going down to the cafeteria for some lunch and you show me that you can eat, and then we will discuss the rest of the week. He didn't need to know that I had planned on spending a day or two seeing where he was at and meeting with his doctors. I damn sure needed to have a conversation with them about why he had just been warehoused.

He wasn't up to walking to the cafeteria, but I encouraged him to at least push the wheel chair and try walking part of the way there. He was sweaty and shaky, but being the stubborn ass I knew he was, he made it all the way there. I went and loaded down a tray with all the selections they had, anything to try and get him to eat, and he looked at me like I had lost my mind when I set the tray in front of him.

"Are you crazy? I cant even eat half of this. I've been on a liquid diet for the last six months, if I even tried it I would be sick as a dog."

Well, I want you to at least try some of the lighter stuff and don't worry, not all that was for you. I am hungry too!.

He took one shaky sip of the soup that I had brought and moaned. "Oh my God! That is soo good!" I tried to convince my dick to not react to that, and failed miserably. I had missed him in many, many ways,(not the least of which was in the bedroom), but I felt like a freak perving after him when he was still so run down, but if he made many more sounds like that, I would walking behind that wheelchair.

He didn't manage to eat much more than the soup, but it was a start. He was drooping pretty badly as lunch was over, so I got him loaded into the wheelchair and I pushed him back to his room. He was totally out by the time we made it into the room, so I just picked him up and tucked him back into his bed. I figured I would let him nap while I went and took care of some business I had needed to tend to.

The overnight pass was a hard sell, but since we were going to be staying in the city and close to the rehab facility, they realized that he needed some time out to just be a person again. He wasn't going to be left alone for even a minute, and he did need some clothes and things to make his life feel more normal again. The counselor agreed with me on that point, so with a wheelchair to back up the cane the wanted him using at all times, we got cleared for that. The psychological issues were going to be more of a problem. They had him on so many medications for sleep, pain, depression and all kinds of other issues they thought he might have.

How many of these medications can you people drop him off of now? He needs to get to functioning as best he can without so many or he wont be able to have a career or any kind of life outside of here, and I can tell you for a fact, the money will dry up pretty quick at the rate you are going.

It got a bit heated for a little bit as we argued back and forth, but I got them to develop a plan to wean him off of all of them over the next six weeks so unless he had major issues, he would be leaving the facility drug free.

After getting done with the docs, I went out to my truck to collect his clothes and his boots that I had brought with me. I knew the jeans and the fucking monkey shirt were going to hang on him, but hopefully he would be able to keep then up long enough to get into a store where we could get him some stuff that would fit. A quick call to the Feds to update them on the new information he had given me, as well as a call to Emmett to let him know he was talking, and I was headed back inside.

He was still out when I walked back into his room, so I decided to take a bit of a nap myself. The damn place was so damn noisy with all the door slamming and banging around, it was amazing he had slept at all. I groaned, dreading spending the next couple of days trying to sleep in such a noisy setting, but for him, I was willing to try anything. He seemed to be pretty restless as he slept, muttering and shifting around to the point that he had uncovered himself in short order. The flimsy scrubs they had loaned him weren't very warm or comfortable, so I made a command decision and went over and shut the door to the room, locking it behind me. I didn't want to overwhelm him by just crawling in and wrapping him up in my arms, so I did the next best thing, I sat on the edge of the narrow bed, and waited for him to wake up enough to realize I was there, then kicking off my boots, I lay down with my back to him and gently pulled his arm around me so he could decide what was comfortable for him.

He was still for a few moments and I worried that I had over-stepped what he was able to handle, but then he began tracing random patterns on my chest.

"You know, I sure missed the smell of your hair, and how it felt to have you wrapped up around me, but most of all I missed being kissed. It feels like forever since I have been kissed."

I could take care of that if you wanted me to. I haven't been kissed in the same length of time and I have missed it too. I had just gotten used to doing it, and then all of the sudden I had to stop again, so it may take me a little while to get back to being used to it.

I slowly rolled over and faced him as he looked at me. Can I kiss you?

"I think that is why you rolled over, isn't it?" He smiled at me as I ran my fingers through his hair. I think I like this look on you. Are you going to keep it long or are you planning on cutting it?

"I haven't given it much thought, in fact I didn't even know it was that long until you pointed it out to me. I guess the nurses kinda liked it so they took care of it for me."

I leaned down and kissed him as I said, You always have had great hair.

He moaned softly as we kissed and at first I wasn't sure it was pleasure or pain, but as he pulled himself tight up against me, I realized it was pleasure. Laying there kissing him was the best feeling I had experienced in months and I realized he was feeling the same way. His kisses became more frantic and intense, and before long he was pulling at my clothes. "God! I want you so damn bad! I know they tested me and Im clean. Please, Edward, Please?"

Damn Jas, you don't have to beg me, ever. I just don't want you to hurt yourself.

He about had my shirt stripped off as I told him to wait a moment.

I got up and walked over to my bag. I hadn't packed any supplies other than some hand lotion for dry skin, but anything in a pinch. I stripped off completely and walked over to him, taking a moment to watch as he struggled to get out of the scrubs they had put him in. I helped him with the top as he kicked the pants off and practically threw them across the room.

"Would you come here already? I think I about wore myself out just getting that damn shirt off, so this may not last too long." Leaning down and kissing him deeply, I handed him the lotion and asked, So how do you want me?

He pulled me down next to him, and said, "How about on your side? Like I said, that shirt kicked my ass, so I may not have much left to kick yours."

I stretched out beside him as he took charge, sweat already pouring off of him, and went to work trying to get me ready. His hands were already shaking and I could feel his heart racing as he tried to patiently prepare me, so I took pity on him.

Jas, lets go. I'm dying for you. You are just dying, im ready. C'mon. I no more than said the words than he was sliding home. It was all I could do to not grunt, but I was afraid if I did he would stop, and I damn sure didn't want him to stop. He grabbed ahold of my hip and my shoulder and as best he could, he went to town.

There was a frantic, frenetic almost angry, drive behind him and I knew it was partially his need to reestablish himself with me, and partially the need to rebuild his own sense of worth as a man.

It didn't take either of us very long. He was running out of steam and I was close from the minute he slid home. As I came, that seemed to be all he needed, and he grunted and grasped me tighter, cumming for what felt like forever before he slumped back to the bed in exhaustion. We both lay there for a few minutes, waiting for our hearts to slow down and knees to stop shaking. "I think I am hungry now."

That made us both laugh and I got up to get a washcloth to clean up a bit of the mess. Can you stand up long enough to shower? I will push you down to dinner, but you need to clean up a little before we go mixing in polite company again.

" I think I can manage that, but you better come along just in case."

He wasn't kidding. The poor guy could hardly make it into the bathroom, but I got him situated back on the bench and he managed to get washed up as I took care of myself. I helped him get dried off and dressed back in some scrubs in order to save his clothes for the outing, but I was really beginning to worry if he was going to be able to handle all the excitement of the day I had planned. I was going to have to book a room really close to the venue and make sure the venue had a handicapped seat set aside for him so he wouldn't get trampled by rampaging fan girls.

Dinner was a little better than lunch. He seemed to have built up an appetite and I was happy to see him try a little bit of solid food. I was sure the doctors would be less than thrilled about our interlude, but he seemed happier and more connected.

Tomorrow they want to assess you. Since you have been less than cooperative with them, they don't know what all you can or cant do, so tomorrow they are going to check all that out, and talk to you as well.

"Another fucking psyche consult? Don't those assholes know that it just makes things worse to keep dragging that shit back up? I don't want to have some shrink who has never been outside of a classroom, poking around in my head, telling me how fucked up I am."

Jas! Slow your roll. They just are trying to assess the best way to make sure you are fit for duty, if you want to go back to work. You wont be dealing with some civilian, they are bringing in a specialist to talk to you. They work not only with Vets, but with trauma victims. I want you to promise me you will talk to them and at least try ? Please, for me? Its actually something we instituted at the department because of what happened to you. The officers that handled the scene didn't do so well, so we had a shrink come in and talk with them. It seemed to help and I even ended up talking to them. I know you have been through a lot before, but this is different and you are different now. Please? At least give them a try?

"All right, Ill at least talk to them, but Edward, I learned how to handle this kind of stuff when I was a Marine, its always been my philosophy and it gets me through, its called, "Fuck it, drive on."

Jas, this is too much to drive on from. Even I had to get some help and I was just the one who tried to pick up the pieces. You lived it. Give them a session or two and if it doesn't seem to help, then you can drop it, but they are going to be decreasing your meds, and that might impact you more than you expect.

I got him to agree to meet with them and that was progress. The next day was going to be stressful on both of us, so after dinner I helped him back into bed and locking the door I crawled into bed behind him and we were quickly, deeply, asleep for the first time in many, many, months.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N A little shout out is in this chapter to some of my favorite folks. After having lost my inspiration to write and believing that there was no point in even trying, they handed me a match and proved him wrong. It made life worth living again.**

He was restless during the night, and I ended up with him wrapped up in my arms, my ass half hanging off that narrow, hard, bed until some nurse on morning rounds knocked on the door at 5 am to take his vitals and remind him that he had his first appointment with the regular doc at 0800.

They are going to do a a good physical on you and make sure you are ready to go for all the testing they are going to do today. Do you want me to go with you or would you rather I waited here?

"You might as well come with, you need to know what all works and what doesn't."

I would say the vital areas work pretty damn good. I winced as I sat up and grinned at him. Get a little ass back in your pants and some endurance, and you will be as good as new.

"Says you! I'm down a nard. The fuckers crushed one of them and the docs said it was a close call on the other."

That made me cringe. I knew he had lost a testicle, but I thought it was because he had been stabbed, not because his bits had actually been crushed. Motherfucker! I swear I want to kill him.

"He will get his someday. Come on, they get a bit testy around here if you don't stick to their time schedule and if I'm not done with breakfast and waiting at the docs office by 0800, she will send the goon squad after me and that is not fun."

We hurried up and went down to breakfast where he managed to actually eat almost an entire bowl of oatmeal with toast and some swill they called coffee. I was pleased and hopeful that it was a sign he was gaining himself again.

The physical was…unpleasant. The doc needed to check to make sure the repairs had healed ,as well as he nagged him about the word carved into his back. Grafts had healed most of the cuts and bit marks on his back, but the word "Faggot" in large, capitol letters across his shoulders was something he had refused to lose.

"It will be important some day, its also a reminder to me, so leave it!" Jas growled at him from his face down position on the table. I walked up and held his hands, trying to soothe him while they finished what they needed to do. His back and buttocks were badly scarred. The grafts hid what they had done to him, except for the word carved into him and the faint outline of a couple bite marks that were so deep that they couldn't be easily grafted away. "I'm going to be getting tatts to cover up a bunch of the grafts and stuff. I am not too worried about looks at this point." the doc had him roll over and he started the exam on his bits. Jasper tensed and refused to look at the doc or at me.

"Is this really necessary? I can tell you that it functions just fine. I have had no complaints." the doc arched an eyebrow at me as he asked Jasper some very pointed questions about his erections and quality thereof and such. I just sat there playing dumb until it was over. The doc appeared pleased with what he found and he told us that Jasper was cleared to fully participate in PT and a training regimen that should help him to rebuild the muscle he had lost, but that building some mass back onto his body with some proper nutrition would be the most important issue he faced.

The PT people got ahold of him after that and it was over 2 hours before he was done with them, shaking and sweaty and cursing more than a little. I helped him almost fall into the wheel chair, and as I rolled him back to his room, he grumbled at me, "Guess they are trying to make up for the last few months all in one day." I laughed and reminded him that if had been cooperating, he wouldn't be in the situation he was in.

He had missed the early lunch call and by the time we got there, pickings were slim so I got him some fruit and a sandwich. He stayed in the wheelchair and ate his lunch, trying not to fall asleep as he did so. I felt bad for him, but it was partially his own damn fault for not doing what he was supposed to be doing the whole time. He had a lot of catching up to do and it appeared that it was going to take a while for him to do that.

The meeting with the psyche people wasn't until late afternoon, so he had time for a nap and it appeared he needed it. I helped him take a quick shower and then he laid down and was out before I could even finish picking the towels up off the floor.

He slept hard until it was close to time for him to go to his meeting. I hated to wake him for something that was going to piss him off anyway, but it had to be done. I had seen some of his issues, the temper that was much quicker than it used to be, the wariness around groups of people and the mood swings, that made him difficult to deal with. I didn't expect the would fix him right away, but giving him a neutral outlet to talk to might do as good as anything

He decided to try and walk to the meeting using just the cane. It was slow going with lots of stops to rest, but he made it and stood shaking and irritated outside their office door. With a minute to spare. "Well, where the hell are they? Lets get this show on the road." He reached up and rapped sharply on the office door and grumbled under his breath as we waited in the hall.

Hey Jas, do you want me to stay out here or do you want me in with you? He looked at me like he hadn't thought about it and said, " I guess it doesn't matter, you already know I am pretty fucked up, these people are just going to verify Im nuts as well."

The door opened before I could answer him and he was led inside to a fairly comfortable looking office. There wasn't any of the hippy crap I had expected, it was just comfortable chairs and books stacked everywhere. The docs introduced themselves and while the one man said he would like to talk to Jasper alone for a little while, the other, a taller guy that looked like he should be on a basketball court somewhere, asked if he could speak with me in the room next door. I got the go ahead from Jasper and followed the guy out.

Since Jas had made me his executor before the incident and I had made him mine, I was shown on his paperwork under his new name, as his next of kin and legal guardian due to his incapacity, the doc began explaining that there were things they were going to try to work with him on that went all the way back to his childhood. They expected him to resist and get angry as well as upset, but it was all part of the healing process. I got a crash course in dealing with PTSD and in particular being out in public with him tomorrow was likely to be a bit overwhelming and that I should expect his hyper vigilance to come into play as well as his anxiety over not being physically capable of protecting me.

That made me laugh. He doesn't need to protect me. I should be protecting him. The doc shook his head, "He has a strong protective drive and that may be what kept him going when he was so near death. He lost much of his sense of self and his dignity as a human when he was hurt in such a way and he is deeply fearful that you could be hurt, so he will drive himself hard to be able to protect you. That will be the key to his recovery, but could also be his undoing. If he grows to dependant upon your bond, and something were to happen, it could be disastrous for his recovery. You need to decide if you are committed to this and helping him to recover, because if not, you may need to back away slowly while we try to find him other ways to direct his energies and strengths.

I had a lot of thinking to do. I wanted to be with him. The little son of a bitch had gotten under my skin from the first day I met him and over the years he had become as vital to me as breath, but his life was in danger back home and I had no idea what kind of life we would have if it took a long time to gather the evidence to implicate Gunny. The sheriff had been implying he might retire at the end of the year and I had always wanted to run, so there was that to consider as well. I could clear out Gunny and his ilk if I were sheriff. I wasn't sure where I was going to go, but I knew for the moment the most important thing was to get Jas on the road to recovery as best I could and let the cards fall where they may after that.

The shrink gave me some suggestions for making our outing comfortable and enjoyable for Jasper and then we went back into the room. Jasper was glaring at the other doc, his eyes red rimmed and I could tell from his body language he was ready to fight, so I just walked over and started casually rubbing on his shoulder until I felt him relax a little.

Hey, you ready to go get some dinner and then some rest? Its going to be a busy day tomorrow and I need you rested. He snapped a quick, "Yeah" at me and I helped him up from the chair, keeping myself between him and the doc he had been talking to . I don't know what had been said, but he was fuming and we were nearly to the cafeteria before he spoke a word to me.

"That bastard said that if I didn't cooperate, they could say I was too much of a risk to go back into law enforcement, that if I didn't get some help I could even lose my rights to own guns! What the fuck kind of bullshit is this? My life gets turned upside down and fucked over in the worst way and the hits just keep coming?"

He was pissed, but I started explaining to him, Listen, they just want to make sure you don't go postal. All you have to do is talk to them. I know you aren't crazy, and if you talk to them about things, they will know you aren't crazy.

'That son of a bitch wants me in to see him 5 days a week and in some group session bullshit on Saturdays! What the fuck? Talking about myself almost every single day? I have never done that and you know how I feel about that kind of stuff."

Hey! Jas, listen. I know this is all a lot to take in, but its at most for the next 6 weeks. I talked to the doc overseeing your case today and he said that he didn't see any reason why you couldn't be released from here in about 6 weeks and the remainder for of your care transferred up to an outpatient place in Portland. You are over the worst of it, you just have to rebuild yourself so you can leave here and not fall apart. Now, c'mon, lets get you fed and tucked into bed so you will be able to drag around San Diego with me when I spring you from this place for 24hours.

He didn't look totally happy, but he wasn't as pissed as when I first went back into the room to get him. He was a funny guy, for being so small and delicate looking, he was about the most stubborn, macho, tough guy kinda guy I had ever known. He was like a vest pocket John Wayne, and while I loved him for it, I also knew it could really be a problem when it came to getting him to cooperating with what was needed to get him better.

He picked at his dinner, a good sul up going on. I eventually gave up trying to get him to get over his mad and just let him fume. I figured once I got him out tomorrow and got him a change of scenery, he would perk up. We went back to the room and tucked in for the night, and this time I wrapped him in my arms and held him until he finally relaxed and went to sleep.

He was in a little better spirit's the next morning when I woke him bright and early to get showered and dressed to leave. We didn't even bother with breakfast at the facility, we went to the hotel we were going to be staying at and I went ahead and got us checked in so that if he got too tired during the day, we could come back to the room for him to nap. He noticed a marquee on the way to the hotel that announced his favorite band was playing that evening, and he sighed deeply.

" Maybe ill catch one of their shows next year. I sure miss my music, but its nice to have my t-shirt back. Its always been kinda lucky for me."

Wearing my best poker face I told him that he would have plenty of time to catch them in the future, and I would look into ordering him a shirt off the bands website. It was going to take all my strength to not spill the beans before the show later in the evening.

Damn Jas! You are going to have to eat something and grow an ass all over again. I said that after he tried on a pair of jeans that might have fit me when I was 14. They fit him perfectly, so we ended up picking up a few pairs around the same size as well as boxers and shirts for him that all came from the young men's department, though he probably could have worn some from the children's. He refused to replace the ratty old boots that he had worn the soles off of and instead just added a pair of cross-training sneakers to wear to PT. Since he was so damned thin, he got chilled easier and knowing he was moving to a much cooler place, he decided to pick up a leather jacket that could be layered with other things to help him stay warm and dry.

He was using the cane the doc had insisted he try, and by the time we picked up him a cell phone and a laptop so he could Skype with me, he was starting to lean heavily on it and by lunch time I insisted on breaking out the wheel chair and pushing him wherever else he wanted to go. We finished up fairly quick and I suggested we go up to the room for a nap and to change clothes. He ended up sleeping until just before our dinner reservations, so I woke him up and got him to shower and dress in his new clothes for a, "Nice dinner out".

'Where are you taking me? Its not like I can eat anything too fancy."

I grinned at him, Oh, no place too fancy. I made reservations in the hotel restaurant, but I thought we would take in a show after we were done.

He leaned against the back of the elevator, looking very dapper in his new jeans and button down shirt with a simple black vest. He had his cane with him and he was leaning on it a little as we walked into the restaurant, so I put an arm around him to steady him. He looked at me in surprise, but then smiled and leaned against me. We were in a place where no one was going to look twice at a gay couple, so I figured I would we would be just that for the evening, a couple out on the town.

He had a beer with his dinner, and to his credit he attempted a small steak, but the beer brought out his smile. In 6 months of being hurt and with no ass in his pants, he also had no tolerance for alcohol and by midway though the second beer he had started to lean to the side and his grin had gotten bigger.

"So where are we going from here, Edwarrrd?" His drawl came more too and that made me smile. I leaned over and pushed him so he was sitting upright again, and I called for the check.

Jas, I had promised you a show and you will be getting a show tonight. Lets see if you can still walk and I will get us a cab. He grinned at me goofily and worked his way to his feet, chattering at me the entire time about how glad he was to be out of the hospital and how he had missed me, and what all he wanted to do when we got to Portland. Apparently his lack of ability to handle a couple of beers had also translated into loosening his tongue and turning him into a chatterbox.

He was leaned on his cane, doing his best to drape himself around me as we stood on the curb waiting for the cab. He was still talking away, not really paying attention as we pulled up in front of the venue. There was a good sized crowd of women of all shapes and sizes, who flat stared at him like he was a chunk of steak and they were sharks. I got a little worried, but he didn't even seem to notice where we were at until one of the bands people came out and yelled for all the VIP pass holders.

We slowly moved into the venue, him grinning like a loon as he realized where he was and what he was going to be seeing. The dozen or so girls around us either did a double-take when they noticed us, or they flat stared at Jas. I was starting to get pissed off at the rudeness of staring at a crippled up guy when all of the sudden I spotted the problem and then I did a little staring of my own because Jas apparently had a twin.

It was weird. They were pretty much dead ringers for each other, but when the guy came over to shake Jas's hand and thank him for his service and for being a fan, neither of them seemed to realize it. They wandered off together to talk guitar stuff and whatever and I stood there with my teeth in my head just staring at them. I was pretty much dumbstruck until a tall fella came over and stood next to me. We stood there arm in arm, watching them laugh and talk to each other, sometimes even mirroring each others gestures

I nudged the tall boy and said, Weird, huh? He looked at me and then back at the pair of them. "That's putting it mildly."

Jas and the lil rock star had to practically be drug apart and it got to be time for the show. They played us a few of their new songs as a warm up to the main show and then they signed things for the VIP'S. I stood back and watched as Jas and the lil rock star parted company, (Jas now wearing his hat),and I was left wondering what the hell was in the water in Texas?

The show was great. They had set aside a place near the front with a chair so Jas could sit down without being blocked or stepped on, and I spent the show standing behind him, making sure he felt safe. Once it was all over we waited til the crowd thinned down a little and then we went and about bought out the merchandise counter. He not only got a stack of t-shirts, but I bought him a hoodie with the logo on it to go with his leather jacket. He was leaning heavily on the cane again and limping pretty heavily by the time we reached the street, and I knew he was done with the nightlife so we headed back to the hotel where I planned to spend the rest of the evening soaking in the huge garden tub with him and just enjoying being together.

When we woke up the next morning, we took our time getting out of bed, enjoying being in each others arms without nearly falling off some tiny hard assed bed.

"I don't wanna go back. I wanna stay right here just hugged up against you."

We were laying there, skin to skin, just enjoying the feel of each other and getting reacquainted. He rolled over against me, obviously interested in more than just laying there. He pushed me onto my back and before I knew it, he was steadily working to show me just how badly he wanted to stay out of the hospital.

Jas, are you trying to seduce me? Because if you are, its working. A muttered, "Mmmhmm" was all I got out of him as he worked his way down and then caused my eyes to almost cross.

"I want you. One more time before I have to go back?" He was licking and nipping and touching all the right places, so all I could do was mutter back at him, "Uh huh!"

"Outstanding!" He rolled over and started digging though my bag beside the bed and emerged with the lotion I had packed.

His lack of endurance kept him from being able to be as in command as he liked to be, but when I rolled over on my stomach, he knew he was in charge and I relished the feel of him, focused and happy and with me. I was going to miss it very badly, but I wasn't going to be out to see him more than one more time before he left. I hated that and it made me want to go to Gunny and beat a confession out of him so I could bring my boy home.

.


	30. Chapter 30

Leaving him was tough on both of us. I really didn't know when I would be able to get back over to see him. I knew I would talk to him on the computer and by phone, but it wasn't the same. I had to keep him bolstered and encouraged so that he would throw himself into his recovery. He had all his new identification and things he needed to start his life up in Portland and I had sent him an email with a virtual tour of his house included in it. Emmett and Rose were heading over in a few days to see him and taking his truck to him along with the keys to his house and all the other stuff he would need. I just hoped he would accept it and leave without doing anything crazy, like try to get revenge.

They were still keeping him on the security ward for the time being. It wasn't that he was a threat to anyone else, but like me, they were just a little concerned about his mental state and the doc thought that until he talked to the shrink a little more, it would be better if they could keep a close eye on him. He wasn't happy but he knew it was only for a short amount of time, and then he would be free.

Promise me you will eat and do your exercises?

"Yes, I will."

No more just sitting around feeling sorry for yourself? I don't want to come back and find you in that shape again.

"You wont, I am looking forward to getting the hell out of here, so I will be doing what I am supposed to be doing. Ill give you a nightly report."

Ill be looking forward to it. I hugged him tightly and kissed the top of his head. Emmett and Rose will be here to see you in a few days, take care of yourself until then, okay? I am working on getting things wrapped up over there and when we have him, I will be up there with you. Ill be back over here to see you before you leave.

We were disturbed from our goodbyes by a knock at the door as an orderly came to fetch him for his first counseling session with the new shrink. He scowled briefly, but I caught his shoulder, Remember, you said you would try? So please, try? He nodded and headed out the door behind the orderly, and I followed after, turning towards the exit as they headed towards the offices further down, Remember, Jas, you promised? "Yeah, well…remember you did too. Ill see you soon?" I nodded and quickly turned and headed through the exit.

Emmett and Rose arrived the following week with his truck. The hospital kept his keys and his wallet along with the rest of the things that would have granted him immediate freedom, locked in the safe and that rankled, but he was still under a physicians and psychologists care and still considered a risk to himself due to the severity of his injuries and the extended recovery time. His meeting with the psychologist had uncovered some not so deep seated problems and anger that he needed to address, so his counseling sessions had been intense and draining but motivation as well, he combined that with vigorous training session that helped to build his appetite and he rapidly began to build his old shape, so at the end of 5 weeks, he hardly needed the cane at all, and he had managed to pack close to 15 lbs of muscle back onto his frame. He still looked small and a little frail, but he was gaining ground.

The phone conversations and Skyping had helped to keep him positive and focused. Most nights when he showed up on screen he was fresh from the shower and looking pretty damn tired, so I knew he was doing a pretty rough training program to get back into shape. I didn't have much to tell him about what was going on back in AZ, the Feds had gotten pulled back to work a case over on the East Coast where some kids had gone missing and it turned out that it was more than a couple kids in a one time incident. Kids always seem to take precedence over everything else, and while I didn't begrudge them that, it did slow down progress in the case and put more people at risk because Gunny seemed to be as willing as ever to be abrasive and abusive to those he considered, "Queer".

Sitting in my office, working on reports and waiting for the day to end so I could get home and talk to my boy, I was surprised to look up and see the sheriff standing there.

What can I do for you, sir?

"You got a few minutes, Ed?"

Anytime for you, boss. Come on in and take a load off. He came in and shut the door behind, locking it. His face was somber and I knew this was not going to be a regular social call.

"Are you doing okay?" I looked at him. I had been doing the same as I ever did, following my routine and just maintaining. Not letting anything show, there was too much on the line.

What do you mean, sir? I am the same as always. Just doing my job.

"No, you aren't. You haven't been the same since Whitlock died. Nothing has been the same since he died. I knew about you, you know that don't you? I knew you two were more than friends and it didn't matter. My youngest son, well…he's always been different too. It makes you start to see things in a different light after you have a child of your own. I am sorry about his loss. He was a good officer and he was good for you. I guess what I am saying is that, you need to move on. Maybe find someone else?"

My stomach was in my boots. I honestly didn't know if he was telling me the truth or fishing for information. I had known the man for nearly 15 years and I had no idea he had a gay son. I decided to play it very neutrally.

Sir, all I care about is finding the killers of my friend and one of our best officers. He deserves justice. He didn't deserve to die the way he died no matter what he may have been or who he may or may not have been involved with. He was a good man, a good Marine and he was cared about and respected by many at this department and in the community. If I didn't catch his killer, I would be failing in my job as a cop and as a human being, and this department would be failing as a department. His killer will be caught and they will face justice, no matter what.

He smiled at me. "I am glad to hear it Ed, just watch your 6 and be careful. Sometimes the bad guys are closer than you think. I have fought them for over 15 years and I am getting tired, I am thinking that I will probably call it good at the end of this term and I wanted to see if you were up for a run with my support? I like that you bring a new perspective to things and that you would protect the interest of everyone. Think about it, and if you decide you want to give it a shot, I will introduce you around to the folks who can help you get it going."

This was both news I had always wanted to hear and now dreaded hearing. I had wanted to be sheriff since I first pinned on a badge. I knew I could do a good job at it, and it would afford me the opportunity to clean up the department in the ways it needed cleaning up, including firing Gunny and his cronies, but it would also mean that I would not be moving to Portland with Jasper. I couldn't let him find out because he wouldn't go if he thought I was staying. I was going to have to lie and lie well to keep him on mission.

Jasper was bored. He was ready to leave the hospital and he wanted to be on to the next part of whatever was going to happen in his life, even if it meant that he and Edward were going to be apart for a little while longer. Laying on his bed waiting for lunch, he never expected to look up as a shadow crossed his door and see the very person he was thinking about standing there looking at him.

He about knocked me down with the force of the hug when he slammed into me. I guess he had missed me?

" What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the week? I'm not supposed to get out until Monday."

Cant I come and spend some time with you before you leave for Portland? I had hoped you would want to get out of here for a few days and hang out with me. I got you a pass for a few days and I thought we would fly up to Portland and see the place together before you drive up there on your own.

The light of his grin made my heart ache. I helped him pack up a few things and we checked out with the charge nurse, and headed to the airport. It was a short flight, but a whole nuther world when we arrived. It was chilly and we both shivered in the moist air as we walked to the rental car.

It's a damn sight colder up here than it is where we just came from." He was shivering pretty hard as I cranked the car up, so I got the heater kicked on and set the GPS for the address of the house, telling him to keep a look out for a mall on the way there. The moisture in the air had played hell with his hair and caused the curls to run riot all over his head, making him look like he was barely over 18, and the way he kept trying to look everywhere at once as we drove though all the streets lined with beautiful Craftsman homes and huge trees, made him seem even younger. Before too long we were pulling into the drive of his very own Craftsman, and the look on his face was priceless.

The garage off to the side was painted to match the house and the colors were classic Texas, with maroon and dark blue set against a sedate tan that blended nicely with the neighborhood. A pair of huge oak trees bracketed the front yard and nicely set off the wrap around front porch that already had a pair of slat back rocking chairs waiting for him. I handed him the keys and we walked up the front steps to a front door that had a Texas Star carved into it.

Walking into the front entry we were met by a sign that said, "Welcome home, J.D.!" The home was already warm and Jaspers art was already hanging up over the mantle in the living room. What he didn't know was that I had gotten him a signed album cover from that band he loved so much, and had had it framed along with pictures of the band, and that was all down the hallway to his bedroom. His bedroom already had his bed set up in it, with brand new sheets and a bunch of thick, soft looking pillows on it that had to be Roses doing. The living room was a mans den with all the bells and whistles that he could want. Emmet had surrendered the couch that they had bought together, and he had gifted an equally huge TV and electronics set up with the note stuck to it that said, "XBOX LIVE and I am soo kicking your ass as soon as you are up and running!" in Emmett fashion. There was a stack of video games waiting by the machine, but Jas walked right past them to his guitar that was sitting in a rack next to the new electric that I had bought him for the Christmas he had missed.

'I dreamed of playing so damn often, I missed her." I smiled as he put her down and picked up the electric, looking at it in shock. 'Where the hell did I get a Gretch Setzer edition?" Uhh…you got it for the Christmas you missed along with the amp that's in the cabinet over there and the Marlin Yellowboy that is currently in my gun cabinet back in AZ.

He sat down, cradling the guitar to him. I walked over and sat next to him and putting an arm around him tried to make him feel better, but I knew he was starting to realize just how much had gone on around him. If it makes you feel any better, when you didn't come pick up the fiddle by Christmas, they called the house and I went down to see what was up. Thank you, for the best present ever. I have been working on learning a couple of old traditional hymns and I may get them down before I die of old age. He laughed and wiped his face on his sleeve.

C'mon, you still have to see the rest of this place before it gets dark. The best is outside. We walked out onto the back deck and he saw what I was talking about, the hot tub to end all hot tubs, already filled, cleaned and probably well broken in by Emmett and Rose. That skeeved both of us out a little bit, but I knew there was copious cleaning chemicals in use so I set it to kick on and start warming up for later as we walked the rest of the yard, checking out the privacy fence and the trees, as well as the garden that picture framed the yard. We went back in and found that the kitchen was stocked with everything but the most perishable of items. "BEER! Oh hell yes! It has been weeks since I have had a nice cold beer and I intend to have a beer or six. Why don't we throw a pizza in that oven and you tell me how the hell I was able to afford such a nice place?"

We ended up sitting at the breakfast bar while I explained to him that making me his executor of his estate before he got hurt, as well as the beneficiary of his insurance, had left me in a bit of pickle when it came to dealing with things. The feds knew he wasn't really dead, but he technically and legally was, so it made payment of his insurances tricky. They finally agreed that he was dead, and since the money would be getting used to establish his new identity, they could figure out the accounting as we went along. His medical bills were all paid as well as any further care he would need for the next couple of years, the house was actually a repo that had been a steal and was totally paid for. His vehicle was his own and had been maintained by me and Emmett while he was in the hospital.

You aren't rich, but you aren't going to starve. You have a job waiting on you when you are ready to start, and about 50k in the bank, so if you want to just play music and travel for awhile, you can do that too. The phone is on my account and the bill comes to me, so you don't even have to worry about that. You could even go to school again if you wanted, your new identity is also covered by the G.I bill and your back story is the same as your real back story, except you were never in Arizona. You were in California's VA recovering from injuries received in Afghanistan. You had been a cop that got deployed. You don't remember much about that, have no family.

He seemed to digest all the information he had been told and process it pretty well. "So where do I work?"

You work city now and are assigned to the narcotics unit. it's a great team and they have been looking for someone to help find out who is supplying the drugs to the club scene, so you would be attending concerts and working the crowds to see who is doing what, and dealing what to whom. Nothing too heavy to start off, and only when you feel ready. You would have to put in some range time and qualify, as well as pass your pt test, but they are eager to have you and you wouldn't even have to get a haircut.

That haircut comment made him smirk, "I knew there had to be a reason you were setting me up with city boys, you like the hair, don't want me getting it cut I am assuming?" I have to admit, it had really grown on me and the dark, dirty blonde, wavy hair made him look like a real guilty pleasure. "How about we find me a tattoo studio I can visit? I am in need of getting some work taken care of as soon as possible." Already done. If you would look at the card on the fridge, Emmett swears that guy does fantastic work, has a stellar reputation is clean and very discreet. We can call him tonight and probably be in tomorrow. Do you know what you want?

"Yeah, I have a couple of things that I need done, so we are probably going to need to see if he has a helper who can work on my upper back while on works on my lower."

You do know that they might not be able to cover that up, don't you?

"Oh that's not getting covered up, it stays as a reminder to me. I'm just getting all the smaller stuff taken care of that was already grafted. I will never lose that on my back. I have a feeling it will be needed one of these days."

We ate home cooked pizza and then soaked in the hot tub after that, appointment for his tattoo starting at noon tomorrow and stretching until the artist got to tired to work. It was a beautiful, but chilly night and I planned on going and looking for some winter gear for him while he was under the needle, as well as making sure the kitchen was better stocked for the next few days and then his arrival the next week. The shower was as spectacular as the hot tub, obviously designed with gay men in mind and I had to marvel at the difference in quality of life a change in location could bring, and for a moment I did consider just chucking it all and coming with him, but then the thoughts of how I could best take care of Gunny and his cronies crept into my thoughts and I let that dream die as we crawled under the obscenely soft and warm sheets, chuckling at the bottles of lube we found stuffed under the pillows and in the bedside tables along with boxes of condoms and other toys that were wrapped in smiley face wrapping paper.

"We have very demented friends, you know that don't you?" Yes, I am well aware of that. I have no idea what the hell we are supposed to do with a strap on, but I am not calling and asking for the receipt or why its out of the packaging, tonight.


	31. Chapter 31

Getting him winter gear was an expedition. He decided to go with a leather jacket and hoodie, so he ended up looking even more like a teenager and getting me even more dirty looks from people who saw us together at lunch holding hands as we waited to be seated. I kept waiting to be called a child molester any moment. I was relieved when he added the hat the odd little rock star had given him. It made him look older and made me feel a little less like a pervert. I dropped him at the tattoo studio and went to check out the department he was going to be working with and visit my contacts.

He told me it was going to take a while for him to get done, but over 7 hours later I still hadn't gotten word to pick him up, so I went back by the studio to see what the hold up was. I walked into the shop and was directed into a back room where I found him sprawled out, face down , shirt off, with two guys working on him, one putting the finishing touches on a spectacular black and grey effect phoenix that covered all the scars on his buttocks and lower back. It seemed to rise out of his lower back, with the flames wrapping up his sides. It was beautiful and looked like it would be sore as hell. The other guy was working on a monkey across his shoulders. The monkey was wearing a top hat and the tail extended down his right arm, wrapping around in an armband while the monkey held a match in a paw that led to a flame that extended down his other arm and wrapped around. It was also spectacular and a bit odd, but it was classic Jasper. He was sound assed asleep and the guys worked on him and he didn't even stir as I sat down on the chair in front of him. The adrenalin high from all the pain had probably bottomed out and left him drained. I waited while the guys finished up and wiped him down and then I warned them to get back as I grasped his shoulder and gently shook him awake. He shot straight up and almost back into the wall and would have fallen on his ass if I hadn't held onto him, but he soon realized where he was and calmed down. The artists that worked on him watched solemnly as he checked out the work and thanked them for a good job.

"Hey man, If you ever decide that you want that word gone, I can do something with it to make it less noticeable or less choppy. It would be a freebie, you just let me know."

Jasper thanked them and explained that he was keeping the scar for the time being, tipped the guys and told them he would be back for more work down the road a bit, and we headed home to dinner.

You are gonna be sore as hell tomorrow. That's a mighty big pair of tattoos you got there.

He grinned sheepishly. "I didn't intend for the monkey to be quite that big, but the guy had the idea to make it cover up the bite mark and the other words across my shoulder and it just seemed like a good idea."

Only you would have a flaming bird coming out of your ass, but hell! I know its hot, so its all good for me. That brought a roar of laughter out of him and then a wince as his jeans rubbed some of his raw hide. Why don't you strip down and I will rub some of that A&D into them so maybe I can get some loving tomorrow. "You know we got other ways of taking care of business, so why don't we get settled in for the evening and explore our options?"

With nothing else pressing for the next couple of days, we simply lounged around the house and christened every surface that was available. He was back in old form and the sex was fantastic. I was going to miss him when I returned back home, and I contemplated trying to find a way to be able to visit frequently, but I wanted what was best for him and if I was going to be sheriff down there and staying, then that was going to mean that an eventual clean break was going to have to be made so he would move on.

All to soon it was time for us to return to San Diego so he could check out of the rehab facility and pick up his truck for the drive to Portland. I had gotten GPS installed in his truck along with new tires and some other upgrades that I hoped he would like, so he would be traveling in comfort. I stayed in his room with him the last night as he packed up and got ready to walk out of the facility a totally free man. His bill was settled up and his records were being sent up to Portland to a doc who specialized in trauma cases. We loaded up his things into my truck and I drove him over to the storage lot where I had kept his truck. He smiled when he saw it, the new locking bed cover making him happy along with the new tires. It cranked right up and the gps started talking to him right way, giving explicit instructions how to reach the hotels he would want to stop at on the way to Portland as well as the final destination.

'Damn! This thing does everything but wipe my ass, doesn't it?"

Pretty close. Those hotels are just suggestions. According to Emmett and Rose they are bug free and safe, so I thought you might want to know about them. It will probably take you a good day of hard driving to get there or two days of sane driving if you go that route.

"Ill probably take the sane route. I haven't really spent much time at the beach so I am thinking I will wander over that way and drive up extra slow and maybe spend some time just wandering for a bit."

That sounds good, if you need to reach anyone, your phone works anywhere and if you need anything, just call. I will be back there working on getting things taken care of.

He smiled and I tried to lock that image in my mind. That smile. I didn't know if I would ever see it again because when he realized I wasn't coming, he was going to either hate my guts or he as going to crash and crash hard. I was hoping he would just decide to hate me.

I hugged him tightly as we stood there by his truck. You go build that life we talked about. The connections at the department are programmed into your phone and there is a file with all the details on your desk. You have your wallet and I.d.? He nodded and patted his butt pocket. " I've got a stack of cash, my credit cards and the phone charger is in my bag ready to go in the front seat."

You'll check in from time to time and let me know how the trip is going?

"You know it. Ill call you tonight once I stop at the hotel. Don't worry about me, Ill be fine."

I know you will. You just start that new life and live it. "Tell Emmett and Rose they need to come visit as soon as they can, I will be getting one of those spare rooms set up as a guest room so they can come and stay as long as they want."

Ill let them know and I am sure you will be hearing from Emmett on XBOX pretty soon. He snickered and shook his head. 'He still thinks he can beat me at COD."

We were stalling the inevitable. He didn't want to go, I didn't want him to go, but he had to. He had to start that new life and after seeing the house and the city, I knew he would be fine. I just had to nudge him the right way.

J.D., you need to hit the road. Its getting later and if we keep standing here we are both going to hit rush hour traffic.

He stepped back and nodded, rubbing the back of his neck in that way that I knew meant he was stressed. I ran my hand through his hair one last time, memorizing its feel as I pulled him to me, wrapping my other arm around his back, trying to miss the still sore tattoo. Pulling him into the embrace, I bent down and kissed him for all I was worth, lovingly and deeply and publicly, shamelessly like I wished I could have every single time.

We finally parted and he got into his truck, and I walked over and got into mine. He started his, the loud assed pipes rattling the windows of the cars around us and startling a passing tourist. I didn't have the heart to change them while I had the truck, that was so much a part of his personality that it would have been like erasing part of him.

He pulled out of the lot and headed towards the interstate onramp. I sat there watching for a minute to make sure he was actually going and then I turned on the GPS tracking device, my little security blanket letting me know he was headed in the right direction.


	32. Chapter 32

Jasper took his time getting to Portland. He wandered along the Pacific Coast highway and even stayed at a KOA one night in a tent he picked up at a nearby store. It was nice not having any agenda or schedule and he decided to check out what concerts were going on in the cities he was passing through. He caught his favorite band again in San Francisco, actually even getting to talk to them again and adding to his t-shirt collection. He found it kinda odd how the tall fella stared at him so much, but he was nice enough and they could put away the beer like nobodies business. He needed an extra day in a hotel to recover from it, and he laughed when he saw them loading up for a late start as well the next day. He was trying to force himself to wear less covering shirts, and he finally broke down and wore and white, v-necked t-shirt with his jeans as he was traveling along. It gave hint of the tattoos underneath, but hid the worst of the damage from the scars, and he found he was able to be less conscious of it as time went on. He didn't think he would ever feel comfortable being shirtless in front of anyone other than Edward ever again, but he was able to do the t-shirt with little stress. It became a moot point once he passed Mt Shasta and began to climb in elevation because his flatlander blood forced him to break out the hoodie and bundle up like he was headed to the arctic.

Edward laughed when he heard he had gone to see his band again. " So you saw your twin again? How was that?

" What are you talking about, I don't look like any of them."

Oh the hell you don't! Even that tall boy noticed it and commented on it. You have a doppleganger in that boy, and it was pretty bizarre.

"Oh you are just pulling my leg, but it was a good show and I will probably catch them again when they hit Portland."

I was glad to hear that he was doing things that he liked. It was progress and it was a good sign that he was moving on. I was stuck in place. The world had become one endless cycle of work and home and work again. I threw myself into it, looking for clues and just trying to appear to be the perfect officer. I was the media darling, so I was always the one making the announcements about ongoing cases and projects the department had going on. I was being groomed to take over and I had to work on learning to project the perfect image, so that is what I did. When Jasper finally arrived in Portland and began to settle into his house and then eventually his department, I was proud of him. I also began to subtly pull back.

"Hey, where were you last night? I missed talking to you." Its fair week and the sheriff has me in charge of the whole damn shooting match. I was out there until so late that I pretty much just crawled my ass into bed and passed out.

I only talked to him 5 times that week.

The week after that I managed to limit it to 4 times, but he was becoming antsy, so I texted back and forth, telling him I was in budget meetings for the next two weeks. He was getting busy as well and often when I did make the first call, he was out on the town and exploring his neighborhood. He had found several places nearby where he could go and play his guitar with other amateur musicians, and though that he had made several friends that kept him busy and distracted from being lonely.

After a month of him being up there, I had managed to whittle our calls down to twice a week, and Skypeing was almost nonexistent. Between his work and his budding social life, and my work and my just pulling back, we were slowly separating. I hated it, but every time I got a leer from Gunny, I knew it was the right thing to do. The one year anniversary of his, "Death" approached and the department decided to hold a memorial service and dedicate a part of the new plaza to him. His picture was going to hang in the front office where I would walk past it every single day. Rose and Emmett grimaced at me apologetically as this announcement was made by the sheriff, they knew that it was going to be a different kind of pain for me to deal with on a daily basis, seeing him and knowing I had to chose to let him go.

The service was miserable. I looked out at all the faces in the crowd of officers and civilians, wondering besides Gunny, who would have been involved, but as of a year later we were no closer to gaining any new evidence. The sheriff had yet to make an announcement about whether or not he was running for re-election, and already two other strong candidates had emerged, one a former officer who was popular with the Hispanic population and a woman who had retired from the detention facility and who had gone into civil law. She was active in the local community and very popular with the conservative, elderly population, so without substantial support from the sheriff, I would be facing a hard fought race, and even with his support, there were no guarantees.

The feds had taken to, 'monitoring" the situation with the disappearances and luckily with Jaspers being such an attention drawing and horrible case, they seemed to have stopped. A couple of Gunny's cronies had gotten into trouble and one had even lost his badge over drinking and driving into a herd of sheep while on duty, and when arrested he had decided to fight his own men, putting one in the hospital with a serious concussion and taking the gun from the other. He had holed up in an abandoned irrigation shed for hours until a well placed bean bag round had convinced him to surrender. He lost his badge and a few years of freedom for that one. I only hoped he ended up several peoples girlfriend on the inside.

Gunny avoided me. He would go out of his way to not be in a room alone with me. It was like he knew I knew and that I was just waiting for my moment. He was always with his cronies or some other officer, but never would he approach me alone. I had halfway thought the memorial service would bring him out, compel him to taunt me in some way, but he didn't. he just sat in the back, staring at me with a smug grin on his face that I wanted to punch off. By the memorial, we were down to once a week, though I saw he had tried to call me more often and he had texted me a dozen times during the day. I decided to call him that night, because I knew it was likely to be a rough one.

"Hey, where you been? Don't you know a dead man was waiting on you?" he was drunk, very , very drunk and not a very happy drunk at that. He was a maudlin and miserable drunk and would probably regret the things he was going to say to me tonight, but there was no point in trying to argue with him while he was like that, I just let him vent.

"You are avoiding me lately! I aint stupid you know, I know when you are busy and when you have a moment to talk. I spent a few years living that life with you, in case you forgot.

" Jas, im…

"J.D.! dammit. You fucking named me, at least you could do is call me the name you gave me."

Oh shit…angry Jas, uh excuse me, J.D. was in the house.

I'm sorry, its been very crazy around here and I just have been tired and stressed out with all that's been going on. We had your memorial service today and they dedicated the plaza to you along with hanging your picture in the main office.

"Fat lotta good that fuckin does me. Why don't they just do something about Gunny? That would be doing a great service for me. That bastard stole my fucking life!" He ranted on for a few moments, pausing to take an occasional drink of whatever he was drinking. I could hear he was pacing around in the house, occasionally running into things, cursing and kicking them.

Hey, why don't you go lay down and talk to me. Lets hook up the video chat and I will sit here and drink a beer with you while we talk.

It took him awhile, but he managed to get it up and going while I got settled into bed with mine. I sat and talked to him about mostly bullshit stuff until the wee hours of the morning when the booze finally caught up with him and he passed out in front of the camera, sprawled across his bed, his hand reaching towards me via computer. It was the last time we video chatted and the first time I shattered a bottle against my bedroom wall because of him.

He seemed to pull himself together after that and he texted me the next day that he was going to be out on a detail with his unit until late for the next few days and thus unable to talk. I took it as a sign that as painful as it was, it was time to pull even further back. Though Gunny had avoided me at all costs since the incident, he made no bones about giving me a knowing leer. He knew we had nothing on him. He knew I was going insane trying to find something, anything to time him or one of his cronies to what had happened to J.D., but nothing had surfaced and we still had no valid cause to search his place and pulling him in for questioning would just alert him that J.D. was alive.

After a few weeks of just occasional texts and rushed phone conversations, J.D. asked, "So when are you coming up for a visit? Emmett and Rose were just here and they said that they thought you had some time coming, are you going to come see me?" I didn't know that they had been up to see him. Emmett had been angry with me for pulling back from J.D. as well, and we hadn't spoke much. I missed him and his family, they had become the one bit of sanity I had down here in the midst of all the work and pressure and stress, but he also knew he was supposed to let me know about any trips up there so I could run interference and make sure Gunny wasn't paying attention to where anyone was going. He kept a close eye on Emmett and me, as if he suspected that all was not what it seemed , and it made my blood run cold to realize that he suspected anything or even cared to watch us, I knew I couldn't go to see him, shouldn't go to see him, and to protect him I was going to have to play the perfect mourning boyfriend. I managed to beg off the phone from J.D., telling him that I had a SWAT call out and had to go, I promised to call him back later, and I called Emmett.

Emmett, we have to be more careful.

" What the hell are you talking about Ed?"

What I am talking about is that Gunny is still watching us and I know he suspects something. We have to be careful when you are visiting him. I need to know so I can make sure Gunnys ass is redirected somewhere out in BFE so he wont be paying attention to where you are going.

"What makes you say that he is still watching us? Jas has been gone over a year now and he hasn't said dick. Even the feds are beginning to think he wasn't involved."

Well the feds are fucking wrong, he was involved, Jas said he was, and I believe him. You heard what he said in front of you that night and I have no doubt in my mind he would finish what he started if given the chance.

"But the case is going nowhere. Gunny has almost behaved himself for the past year and no other reports of disappearances have come in and we haven't found anymore bodies, they had packed up shop for now."

I think all the attention on Jas's case spooked em, and with that one bastard getting himself in prison, I have a feeling that cut down Gunnys playmates a little. There has been a lot of attrition in the department lately too, that one big bastard who always followed him around, left to go to work for his father back in Indiana or some shit like that, so we may just be dealing with Gunny and one other at this point that are left out here, but that is still enough.

"When are you going to go see him again, Ed? He misses you like hell and he's waiting for you to come up there like you said you were going to do."

Em, I cant. I have to get Gunny one way or the other and I have to clean this department up. I have a good shot at doing that and I have to take it. I have to put my obligation to my duty over my relationship with him.

"So the fucking rumors are true? You are going to run for sheriff. Motherfucker! How can you do that to him? He trusts that you are going to keep your word and come up there. He has been waiting and planning for you ever since he got there. The house just about looks like a fucking shrine to you now. He is going to flip the fuck out when he finds out you are going to run, you know that don't you? He is going to be devastated. You ought to at least man up and tell him face to face so that you can see exactly what the fuck you do to him when you tell him that you lied to him."

Emmett was shouting at this point so I just hung up. I knew it was going to be ugly when he found out I was running, and even though the announcement hadn't been made to the media, the department had been rife with the rumors for weeks about my intentions and who was supporting me. I knew it was going to be bad when J.D. found out. I only hoped that he wouldn't do anything rash, and I hoped just as much that Emmett wasn't going to follow though on the threat he made when he first met me.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N This is the last chapter,_ except for the epilogue_. I am going to post the Epilogue here in just a little bit and then have a beer. Trying to tie 3 stories together without help of a pre-reader or a beta or even a sane mind has been enormously stressful, but I feel like I managed to do it without screwing it up too much. I write as part of my healing process and sometimes it dredges up some dark shit that sends me off smoking cigarettes and blasting out the rest of my hearing with the music I love a lot. This story was one of those that did that more than a few times. **

I managed to avoid both talking to J.D. and Emmetts ire for the greater part of a week. Things around the office had been insanely busy with the press in and out looking for an announcement from the sheriff about whether or not he was running again, the Border issue was heating up, and we had a whole new crop of rookies to get situated. I had responded to one of J.D.s texts rather tersely that I was, "Up to my ass in alligators and standing in quicksand." and then ignored the rest of his texts for the rest of the day, hoping that he would assume I was really too busy to talk, but the truth of the matter was, I missed him so damn bad it was ripping me apart. I was frustrated that the sheriff hadn't made the announcement yet, and I didn't even know if I wanted him to anymore. He finally stopped by my office one afternoon and walking in without saying anything, shut the door behind him.

" Ed, you know who all is running this election don't you?" I nodded. "Its going to be a tight field and probably a lot of dirty pool. Anything and everything about you will be fair game, including your personal life. Are you ready for the world to know? Are you ready for that to be what might cost you the election? You know I support you, but this is a town of military, elderly and grouchy old bastards. They are narrow minded, suspicious and they hate anything that isn't like them. You remember that gay fella that ran for city council about 5 years ago? Not only did he lose the election by a landslide, his business failed shortly thereafter, his home was vandalized and he was harassed until he left town. I know your private life is just that, private, but it wont be once you start running. You have enemies in the department, you know that and they will do what they can to hurt you, including exposing everything about you. Just be sure you are ready for that and let me know, because if not, I can give it another term and I have some ideas on how to do some house cleaning." he walked over to my desk and laid an envelope on it, and then swiftly turned and left.

Opening the envelope my heart stopped cold, there were a series of pictures of J.D., obviously captured at the concert he had attended in San Francisco.

I caught up with the sheriff before he reached his truck and asked, Where the hell did these come from?

"Gunny threw them on my desk this morning. He didn't say where he had gotten them, didn't say how he knew or anything else, but I think you and me both know what that means. I had suspected he was alive ever since the Feds showed up in town and you and McCarty started disappearing all the time. Ed, look. I know you want revenge. Hell, I want revenge for him too, he was a damn good cop and whatever happened to him was probably horrible, but if you run for sheriff, this is going to come out and Gunny is going to go after him if he hasn't already. Come out to the house this evening and talk to me, bring that Fed you have been working with and lets see what we can come up with."

I walked back into the office on shaky legs, terrified that J.D. was already in danger. The only bright side to the whole picture situation was that it was in San Francisco and not Portland, so I had hope that they didn't know where he was for sure. I called my Fed connection and told him what had occurred and he was much calmer than I was , he arranged to have a security detail look in on J.D. and make sure that all was well, and then he agreed to meet with me and the sheriff later that evening. I bit the bullet and called Emmett, stopping him before he could get started taking another bite out of my ass, telling him about the pictures and the meeting. He was just as horrified as I was and the fear grew even greater when as I walked up to my truck I saw an envelope on the windshield, just like a ticket would be placed. I picked it up and opened it, finding inside pictures of me and JD. ,from when I kissed him before he left San Diego. They weren't even long range shots. Whomever had got them had been well within range to have double-tapped the both of us with no problem and been gone before the sound of the shots had even stopped echoing. The last shot was of me at the boarding gate of a flight to Portland.

As I was standing there, my heart in my hands, my phone began to ring. I answered it, not checking to see who it was or even caring at that point.

"You get the hint now boy? Yeah, we know your lil queer is alive, and if you want him to stay that way you will do what the hell you are told, because if you don't, you will be getting pieces of him as presents for the next few months."

With that the call ended. I looked at my phone, trying to see where the call had come from, but the number had been blocked. I didn't even recognize the voice. It felt like the world was falling down around me and I had no idea how to hold it up or what to hold onto.

I drove to my place and looked around, realizing it no longer felt like home or a refuge from the stress of the day, it felt like a fortress as I went from room to room checking locks and making sure all was secure. My dog was dead, I had sold off all but one of my horses, and I was considering giving him to Emmett because I never had time to ride anymore and I never wanted to. The barn held too many memories that haunted me, as did each and every room of the house. I was wandering from room to room, in a daze, trying to figure out what the hell to do when I heard a familiar sound approaching. A rattlingly loud set of truck pipes that I would have known anywhere. Racing to the door with my weapon in had I looked out into the dusk and the dust of my driveway to see J.D. headed towards me.

What the fuck? That was the first thought that crossed my mind. The second was, How in the hell had he gotten all the way to my place without anyone noticing he was missing?

"Running for sheriff? Really? Is that how you were going to fix things? Is that how you were going to solve the case and get them? Tell me Edward, were you ever coming to Portland or were you going back to leading your pathetic life in the closet now that I was out of sight and out of mind?"

He was stomping towards me with a full on mad on, and he had gotten healthier and a lot bigger and bulkier. I could tell I was about to end up with my arms full of a very pissed of J.D. and it wasn't for a hug. Sure enough he waded in swinging and caught me with a right cross that left me seeing stars. Before I could even collect myself from that he was bracketing me with punches left and right as my phone began to ring. I tried to block him, but he was all over me and I had no choice, I managed to get a clear shot and I popped him in the jaw, dropping him like a sack of potatoes. I scooped him up and carried him into the house, cuffing him by one wrist to my bed as I went out and moved his truck into my barn and out of sight.

The call had been the Feds, they had noticed he was missing finally. I called them back and went off on them like I had just been gone off on.

No fucking kidding he's missing you fucking idiots, he's right here! He just showed up at my place in his fucking truck that sticks out like a sore thumb and kicked my ass. I've got him under control at the moment but you people need to get your shit dialed in, and get us some security out here!

They hemmed and hawed and finally said that a couple guys would be out to keep watch until he could be picked up in the morning and shipped back up North, without his truck which was going to only slow him down a little and make him even angrier, so I told them to just provide the security for the night and be prepared to escort him after it got dark. I called the sheriff and told him that I had to cancel the meeting that something urgent had come up, and then I got ahold of Emmett and told him that I had a visitor. After he got done cursing, he agreed to meet up with a couple of other guys he knew and trusted,(who had also suffered Gunnys ire), and they would keep an eye on Gunny and his remaining cronies until we could get J.D. shipped back out of town. Once I had everything handled, I grabbed a couple beers and ice packs and headed back to the bedroom to face him.

He was still out, slumped over on my bed, with a rapidly darkening lump on his jaw. I knew I looked like I had lost ten rounds with a grizzly bear, but I felt worse looking at him. His hair touched his shoulders now, and he had taken to wearing it in a pony tail most of the time, except when he was playing his guitar or wearing that goofy hat. I smoothed his hair back out of his face and gently applied the ice pack, causing him to wake up. He glared at me balefully.

"Why the fuck am I cuffed to your bed?" He jerked on the cuff, causing it to cut into his wrist.

Stop it! We cant have you running loose around here. Do you have any idea how much danger you put yourself in coming here? They found out! Look! I showed him the pictures that I had gotten that day. He looked stunned.

"How? How did they find out?"

Jas, I have no idea, but its gotten really ugly around here really quick and I have to say you have shit timing! I was on my way to a meeting with the sheriff and the Feds tonight to try and figure out what direction we were going to go with this. As best we can tell, they know you are in Portland, but they don't know where, or at least they didn't. I don't know what they fuck they may know now.

"I got a call a few days ago, they said you were running for sheriff and that unless I wanted you to get the same treatment I got, I better change your mind." I was angry to hear you were running for sheriff, I felt like it was the last nail in the coffin of us, but I was also afraid for you. You wouldn't answer my calls and I had no other way to reach you, so I figured I would just face it, face what came at me and handle it once and for all."

Were you trying to get yourself killed? Was that what you wanted? Because that is what could have happened!

" I don't know. I do know I am tired of being left up there wondering what the hell is going on. Are you or aren't you? Am I on my own, do you or did you ever love me or was I just a piece of ass to you that kept you entertained while you bided your time and waited for the sheriff to retire? And now that I'm fucked up and ugly, you don't want to be bothered with me anymore, I would sully your perfect world and ruin your chances of finally being the big dog."

He was yelling again and fighting the cuff again, so I reached out and grabbed his wrist, finally just deciding to release him before he did more damage to himself. I figured inside the house I at least had him contained and I had hidden his truck keys so he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

He swung at me again and we ended up tumbling to the floor, spilling beer all over hell and gone and knocking over my bedside table. He was putting up a hell of a fight, cussing me and calling me every name in the book as he did his damndest to kick my ass, but I had a considerable size advantage over him so I managed to flip him over and I straddled him, holding his wrists above his head as I sat on him.

"Let me go."

No, you wont stop trying to kick my ass.

"You deserve to have your ass kicked. You lied to me. You dumped me off up in the middle of fucking frozen nowhere, away from everyone and everything I knew and you abandoned me! You weren't even man enough to tell me straight up that you were dumping me, you just left me sitting there, waiting for a day that was never going to fucking come!"

Look, I don't know what I am going to do. A whole bunch of new information came to light today and it throws everything up in the air. I do know that you are still in danger and that they are still after us. PLEASE! You cant be here. You cant do this. You need to go home and stay safe. Let me deal with this as best I know how. I do love you, very much, and if that means losing you to keep you alive, I will do what I have to do. Listen to me! I told you, good things come in time and I mean that, but now is not the time. You have to go back home and stay hidden while I sort this out.

"Just come with me. Leave here and come to Portland. If you aren't here, he will lose interest in us and that will be the end of it. I know it's the cowards way out, but I have suffered enough. Don't make me lose you as part of this whole mess." He had stopped fighting and was laying there, looking at me like I was holding the last rope tying him to the world.

You don't mean that. You know if we don't stop him now, he will kill again.

Angry tears were rolling out of his eyes and I wanted nothing more than to make them stop, but I had to make him understand, I couldn't just walk away from everything. I climbed off of him and pulled him into a hug, and sitting there in the destruction and the beer, and we talked. I told him everything, faced his anger and his recriminations, his rage and his resentment, but the hardest to face was the defeat and resignation I saw in his face when he finally stopped fighting me and listened. We were stuck in a no win situation and we saw no way out. I loved him. He knew I did, but my sense of duty and my drive wouldn't allow me to just chuck it all and quit, so we spent one last, sad evening in each others arms, pouring everything we felt for each other into every kiss, every touch, every moment, and when full dark came, I went and got his truck out of the barn and called the Feds to escort him back home. And feeling like my world was ending, I stood inside my empty house watching from behind a curtain like a coward as he backed out of the yard and drove away.


	34. Chapter 34

**Epilogue- 3 months later**

"Ed, can you come in here? I need to talk to you." The sheriff had yet to make an announcement either way about the election and it was getting down to the wire. If he didn't give me the go ahead in the next few days, we were both going to be screwed because the deadline to file was approaching.

"Shut the door, will you?" I shut the door behind me and sat down in the chair across from him. He looked every day of his 65 years, weary and stressed, but cagey as well. I knew something was up and it probably wasn't good.

"Ed, you haven't been yourself lately. Frankly your work has been off and there have been some serious problems with missing reports. I have gotten some intel that you have even been observed with the odor of alcohol on your breath while in the office."

Sir! You know that is not true! I would never drink while on duty!

I had been set up. I knew it and there was little I could do except listen to him as he listed out all the allegations of conduct unbecoming an officer that had been laid against me. It was an overwhelming mess that could destroy my career with any agency if the charges were officially filed.

"We have a couple of choices here. I can bring you up on charges and you can answer them with counsel, risk exposure and all that would bring, or you can resign your commission effective immediately and get the hell out of here before this place eats you. I will be able to give you an outstanding reference and I am willing to bet you could even lateral in someplace far away from here."

But what about the case?

"Ed, right now, its dead in the water. We have managed to eliminate all his buddies and he's alone and a slick sleeved road dog again. He knows he's being watched and that is the best we can do until we can find something on him. I don't want to see you destroyed along with Whitlock. Just take the offer, get the hell out of here and go find him. Don't end up caught in a trap like I am. Gunny has shit on the city council and mayor that I don't even want to contemplate, so I am really between a rock and a hard place with this. Please? Think of yourself and sign the resignation and go. I will forward your packet via private mail and I will do my best to keep you up on what is going on, and as soon as I get anything on that bastard, we will take him down hard, but in the mean time we can hope he meets up with a badder guy than he is in some dark alley.

I looked at the packet of papers in front of me. I hadn't heard from Jas in months, didn't even know if he wanted me back, but it was a chance I had to take. I reached out and signed the papers, and walked away from that department a free man.

**One month later. **

Moving was a huge pain in the ass. I ended up leasing the house to one of the Feds who had ended up stationed in the area, and he bought most of my furniture and even the stock equipment. My guns, clothes and collectibles fit into the trailer I was taking and after I stripped the truck out and returned all the gear to the department, I was feeling naked. I had forbidden Emmett from telling Jas anything. I wanted the decision to be his and his alone without time to sit and mull it over. I didn't have a way to call him because we had figured out that he was being tracked, along with me, by his cell phone, so it had been tossed onto the top of a South bound semi while mine went swimming in the stock tank on the property. I bought a new Iphone in of all places, San Diego, and then I headed North, hoping like hell he still wanted to see me.

The trip seemed to take forever, and though it was warmer, it was still quite the adventure pulling a trailer. When I arrived in Portland, I contacted the local feds and had the truck scanned to make sure I wasn't being tracked, and once cleared, I headed to his street, not even knowing if he was home. Pulling up in front of the house, I saw his ratty old truck sitting there, sporting a monkey sticker on the tailgate and a 'Keep Portland Weird" sticker across the back window. He must have been finally trying to fit in. I felt almost guilty and definitely nervous as I walked up to the door. Before I could even knock the door flew open and there he stood, wearing a fucking monkey t-shirt, wearing a pair of ratty sweats and looking like he had seen a ghost with his hair sticking up all over the place. He had a wispy attempt at a beard and mustache going on and I wanted to reach out and touch his face as he stared at me, but then all of the sudden he launched himself into my arms and I was being kissed like I hadnever been kissed before. Fucking Emmett never could keep a secret.

**A/N So this is the end of this part of their story. You are probably wondering about the bad guys and how they could let them get away with it, but I can tell you for a fact, the bad guys do quite often get away with the horrible things that they do and those that suffer just have to find a way to move on with their lives and hope for brighter days. Sometimes the good things come in time, and some times they dont. **

**These boys live on in the other storys I have cited in previous notes and maybe, just maybe, justice will be found. **

**Thanks to my readers and reviewers for putting up with my mistakes and all my rookie writing weirdness. Maybe someday I will find an editor that will fix me and this story. Thanks to the boys who inspired me to write again, they know who they are. **


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